How do I handle my whiny direct report?

[Anonymous]

I am an in house lawyer (female). I have a talented contract person who works for me and has for several years. My problem is that she is the type to complain, and I am not the type who has the time or interest to listen to the same old stuff day after day.

The sales staff isn't detail oriented, no one is accountable, no one closely reads her email. All valid issues but ones that aren't going away anytime soon. She's a born martyr. My answer when she comes into my office and shuts the door and starts whining: "what would you like me to do about it?" then her eyes well up with tears. She's in her 50s! She needs to be talking to her husband, HR, her friends or a therapist. I like her work but I'm at the end of my rope on her complaints.

Advice?

[Anonymous]

Lean into it. Like a punch. Tell her she has five minutes to vent. Then she needs to go back to work.

[Anonymous]

Ask her if she's venting or if it's something you can fix. If you can't fix it, tell her that. If it's venting, give her a time limit.

[Anonymous]

You say that the issues are valid. As her boss, it is your job to make it possible for her to do her job. If something is standing in the way of this, then it is your job to fix it. If something is truly out of your control, then you need to raise it as an issue with someone who can control it. You say that these issues are not changing...but why? Why are you standing by and allowing your organization to be dysfunctional.

You say that you don't have the time or the interest to listen to her, but seem to not realize that this is part of your job.

I agree that the mode of expression is irritating (crying? really?), but it is obviously representative of actual problems. These are the sorts of things that cause good employees (you say that she is talented) to quit.

That said, you need to tell her when/if she starts complaining for the sake of complaining, as opposed to raising actual problems that are in need of resolution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask her if she's venting or if it's something you can fix. If you can't fix it, tell her that. If it's venting, give her a time limit.

Similar to this, don't come at with a problem without also suggesting a solution.

[Anonymous]

So they are all valid issues and she’s a high performer but you want her to be quiet? Why don’t you figure out what you can change or strategies you can employ to help her be more effective? You’re a bad manager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So they are all valid issues and she’s a high performer but you want her to be quiet? Why don’t you figure out what you can change or strategies you can employ to help her be more effective? You’re a bad manager.

Our CEO will not change. She knows I am doing what I can to improve the situation but it’s mostly out of my control. She knows that, but complains anyway which adds to my frustration.

[Anonymous]

This woman needs an emotional outlet and someone who will place boundaries on her venting. Part of your job as a boss is to support your team emotionally so they don't quit on you, OP.

She's in her 50s, so this is really hard for her, because ageism is real and if she's unsupported here, she may have to suffer through it anyway, since she might not find a job elsewhere...

You need to grow a heart and pretend to be sympathetic for a few minutes every day. Tell her this specifically, so she understands what her venting means for you: "Larla, you know I can't do anything to help you in practice. But you can come into my office to vent for a 15 minutes every Friday. Here, I'm starting the timer. I will listen closely during that time. Sit down and let it all out."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This woman needs an emotional outlet and someone who will place boundaries on her venting. Part of your job as a boss is to support your team emotionally so they don't quit on you, OP.

She's in her 50s, so this is really hard for her, because ageism is real and if she's unsupported here, she may have to suffer through it anyway, since she might not find a job elsewhere...

You need to grow a heart and pretend to be sympathetic for a few minutes every day. Tell her this specifically, so she understands what her venting means for you: "Larla, you know I can't do anything to help you in practice. But you can come into my office to vent for a 15 minutes every Friday. Here, I'm starting the timer. I will listen closely during that time. Sit down and let it all out."

Oof, no, none of this. Totally unprofessional and a waste of your time.

It appears her job, like 98 percent of jobs, involves communicating with people who aren't detail oriented and didn't read your email. Her job is to move the ball forward despite those very common shortcomings. Maybe she needs to write shorter emails, or write no emails and pick up the phone. Maybe there needs to be a QC step between the sales staff and whatever is going wrong. The answer is never to fix other people, because you can't - the answer is to figure out how to idiot-proof your interactions with them. So put her to work on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This woman needs an emotional outlet and someone who will place boundaries on her venting. Part of your job as a boss is to support your team emotionally so they don't quit on you, OP.

She's in her 50s, so this is really hard for her, because ageism is real and if she's unsupported here, she may have to suffer through it anyway, since she might not find a job elsewhere...

You need to grow a heart and pretend to be sympathetic for a few minutes every day. Tell her this specifically, so she understands what her venting means for you: "Larla, you know I can't do anything to help you in practice. But you can come into my office to vent for a 15 minutes every Friday. Here, I'm starting the timer. I will listen closely during that time. Sit down and let it all out."

Oof, no, none of this. Totally unprofessional and a waste of your time.

It appears her job, like 98 percent of jobs, involves communicating with people who aren't detail oriented and didn't read your email. Her job is to move the ball forward despite those very common shortcomings. Maybe she needs to write shorter emails, or write no emails and pick up the phone. Maybe there needs to be a QC step between the sales staff and whatever is going wrong. The answer is never to fix other people, because you can't - the answer is to figure out how to idiot-proof your interactions with them. So put her to work on that.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say that the issues are valid. As her boss, it is your job to make it possible for her to do her job. If something is standing in the way of this, then it is your job to fix it. If something is truly out of your control, then you need to raise it as an issue with someone who can control it. You say that these issues are not changing...but why? Why are you standing by and allowing your organization to be dysfunctional.

You say that you don't have the time or the interest to listen to her, but seem to not realize that this is part of your job.

I agree that the mode of expression is irritating (crying? really?), but it is obviously representative of actual problems. These are the sorts of things that cause good employees (you say that she is talented) to quit.

That said, you need to tell her when/if she starts complaining for the sake of complaining, as opposed to raising actual problems that are in need of resolution.

+1. Personally I wouldn't do a 180 on her, but I'd start steering the conversations towards the above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This woman needs an emotional outlet and someone who will place boundaries on her venting. Part of your job as a boss is to support your team emotionally so they don't quit on you, OP.

She's in her 50s, so this is really hard for her, because ageism is real and if she's unsupported here, she may have to suffer through it anyway, since she might not find a job elsewhere...

You need to grow a heart and pretend to be sympathetic for a few minutes every day. Tell her this specifically, so she understands what her venting means for you: "Larla, you know I can't do anything to help you in practice. But you can come into my office to vent for a 15 minutes every Friday. Here, I'm starting the timer. I will listen closely during that time. Sit down and let it all out."

Oof, no, none of this. Totally unprofessional and a waste of your time.

It appears her job, like 98 percent of jobs, involves communicating with people who aren't detail oriented and didn't read your email. Her job is to move the ball forward despite those very common shortcomings. Maybe she needs to write shorter emails, or write no emails and pick up the phone. Maybe there needs to be a QC step between the sales staff and whatever is going wrong. The answer is never to fix other people, because you can't - the answer is to figure out how to idiot-proof your interactions with them. So put her to work on that.

This is how bureaucracy was born.

Is there anything she can't get done? Or does it just take a lot of time, repetition, and last minute scrambling?

[Anonymous]

Is she expecting that the people she's complaining about will have their productivity and competency re-examined? Because it sounds like some people aren't doing their jobs...

[Anonymous]

Ask a Manager blog is my go to reference for common work situations.

https://www.askamanager.org/2015/02/how-to-handle-chronic-complainers-on-your-staff.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This woman needs an emotional outlet and someone who will place boundaries on her venting. Part of your job as a boss is to support your team emotionally so they don't quit on you, OP.

She's in her 50s, so this is really hard for her, because ageism is real and if she's unsupported here, she may have to suffer through it anyway, since she might not find a job elsewhere...

You need to grow a heart and pretend to be sympathetic for a few minutes every day. Tell her this specifically, so she understands what her venting means for you: "Larla, you know I can't do anything to help you in practice. But you can come into my office to vent for a 15 minutes every Friday. Here, I'm starting the timer. I will listen closely during that time. Sit down and let it all out."

Oof, no, none of this. Totally unprofessional and a waste of your time.

It appears her job, like 98 percent of jobs, involves communicating with people who aren't detail oriented and didn't read your email. Her job is to move the ball forward despite those very common shortcomings. Maybe she needs to write shorter emails, or write no emails and pick up the phone. Maybe there needs to be a QC step between the sales staff and whatever is going wrong. The answer is never to fix other people, because you can't - the answer is to figure out how to idiot-proof your interactions with them. So put her to work on that.

This is how bureaucracy was born.

Is there anything she can't get done? Or does it just take a lot of time, repetition, and last minute scrambling?

The latter.