Can trust ever come back in a marriage?
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Anonymous
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I used to think trust issues were all about cheating. But I (41 y/o woman married 12 years, 2 young kids), but in my marriage they have become about being invisible to my husband when I really needed him to be there for me, repeatedly. It's a part mix of an attitude of entitlement on his part and part a mix of obliviousness, but he says he really sees the damage it's caused and he wants to change it. The problem is that I really don't feel comfortable trusting him anymore, my wall does not want to come down. I feel he is unreliable as someone who I can count on emotionally; I don't think he is capable of changing this about himself.
This sucks so badly. |
Anonymous
| I think if he goes to therapy regularly for a LONG sustained time and is interested in doing hard work for years, that yes, it can come back. Barring that, no. And I will say it can also come in the form of educating himself to do the work without a therapist, but he probably does have to engage a professional at some point. |
Anonymous
| What’d he do? |
Anonymous
| No. |
Anonymous
| OP, currently you're talking nonsense. State your case with specifics, ideally. Or go to therapy for yourself. Or something. |
Anonymous
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Divorce.
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Anonymous
+1. what happened |
Anonymous
The DH found this thread. |
Anonymous
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Aww I am sorry OP.
Would you + your husband consider going to counseling together?? You sound like the perfect candidates. ❤️ |
Anonymous
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I am not OP but could have written this. Some examples of things my husband did to shatter my trust:
- my pregnancy was very high risk. At 32 wks, I had to go into the hospital for complications and a possible early c-section. His plan was to drop me off at the front door and go to work. He’d come back after work, he said. I had to beg him to come inside with me. - eventually had a preemie who needed to come home on an apnea machine and go to a lot of doctors appointments. In DC July, on the way home from an appointment, our car broke down. It was hot. I called for a tow. I called DH who was at work, who told me good luck. Tow took hours to come. A friend drove me home. DH never thought to call to check in to see if we were ok. I tried to call him again but he did not answer. He got home from work before we made it home and had forgotten about it. - one morning baby was having breathing issues. I called the doctor, who said to bring her in right away. DH was at work with the car, so I called him and told him we needed the car for the doctor. He said ok. An hour goes by, he’s not home, I try calling back, now he won’t answer. Breathing is worse; I have to call an ambulance. (His job at the time was a 5 minute drive.) - he’s been fired from multiple jobs. His jobs are low-paying, so his work excuses are unwarranted. I have been the primary earner for 95% of our relationship. - he was diagnosedwith Adhd and executive functioning issues but does not propytreat them. Can’t handle tasks like remembering to lock doors, change oil in car, charge phone, pick up kid from daycare on time, feed kid food that isn’t rotten. - I was diagnosed with major depression. Told him. He said, I had a feeling you were depressed. Then he never brought it up again. I could go on and on but will stop. He knows I don’t trust him. Once the kid has flown, I’ll probably leave forever. |
Anonymous
| * sorry for typos ^^ * |
Anonymous
| Not really, no. That's like asking if a broken plate can be seamlessly repaired. |