What mental illness might this be?

[Anonymous]

My question:

What mental illness might this person have?

He definitely has a drinking problem.

Background:
A friend from long ago reconnected.

He texts me one to six times per day. At first, he texted lots of stressful news items that I can find online myself. I asked for this to stop as I can find/read the news on my own. As a result, he asked if I was MAGA and then looked up my past replies to his news texts and sent them to me. I guess so I could see I replied the "right" way??

These messages, most of them, go to others in numerous Facebook message threads.

He asked me what I did for a holiday. When I mentioned in passing that I don't drink, he seemed to get offended. He then tried to cancel a get together that a group of us planned because he said he is the only one who drinks and he would have nothing to talk about with us without drinking.

Another person in our group said she has been very direct with him and told him that he messages too much, so I could do that. I noticed she does not reply, so I started to stop replying, too.

Since I stopped liking/replying to texts, he has now contacted me via LinkedIn, Facebook, and email trying to get a response.

He does not appear able to keep a job for long.

I am mostly curious what is wrong with him and wonder if he is bipolar.

Our mutual friend said she extends him a lot of compassion. She has been more in touch with him over the years than I have, and it took me a few months to realize I needed to adjust how I handle this person.

I do not want to ghost him 100%.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like infatuation is all. Not everything is a "mental illness" and your need to assign a clinical diagnosis is weird.

Set what every boundaries you need in order to have comfort, but it's not appropriate to speculate that there might be something "wrong" with him.

[Anonymous]

Well, if he’s an alcoholic, it’s possible he has trauma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like infatuation is all. Not everything is a "mental illness" and your need to assign a clinical diagnosis is weird.

Set what every boundaries you need in order to have comfort, but it's not appropriate to speculate that there might be something "wrong" with him.

He should be able to set that boundary.He can't. So, let's stop this it's just 'infatuation'. It's something much more sinister that has a hold of him.
A healthy mind can pivot really fast and read the room. That person cannot.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like borderline personality disorder. Fear of abandonment, strong reactions when someone pulls away, rapid escalation of attempts to connect, difficulty regulating emotions, unstable work history, and substance abuse.

I know you don't want to ghost him 100% but it's honestly probably better if you do. Intermittent reinforcement (ignoring him sometimes, responding other times) actually makes behavior escalate and happen more. And likely causes more panic in him than if you cut him off completely. I'd block him across all platforms.

[Anonymous]

Yeah be careful...

[Anonymous]

bipolar - in the mania phase - could be he is bipolar type 2 where the mania is "hypomania" at most or, if bipolar type 1, he could be escalating in his mania but not yet full blown florid mania.

The alcohol is just self-medication. Someone who is bipolar needs to be on a mood stabilizer medication and should not be drinking at all. Not your job to enforce that, OFC.

You have to decide about your boundaries. You say you don't want to cut contact, but I agree with another poster that intermittent reinforcement just motivates him to try to reach you in more ways. You have to decide what kind of contact you want and be consistent about it. You do not need to convey your boundaries explicitly if that feels unsafe to you. Just don't answer, and if he contacts repeatedly just block.

Read the Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. In general, I wouldn't be afraid of a person with bipolar per se, but rarely some people with bipolar can become fixated on a person and engage in stalker-like behavior and even if non-violent, that can be scary. It's best not to give a person engaging in that kind of behavior any oxygen.

[Anonymous]

Borderline, 100%. Stay very far away.

[Anonymous]

Cut all ties. This problem will work itself out. He won’t be a burden.

[Anonymous]

Slow fade. What ever he has let it go.

[Anonymous]

Just don’t respond.

Your what-mental-illness-is-this curiosity and your desire to not cut him off is problematic. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

He could be bipolar……

Or possibly have a compulsive or obsessive disorder.

[Anonymous]

Way too needy. You have to cut him off he can't moderate his neediness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just don’t respond.

Your what-mental-illness-is-this curiosity and your desire to not cut him off is problematic. Let it go.

+1

[Anonymous]

Clean break. No contact. You can't fix him, OP. He is a black hole. He will consume anything you provide.