Is this abuse?

[Anonymous]

My child plays on a sports team with another teenager. Fairly high level for this area. The kids love their sport and practice a lot on their own outside of regular practice. There is one kid who seems to be being pushed very hard by their parents. Like telling the kid not to mess up at games, yelling at them when they make mistakes. This is a good kid who is very good at their sport. Is this just what it takes to go D1, or is this abusive? No one has said anything to either the kid or the parents to my knowledge, but it's getting harder to witness and stay out of. I feel like someone needs to stick up for this kid before they breakdown.

[Anonymous]

I can tell you from experience that if you raise this kind of thing to a mandated reporter, they will very, very carefully use any word other than abuse to describe it because no, it doesn't clear that bar in their opinion.

Is it good parenting? No. If one adult did it to another (say in the context of a romantic relationship) would we call it abuse? Yes. But is it CPS reportable? Guessing not. You can cross check the law in your state to verify. Some states have stronger emotional abuse provisions than others.

[Anonymous]

The coach should handle. Ideally the coach would has ethical standards. I think a discussion privately with the coach is warranted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The coach should handle. Ideally the coach would has ethical standards. I think a discussion privately with the coach is warranted.

I doubt the coach wants the kid to leave the team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can tell you from experience that if you raise this kind of thing to a mandated reporter, they will very, very carefully use any word other than abuse to describe it because no, it doesn't clear that bar in their opinion.

Is it good parenting? No. If one adult did it to another (say in the context of a romantic relationship) would we call it abuse? Yes. But is it CPS reportable? Guessing not. You can cross check the law in your state to verify. Some states have stronger emotional abuse provisions than others.

Very interesting and sad. Yes, when I think of it in context of if my spouse spoke to me like this it would100% not be ok, but parents are allowed to spank their children.

[Anonymous]

Sideline the parents “A lot of people are talking about how mean you are to your kid in public. Just thought you should know”. And walk away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sideline the parents “A lot of people are talking about how mean you are to your kid in public. Just thought you should know”. And walk away.

Great idea if you want to be known as a gossiping nutcase. That will pretty much guarantee a spotlight is shined on your own parenting.

OP, mind your own kid and your own business. The fact that you also put your kid in an intense sport and let it suck up all your time means you aren't prioritizing the right things either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sideline the parents “A lot of people are talking about how mean you are to your kid in public. Just thought you should know”. And walk away.

Great idea if you want to be known as a gossiping nutcase. That will pretty much guarantee a spotlight is shined on your own parenting.

OP, mind your own kid and your own business. The fact that you also put your kid in an intense sport and let it suck up all your time means you aren't prioritizing the right things either.

The nutcase is pretty clear here.

[Anonymous]

Look, it's not great but you don't have enough to say abuse. If it's bad I think a private word with the coach. If the language gets excessive you could try speaking up in the moment but I don't know that it would help the kid and you would have to be really careful about what you say.

[Anonymous]

Just submit a complaint to CPS and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child plays on a sports team with another teenager. Fairly high level for this area. The kids love their sport and practice a lot on their own outside of regular practice. There is one kid who seems to be being pushed very hard by their parents. Like telling the kid not to mess up at games, yelling at them when they make mistakes. This is a good kid who is very good at their sport. Is this just what it takes to go D1, or is this abusive? No one has said anything to either the kid or the parents to my knowledge, but it's getting harder to witness and stay out of. I feel like someone needs to stick up for this kid before they breakdown.

It's not...but of course there are high profile cases (read Agassi talking about his dad and how he cut off all contact) where in fact the player did attain incredible heights.

Telling someone "don't mess up" is the equivalent of telling someone "remember to breathe". At the very least, the parent could aggressively yell useful instructions.

[Anonymous]

Are both parents the problem or only one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child plays on a sports team with another teenager. Fairly high level for this area. The kids love their sport and practice a lot on their own outside of regular practice. There is one kid who seems to be being pushed very hard by their parents. Like telling the kid not to mess up at games, yelling at them when they make mistakes. This is a good kid who is very good at their sport. Is this just what it takes to go D1, or is this abusive? No one has said anything to either the kid or the parents to my knowledge, but it's getting harder to witness and stay out of. I feel like someone needs to stick up for this kid before they breakdown.

Mind your own business

[Anonymous]

The problem may solve itself when the kid has finally had enough, burns out, and quits.

[Anonymous]

It reminds me of the Patrick O'Sullivan story. We've had some bad parents on our teams over the year - last year, it was a parent coach. I overheard a locker room speech, and it was horrifying. DH and DC both adamantly told me to stay quiet.