Couple “friends”

[Anonymous]

DH and I generally have a good friend group of couples that we’ve made over the years. Some of the men in the group are people he knew in college, some of the couples are peripheral to that group that we’ve gotten close to. I’m closer to some of the wives than others.

There is one couple in the group that moved into the area that is connected to DH’s original friend group through family/community. The past few years we have done dinners with them, first in groups, then after one on one as a couple. I’ve gotten to know them and spent time with them one on one, I realize I generally do not enjoy them. I find them loud and obnoxious. Sometimes at restaurants the husband will make snide comments to the wait staff. The wife has done/said some things over time that have rubbed me the wrong way. I’ve been open with DH about my feelings.

Here is the problem: The husband will aggressively text me/DH and sometimes us separately to find dates to get together. I’ve done a good job about saying no, I’m busy/ I can’t commit/ I have a work thing/ DH is traveling, etc. The guy won’t stop texting to find a date to get together - and then he doesn’t just want to meet at the restaurant. A couple times we committed to dinner, then day of they said they would stop by our place a couple hours before to hang out and go. OUR mistake on letting this happen more than once, because now they expect it.

I’ve told DH in no uncertain terms that I really do not want to hang out with them one on one, and especially do not want to host them when they invite themselves over. At this point, do I just ignore the texts from the husband, given he does not seem to get the hint? They are still part of the friend crew, but honestly we have known the friend crew a lot longer, and I am generally closer to the women in the friend group than the wife. I heard from another friend that they have invited themselves over to their house as well, so I may not be the only one that feels this way.

[Anonymous]

Are they swingers? Sounds like the husband wants to bang you.

[Anonymous]

I would totally ignore the text if my husband's friend texted me separately to plan a get together.

[Anonymous]

Have your husband deal. Plus he’s your husbands friend. Not yours.

Simply ignor-mute-block the texts.

[Anonymous]

If you have a smart phone there is a block feature.

If you know how to use google I am sure you can figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Blocking is very simple and very effective.

[Anonymous]

I would not put up with anyone inviting themselves over to my house. That is horribly rude. It shows that they do not respect you at all.
They are using you OP. Their need to be entertained or busy or not alone together is what matters to them. You and your husband are just a resource to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not put up with anyone inviting themselves over to my house. That is horribly rude. It shows that they do not respect you at all.
They are using you OP. Their need to be entertained or busy or not alone together is what matters to them. You and your husband are just a resource to them.

Yes! This is exactly how I feel. Even though DH says he understands, I don’t think he sees it the same way, so tries to still keep things cordial. Personally I would be fine just ignoring and/or blowing them off and at this point, being just as rude in return. I will do better at ignoring texts and not trying to accommodate out of guilt.

[Anonymous]

My DH has some college friends that we are "couple friends" with as part of a larger friend group. Maybe 4 or 5 years ago, I realized I just really didn't like the wife. Actually what I realized is that I don't think she likes me, because she's incredibly rude to me all the time and says condescending or insulting things like "oh I could NEVER send my kids to public school, but it's great you guys are making it work." Whenever we'd go out with them I'd come home feeling drained and annoyed.

So one day I just decided to skip the hangouts with them. I told DH he's welcome to go out with them but I will make an excuse I can't make it (not like a big lie, usually it will be something like "I've had a stressful week and need a night in" which is not really a lie so much as a gentler version of the truth). I still see them sometimes when the larger friend group gets together and it's fine. Though it also reminds me why I don't like her.

It's worked out fine. There's no dramatic falling out, and people generally accept that this woman and I are just not good friends, and everyone seems fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Not surprisingly I find it rude that this couple invites themselves over to your home to hang out.

I would be super-annoyed if someone did this to me.

Just because you had them over a few times is no excuse for them to assume that you have a permanent welcome mat for them.

Next time they ask, you can use the excuse that your house is simply not prepared for company, then maybe suggest meeting at their house instead??
Note: this will only work if you are SURE that they will not want to host you.

But truthfully - - if you really do not like them as people in general, you are under no obligation to even socialize w/them at all.

Life is truly too short to spend time in bad company.
Real friends should be people who you look forward to spending time with > not dreading it.

Good luck! 👍🏽