When nd manifests like a bad personality
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Anonymous
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I don’t know how else to say this so forgive me, but ds’s audhd manifests this way and I have no idea what to do.
- SO easily irritated and vocal about it - pushes peoples buttons on purpose - says things he knows will offend then acts like you are overreacting - argues about everything - puts his brother down on purpose - rewrites history in order to justify outrage. Constantly correcting him feels wrong. I just spent a small fortune taking him skiing - his favorite thing - to bond with him and he complained most of the time. I just feel super defeated |
Anonymous
| Ugh. I could have written this. I’m in bed now crying because my audhd child was such a jerk to his whole family today while we were visiting his favorite place. A place we took him to because we know how much he loves it. I’m so sad and angry that this is the way we are treated every day no matter what we do. |
Anonymous
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Google PDA "equalizing" and see if it feels like a match.
Some people get dopamine from fighting. |
Anonymous
| My kid used to be exactly this (now a slight bit better but still has moments like this that remind me how hard it is). How old is your ds? Sometimes this behavior signals overwhelm, and inability to communicate, express or engage others. Therapy and meds (for the adhd) helped us a bit, and lots of talking and explaining and motivating). Even a bad reaction is a reaction and they seek that (from siblings, other family members, usually not at school where they try to keep it together but sometimes there too). Do not despair. Audhd brains prefrontal cortex develops a bit late, but I keep claiming he’s a good person (and when I fail in my patience, the therapist reinforces), and my ds tries when he can to actually do better. And when he can’t, we all have to forgive him, he has to say sorry and mean it, etc. Most days are hard and some days are really hard, but every now and again (and recently more and more often) there’s something he says or does that shows he understands and is trying to be nice and engage in a positive way. Get all the help you can get, do not despair, and prepare for a long haul of hard days and small victories along the way. |
Anonymous
| My kid was like that. It got so much better when we treated the anxiety properly (in our case, a SSRI and a mood stabilizer). His behavior is telling you that he's unhappy; he's having a hard time, not giving you a hard time. |
Anonymous
| At what age can borderline personality disorder be accurately diagnosed? |
Anonymous
18. But there's no reason to think an irritable, inflexible, impulsive autistic/ADHD child is anything other than autistic and ADHD. |
Anonymous
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Revisit meds. My DC’s irritability is almost always rooted in anxiety. DC lashes out at others, bad attitude, mean to siblings etc. ADHD means they can’t control their impulses well, and don’t control their emotions very well.
DC usually wants to do well, so I know when things are a mess there is something underlying. About a year ago DC (in middle school) started having hours long meltdowns over small things I would ask them to do. Eventually I realized this coincided with when they had a bad day at school. We adjusted anxiety meds and put DC back in therapy. Meltdowns stopped. I feel like we repeat this cycle about every 2 years. Hopefully at some point they will stabilize with meds. |
Anonymous
Read OP’s bullet list, which doesn’t line up with your list. Diagnoses evolve over time with children, as you know. |
Anonymous
Same here. SSRI made a huge difference in day to day mood and interactions. |
Anonymous
| I work with ND kids. In a quiet moment, after a tantrum has passed, sometimes we talk about relationships. I mention that I like doing fun things together, but it’s hard to get motivated to plan fun things when the reaction I get is whining or tantrums. I also mention the reciprocal nature of human relationships: People want to help people who have been helpful to them in the past. In parallel to this, I teach coping strategies for feeling overwhelmed/anxious/irritable. We find a type of break or distraction that the child likes (a simple physical exercise, watching a sand timer, mindfulness activities, etc.) and remind the child to try that strategy when they feel they can’t handle themselves. |
Anonymous
So a person whose 26 secretley never knew they had SCD since they were 4? |
Anonymous
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Really think everyone needs DBT therapy.
Take the year and do it. |
Anonymous
Our DS has similar episodes as OP’s. I really like the answer above. We know he is having a very hard time at school and we are his “release valve”. It’s super hard for sure. But we are trying to address the root cause now |
Anonymous
It's not diagnosed until 18. Around age 16, psychiatrists and counselors told us that our son was on the path towards this diagnosis. We threw everything we had at doing what the professionals recommended so that our son would not end up with a BPD diagnosis. I cannot tell you how much time and money and effort that our whole family put into it, but we were able to change patterns and there is no sign of those previous characteristics. OP, to me it never felt wrong to constantly correct - just exhausting. But so worth it when you can change the trajectory. |