Need advice with IEP and next steps

[Anonymous]

I need help working through the evaluation report I've just received from my daughter's school and figure out next steps.

In addition to all of the cognitive tests, the report also included evals for autism, adhd, and anxiety - but those were essentially scales reported by me, daughter, and teachers.

I also wrote this post: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1317380.page
Long story short, we have an 8th grader who is extremely resistant to receiving help, acknowledging any weaknesses (sees that as a failure). She hates us because we "forced" her to be evaluated and receive therapy, and thinks we are crazy for thinking she needs any support.

The school is recommending an IEP for her - for EF, anxiety, social supports. She did not quite meet the criteria for autism or adhd, although the report says she exhibits some of the characteristics. Mainly it looks like we scored her quite a bit higher for these traits than her teachers did - but I also wonder how much of this is due to her masking at school. She even described herself as "nicer" at school than at home.

I have 3 questions:
1) What is the best way to approach this with our daughter? She is going to fly into a rage when she finds out she's been recommended for an IEP. She's done her own "research" and determined that IEPs are for people with disabilities, which she is quite clear she does not have.
2) Do we pursue a private eval? What would be the benefit? I'm leaning towards no because this whole evaluation process has been very draining for our daughter and we've pretty much used up any good will at this point. Also, it does sound like the school sounds prepared to provide the supports that she needs - which I think is really the most important thing.
3) Is there anything else we should do prior to going into the IEP meeting?

[Anonymous]

The other context is that she is extremely bright - high iq, extremely high cognitive abilities, but scored average to below average on processing speed and fluid reasoning.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't necessarily recommend a private report at this stage. When she is a bit older and hopefully less resistant, it could be helpful for college planning. But you have the information you need to get her the supports at school. She might get an autism diagnosis from a private person, which could be a benefi eventually, but it doesn't sound like she is in the right place to hear that right now.

To approach it with her, I'd be straightforward about what you see as challenges (ie. you are failing these classes and it's keeping you from your goals) and how the IEP will help. Unfortunately, she is going to be resistant, especially at first. Going into the IEP, i'd want to limit services that she'd see as embarrassing (i.e. pullouts) and advocate for inclusion services.

Good luck- this is a hard road, but she's lucky you are supporting her even through these challenging times.

[Anonymous]

I bet she has a lot of misconceptions about disability and IEPs. Does she have anyone she trusts who is knowledgeable about such things with whom she can discuss? Is there any part of school that she thinks is difficult for her? It's hard for smart kids to get IEPs, so for the school to be suggesting one means that there are a lot of signs of struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need help working through the evaluation report I've just received from my daughter's school and figure out next steps.

In addition to all of the cognitive tests, the report also included evals for autism, adhd, and anxiety - but those were essentially scales reported by me, daughter, and teachers.

I also wrote this post: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1317380.page
Long story short, we have an 8th grader who is extremely resistant to receiving help, acknowledging any weaknesses (sees that as a failure). She hates us because we "forced" her to be evaluated and receive therapy, and thinks we are crazy for thinking she needs any support.

The school is recommending an IEP for her - for EF, anxiety, social supports. She did not quite meet the criteria for autism or adhd, although the report says she exhibits some of the characteristics. Mainly it looks like we scored her quite a bit higher for these traits than her teachers did - but I also wonder how much of this is due to her masking at school. She even described herself as "nicer" at school than at home.

I have 3 questions:
1) What is the best way to approach this with our daughter? She is going to fly into a rage when she finds out she's been recommended for an IEP. She's done her own "research" and determined that IEPs are for people with disabilities, which she is quite clear she does not have.
2) Do we pursue a private eval? What would be the benefit? I'm leaning towards no because this whole evaluation process has been very draining for our daughter and we've pretty much used up any good will at this point. Also, it does sound like the school sounds prepared to provide the supports that she needs - which I think is really the most important thing.
3) Is there anything else we should do prior to going into the IEP meeting?

What cognitive tests, specifically, did they run? IQ testing? Achievement testing in all areas? language processing? rapid naming? social pragmatic language testing? executive function testing (not just checklists)? computerized attention testing?

IME, I would not trust a school's evaluation, especially if it says "did not quite meet the criteria". I would proceed with several different evaluations -- 1) pediatrician - ask for complete screening of all things that could affect "flying into a rage" or other symptoms & anything that would need to be screened before taking medication -- thyroid labs, vitamin D, iron panel, liver and kidney function, etc. 2) neuropsychiatric evaluation -- this is a fuller and more independent exam than what school provides. TBH, it is in the school's interest to *not* diagnose or qualify your child if they can get away with it. I've seen it many times. 3) make at least 2 therapy appointments and let her see if she likes anyone or offer her to try another person if she thinks the current one isn't helping.

You will need to talk to your DD repeatedly about this - you as a parent are asking her to talk to her health professionals and get screened. You acknowledge that as a parent you can't make her do anything, but it is your job to make appointments and offer her tools. When she is angry, you can acknowledge her anger and ask her honest questions about why she is angry and listen authentically and reflectively. If she describes herself or others who have IEPs as broken or disabled or weak, you can acknowledge her feelings while at the same time making it clear that is not how YOU see her or other people who need IEPs or 504 plans. School is a factory that works on certain kinds of brains. In the olden days, we called people who don't have that kind of brain "disabled," but we know better now -- brains are different and some people need accommodations to help them learn and show what they have learned, and other people need special instruction and needing either of those doesn't make you not smart. Ask her to go to the appointments and learn what the options and opinions are, and acknowledge that she is free to reject any diagnosis or treatment options that don't feel right to her. But, ask her to at least get information so that she can make an informed decision. If she says no, just accept that and tell her that the offer remains open, and if she changes her mind she can come back to you.

My DS was very resistant to therapy and medication for ADHD. He came around after the above approach. He needed to know that I didn't think he was broken, and that his treatment was his choice. He found both medicine and therapy helpful for a while but stopped both in college and is doing OK (with some ups and downs).

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised a school will say they are assessing for/diagnosing autism. I think it is generally a medical diagnosis. I would absolutely insist on your own private assessment.

Your daughter is suffering. I know anger and snarkiness can feel like a choice she is making and therefore it can be harder to insist that she doesn’t get to choose to refuse help. If she was bleeding or diabetes you wouldn’t give her the option of declining to do to the doctor. You’d take her to the doctor and figure out a way to get her to accept treatment. Your description in the other thread is of a child in real distress. She doesn’t have to live that way (and neither do you).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't necessarily recommend a private report at this stage. When she is a bit older and hopefully less resistant, it could be helpful for college planning. But you have the information you need to get her the supports at school. She might get an autism diagnosis from a private person, which could be a benefi eventually, but it doesn't sound like she is in the right place to hear that right now.

To approach it with her, I'd be straightforward about what you see as challenges (ie. you are failing these classes and it's keeping you from your goals) and how the IEP will help. Unfortunately, she is going to be resistant, especially at first. Going into the IEP, i'd want to limit services that she'd see as embarrassing (i.e. pullouts) and advocate for inclusion services.

Good luck- this is a hard road, but she's lucky you are supporting her even through these challenging times.

Thanks for this feedback. You reminded me of a question I intend to ask at the IEP meeting - exactly what format those supports will look like. Essentially they are scheduled like any other elective (likely multiple days a week). They want to provide supports for her in those 3 different identified areas - executive functioning support, social support, and anxiety support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised a school will say they are assessing for/diagnosing autism. I think it is generally a medical diagnosis. I would absolutely insist on your own private assessment.

Your daughter is suffering. I know anger and snarkiness can feel like a choice she is making and therefore it can be harder to insist that she doesn’t get to choose to refuse help. If she was bleeding or diabetes you wouldn’t give her the option of declining to do to the doctor. You’d take her to the doctor and figure out a way to get her to accept treatment. Your description in the other thread is of a child in real distress. She doesn’t have to live that way (and neither do you).

I think it is more of a screening than a diagnosis. It was literally a list of like 15 questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need help working through the evaluation report I've just received from my daughter's school and figure out next steps.

In addition to all of the cognitive tests, the report also included evals for autism, adhd, and anxiety - but those were essentially scales reported by me, daughter, and teachers.

I also wrote this post: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1317380.page
Long story short, we have an 8th grader who is extremely resistant to receiving help, acknowledging any weaknesses (sees that as a failure). She hates us because we "forced" her to be evaluated and receive therapy, and thinks we are crazy for thinking she needs any support.

The school is recommending an IEP for her - for EF, anxiety, social supports. She did not quite meet the criteria for autism or adhd, although the report says she exhibits some of the characteristics. Mainly it looks like we scored her quite a bit higher for these traits than her teachers did - but I also wonder how much of this is due to her masking at school. She even described herself as "nicer" at school than at home.

I have 3 questions:
1) What is the best way to approach this with our daughter? She is going to fly into a rage when she finds out she's been recommended for an IEP. She's done her own "research" and determined that IEPs are for people with disabilities, which she is quite clear she does not have.
2) Do we pursue a private eval? What would be the benefit? I'm leaning towards no because this whole evaluation process has been very draining for our daughter and we've pretty much used up any good will at this point. Also, it does sound like the school sounds prepared to provide the supports that she needs - which I think is really the most important thing.
3) Is there anything else we should do prior to going into the IEP meeting?

What cognitive tests, specifically, did they run? IQ testing? Achievement testing in all areas? language processing? rapid naming? social pragmatic language testing? executive function testing (not just checklists)? computerized attention testing?

IME, I would not trust a school's evaluation, especially if it says "did not quite meet the criteria". I would proceed with several different evaluations -- 1) pediatrician - ask for complete screening of all things that could affect "flying into a rage" or other symptoms & anything that would need to be screened before taking medication -- thyroid labs, vitamin D, iron panel, liver and kidney function, etc. 2) neuropsychiatric evaluation -- this is a fuller and more independent exam than what school provides. TBH, it is in the school's interest to *not* diagnose or qualify your child if they can get away with it. I've seen it many times. 3) make at least 2 therapy appointments and let her see if she likes anyone or offer her to try another person if she thinks the current one isn't helping.

You will need to talk to your DD repeatedly about this - you as a parent are asking her to talk to her health professionals and get screened. You acknowledge that as a parent you can't make her do anything, but it is your job to make appointments and offer her tools. When she is angry, you can acknowledge her anger and ask her honest questions about why she is angry and listen authentically and reflectively. If she describes herself or others who have IEPs as broken or disabled or weak, you can acknowledge her feelings while at the same time making it clear that is not how YOU see her or other people who need IEPs or 504 plans. School is a factory that works on certain kinds of brains. In the olden days, we called people who don't have that kind of brain "disabled," but we know better now -- brains are different and some people need accommodations to help them learn and show what they have learned, and other people need special instruction and needing either of those doesn't make you not smart. Ask her to go to the appointments and learn what the options and opinions are, and acknowledge that she is free to reject any diagnosis or treatment options that don't feel right to her. But, ask her to at least get information so that she can make an informed decision. If she says no, just accept that and tell her that the offer remains open, and if she changes her mind she can come back to you.

My DS was very resistant to therapy and medication for ADHD. He came around after the above approach. He needed to know that I didn't think he was broken, and that his treatment was his choice. He found both medicine and therapy helpful for a while but stopped both in college and is doing OK (with some ups and downs).

This post is so frustrating because 99% of your advice is SO good, and I really want this mom to listen to you. But I strongly disagree that it's in the school's best interest to not find your child eligible, because if your child is struggling and getting poor grades, the school is likely looking for ways to support/ help them do better versus trying to deny something. There are eligibility criteria for a reason, and from these descriptions you have provided your child doesn't *OBVIOUSLY * have autism or ADHD, so I find their caution quite reasonable .Go ahead and get a private eval if you have the money to spend, but I just urge to consider that while you are doing it, it's because you want more information versus assuming the school has bad intentions.

[Anonymous]

The school staff are not qualified to diagnose. But, it really depends on next steps with what you feel she needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need help working through the evaluation report I've just received from my daughter's school and figure out next steps.

In addition to all of the cognitive tests, the report also included evals for autism, adhd, and anxiety - but those were essentially scales reported by me, daughter, and teachers.

I also wrote this post: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1317380.page
Long story short, we have an 8th grader who is extremely resistant to receiving help, acknowledging any weaknesses (sees that as a failure). She hates us because we "forced" her to be evaluated and receive therapy, and thinks we are crazy for thinking she needs any support.

The school is recommending an IEP for her - for EF, anxiety, social supports. She did not quite meet the criteria for autism or adhd, although the report says she exhibits some of the characteristics. Mainly it looks like we scored her quite a bit higher for these traits than her teachers did - but I also wonder how much of this is due to her masking at school. She even described herself as "nicer" at school than at home.

I have 3 questions:
1) What is the best way to approach this with our daughter? She is going to fly into a rage when she finds out she's been recommended for an IEP. She's done her own "research" and determined that IEPs are for people with disabilities, which she is quite clear she does not have.
2) Do we pursue a private eval? What would be the benefit? I'm leaning towards no because this whole evaluation process has been very draining for our daughter and we've pretty much used up any good will at this point. Also, it does sound like the school sounds prepared to provide the supports that she needs - which I think is really the most important thing.
3) Is there anything else we should do prior to going into the IEP meeting?

What cognitive tests, specifically, did they run? IQ testing? Achievement testing in all areas? language processing? rapid naming? social pragmatic language testing? executive function testing (not just checklists)? computerized attention testing?

IME, I would not trust a school's evaluation, especially if it says "did not quite meet the criteria". I would proceed with several different evaluations -- 1) pediatrician - ask for complete screening of all things that could affect "flying into a rage" or other symptoms & anything that would need to be screened before taking medication -- thyroid labs, vitamin D, iron panel, liver and kidney function, etc. 2) neuropsychiatric evaluation -- this is a fuller and more independent exam than what school provides. TBH, it is in the school's interest to *not* diagnose or qualify your child if they can get away with it. I've seen it many times. 3) make at least 2 therapy appointments and let her see if she likes anyone or offer her to try another person if she thinks the current one isn't helping.

You will need to talk to your DD repeatedly about this - you as a parent are asking her to talk to her health professionals and get screened. You acknowledge that as a parent you can't make her do anything, but it is your job to make appointments and offer her tools. When she is angry, you can acknowledge her anger and ask her honest questions about why she is angry and listen authentically and reflectively. If she describes herself or others who have IEPs as broken or disabled or weak, you can acknowledge her feelings while at the same time making it clear that is not how YOU see her or other people who need IEPs or 504 plans. School is a factory that works on certain kinds of brains. In the olden days, we called people who don't have that kind of brain "disabled," but we know better now -- brains are different and some people need accommodations to help them learn and show what they have learned, and other people need special instruction and needing either of those doesn't make you not smart. Ask her to go to the appointments and learn what the options and opinions are, and acknowledge that she is free to reject any diagnosis or treatment options that don't feel right to her. But, ask her to at least get information so that she can make an informed decision. If she says no, just accept that and tell her that the offer remains open, and if she changes her mind she can come back to you.

My DS was very resistant to therapy and medication for ADHD. He came around after the above approach. He needed to know that I didn't think he was broken, and that his treatment was his choice. He found both medicine and therapy helpful for a while but stopped both in college and is doing OK (with some ups and downs).

I appreciate the feedback. Most of those things you mentioned were covered in the school evaluation. It's really tough getting through to our daughter - she doesn't believe anything we say, but I'm hoping we are just going to wear her defenses down from all angles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need help working through the evaluation report I've just received from my daughter's school and figure out next steps.

In addition to all of the cognitive tests, the report also included evals for autism, adhd, and anxiety - but those were essentially scales reported by me, daughter, and teachers.

I also wrote this post: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1317380.page
Long story short, we have an 8th grader who is extremely resistant to receiving help, acknowledging any weaknesses (sees that as a failure). She hates us because we "forced" her to be evaluated and receive therapy, and thinks we are crazy for thinking she needs any support.

The school is recommending an IEP for her - for EF, anxiety, social supports. She did not quite meet the criteria for autism or adhd, although the report says she exhibits some of the characteristics. Mainly it looks like we scored her quite a bit higher for these traits than her teachers did - but I also wonder how much of this is due to her masking at school. She even described herself as "nicer" at school than at home.

I have 3 questions:
1) What is the best way to approach this with our daughter? She is going to fly into a rage when she finds out she's been recommended for an IEP. She's done her own "research" and determined that IEPs are for people with disabilities, which she is quite clear she does not have.
2) Do we pursue a private eval? What would be the benefit? I'm leaning towards no because this whole evaluation process has been very draining for our daughter and we've pretty much used up any good will at this point. Also, it does sound like the school sounds prepared to provide the supports that she needs - which I think is really the most important thing.
3) Is there anything else we should do prior to going into the IEP meeting?

What cognitive tests, specifically, did they run? IQ testing? Achievement testing in all areas? language processing? rapid naming? social pragmatic language testing? executive function testing (not just checklists)? computerized attention testing?

IME, I would not trust a school's evaluation, especially if it says "did not quite meet the criteria". I would proceed with several different evaluations -- 1) pediatrician - ask for complete screening of all things that could affect "flying into a rage" or other symptoms & anything that would need to be screened before taking medication -- thyroid labs, vitamin D, iron panel, liver and kidney function, etc. 2) neuropsychiatric evaluation -- this is a fuller and more independent exam than what school provides. TBH, it is in the school's interest to *not* diagnose or qualify your child if they can get away with it. I've seen it many times. 3) make at least 2 therapy appointments and let her see if she likes anyone or offer her to try another person if she thinks the current one isn't helping.

You will need to talk to your DD repeatedly about this - you as a parent are asking her to talk to her health professionals and get screened. You acknowledge that as a parent you can't make her do anything, but it is your job to make appointments and offer her tools. When she is angry, you can acknowledge her anger and ask her honest questions about why she is angry and listen authentically and reflectively. If she describes herself or others who have IEPs as broken or disabled or weak, you can acknowledge her feelings while at the same time making it clear that is not how YOU see her or other people who need IEPs or 504 plans. School is a factory that works on certain kinds of brains. In the olden days, we called people who don't have that kind of brain "disabled," but we know better now -- brains are different and some people need accommodations to help them learn and show what they have learned, and other people need special instruction and needing either of those doesn't make you not smart. Ask her to go to the appointments and learn what the options and opinions are, and acknowledge that she is free to reject any diagnosis or treatment options that don't feel right to her. But, ask her to at least get information so that she can make an informed decision. If she says no, just accept that and tell her that the offer remains open, and if she changes her mind she can come back to you.

My DS was very resistant to therapy and medication for ADHD. He came around after the above approach. He needed to know that I didn't think he was broken, and that his treatment was his choice. He found both medicine and therapy helpful for a while but stopped both in college and is doing OK (with some ups and downs).

This post is so frustrating because 99% of your advice is SO good, and I really want this mom to listen to you. But I strongly disagree that it's in the school's best interest to not find your child eligible, because if your child is struggling and getting poor grades, the school is likely looking for ways to support/ help them do better versus trying to deny something. There are eligibility criteria for a reason, and from these descriptions you have provided your child doesn't *OBVIOUSLY * have autism or ADHD, so I find their caution quite reasonable .Go ahead and get a private eval if you have the money to spend, but I just urge to consider that while you are doing it, it's because you want more information versus assuming the school has bad intentions.

OP here and I'm leaning towards this assessment as well. I do think they've identified her greatest challenges and actual supports that can help those challenges. I feel like that's essentially all we needed anyway.

Unless there is some other benefit to receiving a diagnosis that I am not aware of....