Difficult to lead boy friendship as a mom
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Anonymous
| I do not know what boys like except video games or sports. I do not play any of them. I want to help 10 year old boy to navigate closer boy friendship, but it seems like many boys that age navigate by themselves already. Before it is too late before he is going to middle school in a year plus, what can a mom help? He has casual friends, but they do not meet outside of school except at sport practice/game or scout meetings. Should I let him play robolax or minecraft with other kids online? I have been hesitating about this. There will be an upcoming class meeting next week, and I will bump into many parents from his class. Want to ask in advance here on the forum to see maybe I could take advantage of that opportunities to catch up or follow up with other parents starting from there, any tips? DH does not have any desire to talk to or make friends with any parents, so he is out of the picture. |
Anonymous
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What does your kid like to do? We've had zero issues with Roblox and Minecraft. But we don't allow computer video games when he has friends over. Sometimes they play Madden or a FIFA game on DH's old PlayStation.
He's happy being outside for hours on end throwing a football around or kicking a soccer ball. We also have a tetherball, basketball hoop, and some other outdoor activities. Or they play games inside. Sometimes they go to arcades, trampoline parks, mini golf, etc. Once every other weekend DS meets up with friends at a local park and they play board games and run around. Don't manufacturer his friendships. What does he say when you ask him if he wants to invite a friend over? What does he enjoy doing? Just let him invite friends over and then stay out of it. They will figure out ways to entertain themselves. Heck my 13 year old DS had friends over last weekend and they dug out his old toy soldiers and army set up and staged this whole elaborate game. |
Anonymous
| No. Don't do those online games. Can you set up play-dates with the parents of kids he's friendly with? They can play outside or play video games whatever. I don't think you need to do more than that. |
Anonymous
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Does your son want closer friends or is that something you want for him?
What activities does your son enjoy? Have him invite kids over to do those activities. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like structured activities - sports arranged at your county rec center, camps. No reason you can't/shouldn't force yourself to develop relationships with other Moms of boys. You can let them take the lead re: activities. You don't get a pass just because you're uncomfortable |
Anonymous
| OP specifically said “except video games and sports” and then all of the responses listed…video games and sports. |
Anonymous
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It doesn't seem like you need to intervene in anything. Is your child expressing they are unhappy? 10 year old boys dont always need or want play dates. If he is involved in sports and scouts and gets out of the house and interacts with peers, that may be enough. Do you notice any social issues when hes at these activities?
Alllowing online games wont change anything for friendships. Maybe start by getting one parents number next time youre on the sideline or at a meeting and then set up a play date with that one child. When he comes over just let them do whatever they are inclined to do. Yes, sports and video games are usually involved. |
Anonymous
Unfortunately, that's what boys like to do with their downtime. Or ride electric scooters. |
Anonymous
I dont think its unfortunate. I also dont think its universally true. My boys love most sports and most video games and enjoy doing both with their friends. In their own down time they read, watch tv shows, build legos, draw, cook, play with pets. Point being sports amd video games are usually better done with friends so its a good activity when people are over. |
Anonymous
| Your husband is a pathetic dud |
Anonymous
Well she said that she doesn't play sports, but then mentions her kid does. I'm not so sure why it matters what OPs interests are when helping her kid make friends. |
Anonymous
Um…no. Please try to understand the fact that many boys do many types of activities far beyond sports and video games. |
Anonymous
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Sports and video games are two big ways boys connect with each other, though. This is a bit like telling a 10yo girl they should hang out with their friends, but they can't sit around chatting or do anything arts/crafts-like. Yes, you can find other activities, but these are kind of the "go-to" widespread appeal activities that kids can do with any "generic" group of friends (as opposed to specific individuals with a shared interest). Or imagine you have to make small talk with coworkers but can't bring up families, vacations or sports--it's quite restricting!
As a PP said, it doesn't matter that you don't like sports or video games. All you have to do is facilitate the meetings so your kid can do stuff he likes with his friends, and do some light monitoring/restrictions to make sure they aren't getting into age-inappropriate stuff. Ask him who he'd like to hang out with more, and then reach out to the parents to arrange it. It might feel a little awkward "cold-calling" but I guarantee you many other moms feel the same way and will be happy you reached out. |
Anonymous
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OP don't worry about the 10 yr/olds who already navigate their own social lives. Don't start with online gaming. Don't wait until the class meeting.
Ask your DS which of his sports or scout friends he wants to invite over. Text the parents with an invitation on behalf of your son. Give a day and time. If the kid says no, ask someone else. If the kid says yes, serve a good snack. Send them outside. Make sure you have Legos, Nerf guns, extra basketballs, etc, and a bike or scooter. If you have to allow video games, allow them in the last hour of the play date. |
Anonymous
| Online gaming is my advice |