Self-Restraint

[Anonymous]

I'm trying hard to bite my tongue right now. I cannot stand two of my siblings. One is just a rotten person -- dishonest and compulsively selfish to the point of stealing, but they're so miserable you have to feel pity and compassion for them -- and the other is a complete blowhard who was the golden child and the only way he can get the kind of audience he got used to growing up is with us. Every interaction involves pompous self-important language and insults that are so over the top you have to ask yourself if maybe mental illness is at the root of their personality. Unfortunately we have to interact often because we have an ailing parent. I really, REALLY don't think I have a right to tell them what I think of them, now or once our parent passes away, or to tell them that I plan on very little to zero interaction once we don't have that parental connection. I just don't think that's my right and I don't want to inflict the kind of emotional and psychological pain on them they have inflicted on me, on the rest of us and on each other. So I'm trying to take the high road. But I think they are SOOOOOOOOOOO horrible. Yuck. I just had to tell someone. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying hard to bite my tongue right now. I cannot stand two of my siblings. One is just a rotten person -- dishonest and compulsively selfish to the point of stealing, but they're so miserable you have to feel pity and compassion for them -- and the other is a complete blowhard who was the golden child and the only way he can get the kind of audience he got used to growing up is with us. Every interaction involves pompous self-important language and insults that are so over the top you have to ask yourself if maybe mental illness is at the root of their personality. Unfortunately we have to interact often because we have an ailing parent. I really, REALLY don't think I have a right to tell them what I think of them, now or once our parent passes away, or to tell them that I plan on very little to zero interaction once we don't have that parental connection. I just don't think that's my right and I don't want to inflict the kind of emotional and psychological pain on them they have inflicted on me, on the rest of us and on each other. So I'm trying to take the high road. But I think they are SOOOOOOOOOOO horrible. Yuck. I just had to tell someone. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

YAWN

[Anonymous]

Just gray rock them OP. Don't give them any more energy.

[Anonymous]

It's likely, OP, that both have mental illness. It's genetic and gets passed down. Maybe you have something too, but it manifests itself differently.

You can say anything you damn well like! With people like this, it's no use taking the high road. The calculus isn't "whether it's your place", it's what you can gain from your behavior, and what you lose. If you're very anxious and non-confrontational, it might not be worth your mental health to be aggressive. But if you think insults and strong language and raising your voice will achieve your goals, then by all means... go for it. Don't get stuck in etiquette rules when dealing with the crazies in your life.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you're just scared of speaking up, OP, and are rationalizing your fear by imagining some sort of moral code that prevents you from doing so.

Know yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's likely, OP, that both have mental illness. It's genetic and gets passed down. Maybe you have something too, but it manifests itself differently.

You can say anything you damn well like! With people like this, it's no use taking the high road. The calculus isn't "whether it's your place", it's what you can gain from your behavior, and what you lose. If you're very anxious and non-confrontational, it might not be worth your mental health to be aggressive. But if you think insults and strong language and raising your voice will achieve your goals, then by all means... go for it. Don't get stuck in etiquette rules when dealing with the crazies in your life.

I don't think it will accomplish anything. They are both incapable of thinking deeply, of considering another side of the situation or of changing their behavior. It would be a waste of time, at the very least. The "Yawn" poster above is a perfect example of the kind of person they are, who don't give a crap about anyone else's distress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's likely, OP, that both have mental illness. It's genetic and gets passed down. Maybe you have something too, but it manifests itself differently.

You can say anything you damn well like! With people like this, it's no use taking the high road. The calculus isn't "whether it's your place", it's what you can gain from your behavior, and what you lose. If you're very anxious and non-confrontational, it might not be worth your mental health to be aggressive. But if you think insults and strong language and raising your voice will achieve your goals, then by all means... go for it. Don't get stuck in etiquette rules when dealing with the crazies in your life.

I don't think it will accomplish anything. They are both incapable of thinking deeply, of considering another side of the situation or of changing their behavior. It would be a waste of time, at the very least. The "Yawn" poster above is a perfect example of the kind of person they are, who don't give a crap about anyone else's distress.

Then stop claiming it's because "you don't have the right" to tell them what for. Your first post sounded like you were scared to death of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's likely, OP, that both have mental illness. It's genetic and gets passed down. Maybe you have something too, but it manifests itself differently.

You can say anything you damn well like! With people like this, it's no use taking the high road. The calculus isn't "whether it's your place", it's what you can gain from your behavior, and what you lose. If you're very anxious and non-confrontational, it might not be worth your mental health to be aggressive. But if you think insults and strong language and raising your voice will achieve your goals, then by all means... go for it. Don't get stuck in etiquette rules when dealing with the crazies in your life.

I don't think it will accomplish anything. They are both incapable of thinking deeply, of considering another side of the situation or of changing their behavior. It would be a waste of time, at the very least. The "Yawn" poster above is a perfect example of the kind of person they are, who don't give a crap about anyone else's distress.

Then stop claiming it's because "you don't have the right" to tell them what for. Your first post sounded like you were scared to death of them.

Well I'm not scared to death of them. That's how i know it will be useless to say anything. And ALSO i want to practice self restraint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's likely, OP, that both have mental illness. It's genetic and gets passed down. Maybe you have something too, but it manifests itself differently.

You can say anything you damn well like! With people like this, it's no use taking the high road. The calculus isn't "whether it's your place", it's what you can gain from your behavior, and what you lose. If you're very anxious and non-confrontational, it might not be worth your mental health to be aggressive. But if you think insults and strong language and raising your voice will achieve your goals, then by all means... go for it. Don't get stuck in etiquette rules when dealing with the crazies in your life.

I don't think it will accomplish anything. They are both incapable of thinking deeply, of considering another side of the situation or of changing their behavior. It would be a waste of time, at the very least. The "Yawn" poster above is a perfect example of the kind of person they are, who don't give a crap about anyone else's distress.

Then stop claiming it's because "you don't have the right" to tell them what for. Your first post sounded like you were scared to death of them.

Well I'm not scared to death of them. That's how i know it will be useless to say anything. And ALSO i want to practice self restraint.

NP. You’re right. Saying anything to them will not go how anyone normal would expect. They will not pause, reflect on their behavior or apologize. They likely will twist your words, throw something back at you and make it all your fault, because this is what they’ve always done. So practice self-restraint and keep your distance as much as possible. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

It's one thing to exercise self-restraint as a tactic to get what you need out of life. Quite another to pretend that it's somehow your duty and that it makes you a better person. Maybe don't gratify yourself with the latter, OP, makes you look smug. You have yet to learn that sometimes virtue is nothing more than virtue signaling to yourself.

[Anonymous]

You have the right to address and set boundaries around bad behavior, but I probably would bite my tongue for the sake of my dying parent. When that tie no longer binds you can have minimal or no contact with them, and you can choose what feels healthier to you, telling them why or fading away.

[Anonymous]

I mean, how much interaction do you REALLY have to have? Are you all standing by the parents bedside together or something?

[Anonymous]

Girllllllllll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's likely, OP, that both have mental illness. It's genetic and gets passed down. Maybe you have something too, but it manifests itself differently.

You can say anything you damn well like! With people like this, it's no use taking the high road. The calculus isn't "whether it's your place", it's what you can gain from your behavior, and what you lose. If you're very anxious and non-confrontational, it might not be worth your mental health to be aggressive. But if you think insults and strong language and raising your voice will achieve your goals, then by all means... go for it. Don't get stuck in etiquette rules when dealing with the crazies in your life.

I don't think it will accomplish anything. They are both incapable of thinking deeply, of considering another side of the situation or of changing their behavior. It would be a waste of time, at the very least. The "Yawn" poster above is a perfect example of the kind of person they are, who don't give a crap about anyone else's distress.

Then stop claiming it's because "you don't have the right" to tell them what for. Your first post sounded like you were scared to death of them.

Well I'm not scared to death of them. That's how i know it will be useless to say anything. And ALSO i want to practice self restraint.

NP. You’re right. Saying anything to them will not go how anyone normal would expect. They will not pause, reflect on their behavior or apologize. They likely will twist your words, throw something back at you and make it all your fault, because this is what they’ve always done. So practice self-restraint and keep your distance as much as possible. Good luck!

Exactly this. Thx