Parent/Teacher Conferences
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Anonymous
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What are parent/teacher conferences like for your third grader?
We go to a small private school that doesn't have formal grades in third grade. That can make it difficult to gauge. Most recently, the teachers started off by saying nice things, but then it turned out or kid is not good with spelling rules, is ok at math but had some challenges with a couple of things, and gets a little tense with challenges. The teachers didn't think anything was atypical for the age, but none of that seemed great to me. Trying to decide if they were gently telling me that our kid isn't doing that well. I have been on the verge of leaving the school several times because I have found it underwhelming in various ways. Sort of wishing I had gone through with it already. |
Anonymous
| You could ask if the performance is at grade level or as expected, or whether you should do anything further at home. Generally teachers will tell you if their see need for extra help but often only if you ask. Keep in mind too that teacher will always look to share positive things and areas for improvement. |
Anonymous
| In our public it's a 15 min conference. Teachers bring out assignments and go over progress and any academic or discipline problems. We come with questions. We can also reach out to teachers outside official conference times for feedback on student progress. |
Anonymous
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In my experience (in public) teachers mainly ONLy shared positive things and were not clear about areas where our student was having trouble.
Literally found out the next day in an email about the problems even though they only had positive things to say during the conference. And, this was with very engaged and competent teachers. I’m not sure if the teachers are afraid of parents reaction to bad news or if they figure you already know and want to keep the meeting positive. |
Anonymous
| Does your private school administer any of the testing that's optional for private schools? That can give you a high-level view of where your kid stands in relation to state or national standards. |
Anonymous
No, I wish they did. It always feels very loose around there. I do think our child is a strong reader. The issues are more with things like spelling and sometimes math (but not always or generally). Our child is also on the younger end of the class so that makes it challenging as well--somewhat unfair to compare his spelling against little girls who are 7-9 months older. |
Anonymous
What testing are you talking about? |
Anonymous
We have had a similar experiences. I sometimes felt like I was reading tea leaves trying to understand what the teacher was saying. I remember at one point a teacher gave us all this positive feedback on our DD, how well she was doing in class, that she was kind and follow directions, etc. And then there was a long pause, and she said "Does she... like school?" It felt so loaded. We immediately said yes, we thought she liked school, though sometimes she was anxious and struggled socially. The teacher just kind of nodded but said nothing. We'd been thinking about changing schools already (because of the anxiety and social struggles) but then kind of took that as the teacher confirming that instinct, but it's not like she was going to say "I think your daughter seems unhappy and would do better in a different school environment" because I guess you just aren't allowed to say stuff like that now? We did change schools the next year, and it went okay and I think the next school was a better fit. But I've always wished that teachers could just be frank about their opinions because it's so hard as a parent to read between the lines and try to figure it out. Like the next year when DD had some challenges adjusting to her new school, there were days when I though "what if I misinterpreted that whole situation and that was just a standard question that teacher always asks and her responses were normal and she thought our kid was doing fine and was happy?" You have to really trust your own instincts and hope you get it right because very few people are going to tell it to you straight or give you direct advice (except precisely the people who have no idea and you wish would be quiet, like your husband's opinionated aunt or the neighbor who just wants you to validate her own choices by doing the same stuff). I'd love a truly honest parent-teacher conference. It would be genuinely refreshing. Do other people get those? |
Anonymous
Tests like DIEBELS that are routinely given in public schools because (I think) it's required. |
Anonymous
Iowa test of basic skills is often used in private settings to have some amount of nationally normed info. My DD is in a private that uses both Iowa and iReady and my friend’s daughter is in a private that uses MAP. My DS in public also does MAP (3x per year) and this year in 3rd will take the VA SOLs. |
Anonymous
Do a significant number of private schools really not do any of this kind of testing at all? |
Anonymous
OP here. Our school does DIEBELS, but nothing else. You have to specifically ask for DIEBELS scores. I have been able to confirm from those scores that our kid's reading ability is fine. However, DIEBELS seems more like a tool for identifying problems than a test that measures where your kid's ability is at if there aren't problems doing fine. No testing for math, writing or spelling. For math, I get most of my baseline info from Mathnasium. For writing and spelling, I get info entirely by trying to figure out (very imperfectly) what other kids' work looks like. It is not great. |
Anonymous
Our school uses DIEBLS and one other test but the name is escaping me. IME the teachers mention it on conference day, but spend more time going over how the student does in various academic subjects at school. I've never had a kid in public (at least so far) so I don't know if it's much different there in terms of how much feedback is given on those tests. |
Anonymous
| Both of my kids had this one particular public school 3rd grade teacher who had the best conferences. She had the kids complete a self rating sheet that also included short answer questions. Then, the kid actually participated and the teacher, parents and kids had this amazing discussion of strengths, weaknesses and goals. She also had excellent classroom control. It was a great year. |
Anonymous
I will tell you exactly why teachers are presenting information in this way, at least my school: 1. Admin, one of whom repeatedly reminds us that parents are "the paying customers", insist we follow a "compliment sandwich" structure for feedback in conferences and written reports. There is even a slide deck with examples of both ideal and unacceptable things to say. We have to begin by emphasizing the positives, then present negatives "not as negative, but as suggestions for improvement", and then finish with more positives. I can see that many times, parents are not fully grasping their child's weaknesses in their entirety, and they certainly aren't presented with the full magnitude of behavior issues. The "compliment sandwich" bamboozles parents into thinking things are better than they are, and allows them to seize upon the positives. Parents from other cultures really seem confused by this, as in their cultures the teacher tells them the student's weaknesses and actual peformance information in a direct, no-nonsense way without the fluff or euphemism. 2. If a parent IS unhappy with negative feedback and chooses to blame the teacher, looping admin into this crusade, the teacher will be interrogated by admin in a way that is harsh, humiliating, and often retributive. And that teacher will then be scrutinized in a way that is not ideal if you work at a private school with no job security. 3. Teachers who are loved by parents are the ones who are praised, prioritized for the best classes, and have the best references when they move on to other jobs, and will just have an overall more pleasant time at work. I have been teaching for 20 years and at the start of my career, I could give more honest feedback. I've adapted because that is what I have to do. Parenting styles have changed, and perception of teachers and the teaching profession has changed as well, as you can see from DCUM. See the thread with the person complaining about teachers who miss too much school: this reminds me of a colleague I had years ago who was dying of breast cancer, but kept working as long as she could. In the early stages of her treatment, before it was obvious what was going on, parents were ruthless about her missed days (for medical appointments) and her inability to respond immediately to their emails. I also had a colleague whose 3 year old child was killed in a sudden accident: she returned to school because she had to for financial reasons, but she was severely affected by her grief and trauma, parents KNEW her child had died, but within months of the funeral they were complaining about her reduced performance and attentiveness to them. People are quick to attack and blame teachers. It is what it is. |