Personality or pathology?

[Anonymous]

Ds (12) has a neurospych scheduled soon, but am at a bit of a loss as to what is up with him.

We know he has adhd, and likely then something else. The main thing about him is he's very self focused and inflexible. However he *seems* very culturally neurotypical of a boy of that age. He can sometimes display profound perspective taking. But his norm is not to be able to or want to engage in or flex around what others are experiencing or need. He is tolerant of, even celebratory of, his friends quirks and oddities and tries to build them up. But then with us, he's quite closed off.

sometimes it candidly makes me INSANE bc it 'feels' like being with someone super selfish, honestly. But that's not something i display or act on, just something i feel.

I know we'll learn more in the neuropsych, but curious if anyone else's child is similar?

[Anonymous]

Nothing you wrote seems particularly pathological at all, just normal teen stuff. A neuropsych won’t tell you anything. Money would be better spent by working with a family therapist yourself to understand what is normal teen behavior and how to set limits and maintain connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ds (12) has a neurospych scheduled soon, but am at a bit of a loss as to what is up with him.

We know he has adhd, and likely then something else. The main thing about him is he's very self focused and inflexible. However he *seems* very culturally neurotypical of a boy of that age. He can sometimes display profound perspective taking. But his norm is not to be able to or want to engage in or flex around what others are experiencing or need. He is tolerant of, even celebratory of, his friends quirks and oddities and tries to build them up. But then with us, he's quite closed off.

sometimes it candidly makes me INSANE bc it 'feels' like being with someone super selfish, honestly. But that's not something i display or act on, just something i feel.

I know we'll learn more in the neuropsych, but curious if anyone else's child is similar?

That's how my teen with autism and adhd presents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ds (12) has a neurospych scheduled soon, but am at a bit of a loss as to what is up with him.

We know he has adhd, and likely then something else. The main thing about him is he's very self focused and inflexible. However he *seems* very culturally neurotypical of a boy of that age. He can sometimes display profound perspective taking. But his norm is not to be able to or want to engage in or flex around what others are experiencing or need. He is tolerant of, even celebratory of, his friends quirks and oddities and tries to build them up. But then with us, he's quite closed off.

sometimes it candidly makes me INSANE bc it 'feels' like being with someone super selfish, honestly. But that's not something i display or act on, just something i feel.

I know we'll learn more in the neuropsych, but curious if anyone else's child is similar?

That's how my teen with autism and adhd presents.

Is your teen otherwise neurotypical seeming? And are they also irritable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ds (12) has a neurospych scheduled soon, but am at a bit of a loss as to what is up with him.

We know he has adhd, and likely then something else. The main thing about him is he's very self focused and inflexible. However he *seems* very culturally neurotypical of a boy of that age. He can sometimes display profound perspective taking. But his norm is not to be able to or want to engage in or flex around what others are experiencing or need. He is tolerant of, even celebratory of, his friends quirks and oddities and tries to build them up. But then with us, he's quite closed off.

sometimes it candidly makes me INSANE bc it 'feels' like being with someone super selfish, honestly. But that's not something i display or act on, just something i feel.

I know we'll learn more in the neuropsych, but curious if anyone else's child is similar?

That's how my teen with autism and adhd presents.

Is your teen otherwise neurotypical seeming? And are they also irritable?

Mine is, she masks and then needs decompression time at home.

Hard to distinguish irritableness between puberty hormones versus audhd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ds (12) has a neurospych scheduled soon, but am at a bit of a loss as to what is up with him.

We know he has adhd, and likely then something else. The main thing about him is he's very self focused and inflexible. However he *seems* very culturally neurotypical of a boy of that age. He can sometimes display profound perspective taking. But his norm is not to be able to or want to engage in or flex around what others are experiencing or need. He is tolerant of, even celebratory of, his friends quirks and oddities and tries to build them up. But then with us, he's quite closed off.

sometimes it candidly makes me INSANE bc it 'feels' like being with someone super selfish, honestly. But that's not something i display or act on, just something i feel.

I know we'll learn more in the neuropsych, but curious if anyone else's child is similar?

That's how my teen with autism and adhd presents.

Is your teen otherwise neurotypical seeming? And are they also irritable?

Mine is, she masks and then needs decompression time at home.

Hard to distinguish irritableness between puberty hormones versus audhd.

It IS hard. How did you distinguish? Is she just selfish and irritable or is there more to it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ds (12) has a neurospych scheduled soon, but am at a bit of a loss as to what is up with him.

We know he has adhd, and likely then something else. The main thing about him is he's very self focused and inflexible. However he *seems* very culturally neurotypical of a boy of that age. He can sometimes display profound perspective taking. But his norm is not to be able to or want to engage in or flex around what others are experiencing or need. He is tolerant of, even celebratory of, his friends quirks and oddities and tries to build them up. But then with us, he's quite closed off.

sometimes it candidly makes me INSANE bc it 'feels' like being with someone super selfish, honestly. But that's not something i display or act on, just something i feel.

I know we'll learn more in the neuropsych, but curious if anyone else's child is similar?

That's how my teen with autism and adhd presents.

Is your teen otherwise neurotypical seeming? And are they also irritable?

Mine is, she masks and then needs decompression time at home.

Hard to distinguish irritableness between puberty hormones versus audhd.

It IS hard. How did you distinguish? Is she just selfish and irritable or is there more to it?

I don’t know, going in for her every four years neuropsych test soon. She makes me depressed if I worry about her too much, that’s for sure. She tries to quit her activities, says No to all suggestions or new activities, and is a roller coaster of needy emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ds (12) has a neurospych scheduled soon, but am at a bit of a loss as to what is up with him.

We know he has adhd, and likely then something else. The main thing about him is he's very self focused and inflexible. However he *seems* very culturally neurotypical of a boy of that age. He can sometimes display profound perspective taking. But his norm is not to be able to or want to engage in or flex around what others are experiencing or need. He is tolerant of, even celebratory of, his friends quirks and oddities and tries to build them up. But then with us, he's quite closed off.

sometimes it candidly makes me INSANE bc it 'feels' like being with someone super selfish, honestly. But that's not something i display or act on, just something i feel.

I know we'll learn more in the neuropsych, but curious if anyone else's child is similar?

That's how my teen with autism and adhd presents.

Is your teen otherwise neurotypical seeming? And are they also irritable?

Mine is, she masks and then needs decompression time at home.

Hard to distinguish irritableness between puberty hormones versus audhd.

It IS hard. How did you distinguish? Is she just selfish and irritable or is there more to it?

It’s actually not hard to distinguish …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ds (12) has a neurospych scheduled soon, but am at a bit of a loss as to what is up with him.

We know he has adhd, and likely then something else. The main thing about him is he's very self focused and inflexible. However he *seems* very culturally neurotypical of a boy of that age. He can sometimes display profound perspective taking. But his norm is not to be able to or want to engage in or flex around what others are experiencing or need. He is tolerant of, even celebratory of, his friends quirks and oddities and tries to build them up. But then with us, he's quite closed off.

sometimes it candidly makes me INSANE bc it 'feels' like being with someone super selfish, honestly. But that's not something i display or act on, just something i feel.

I know we'll learn more in the neuropsych, but curious if anyone else's child is similar?

That's how my teen with autism and adhd presents.

Is your teen otherwise neurotypical seeming? And are they also irritable?

Mine is, she masks and then needs decompression time at home.

Hard to distinguish irritableness between puberty hormones versus audhd.

It IS hard. How did you distinguish? Is she just selfish and irritable or is there more to it?

It’s actually not hard to distinguish …

But then how do you distinguish?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ds (12) has a neurospych scheduled soon, but am at a bit of a loss as to what is up with him.

We know he has adhd, and likely then something else. The main thing about him is he's very self focused and inflexible. However he *seems* very culturally neurotypical of a boy of that age. He can sometimes display profound perspective taking. But his norm is not to be able to or want to engage in or flex around what others are experiencing or need. He is tolerant of, even celebratory of, his friends quirks and oddities and tries to build them up. But then with us, he's quite closed off.

sometimes it candidly makes me INSANE bc it 'feels' like being with someone super selfish, honestly. But that's not something i display or act on, just something i feel.

I know we'll learn more in the neuropsych, but curious if anyone else's child is similar?

That's how my teen with autism and adhd presents.

Is your teen otherwise neurotypical seeming? And are they also irritable?

Mine is, she masks and then needs decompression time at home.

Hard to distinguish irritableness between puberty hormones versus audhd.

It IS hard. How did you distinguish? Is she just selfish and irritable or is there more to it?

It’s actually not hard to distinguish …

But then how do you distinguish?

Autism is present early in childhood and doesn’t just appear in adolescence. a person with autism doesn’t appear totally neurotypical (OP’s description). The notion of “masking” is usually not grounded in reality - people with autism are autistic in all settings. It’s possible to have very mild autism or autism that is only clinically impairing in one setting but “my child masks completely at school but not at home!” generally indicates there is no autism.

[Anonymous]

op - i read so much about the asd diagnoses many on here get that are more subtle so I'm curious about those.

For ds, as I said, the manifestation of whatever he has is irritability, self involvement and inflexibility (not about routines, but about doing what he wants to do). He does need a lot of decompression time and has weak interoception capabilities and poor emotional regulation.

ASD is such a mystery to me at this point in terms of 'what it is', but I'm guessing maybe it is this. It's confusing bc as i said, it doesn't feel like he is culturally distinct from other 12 yo boys. Just at home, is difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ds (12) has a neurospych scheduled soon, but am at a bit of a loss as to what is up with him.

We know he has adhd, and likely then something else. The main thing about him is he's very self focused and inflexible. However he *seems* very culturally neurotypical of a boy of that age. He can sometimes display profound perspective taking. But his norm is not to be able to or want to engage in or flex around what others are experiencing or need. He is tolerant of, even celebratory of, his friends quirks and oddities and tries to build them up. But then with us, he's quite closed off.

sometimes it candidly makes me INSANE bc it 'feels' like being with someone super selfish, honestly. But that's not something i display or act on, just something i feel.

I know we'll learn more in the neuropsych, but curious if anyone else's child is similar?

That's how my teen with autism and adhd presents.

Is your teen otherwise neurotypical seeming? And are they also irritable?

Mine is, she masks and then needs decompression time at home.

Hard to distinguish irritableness between puberty hormones versus audhd.

It IS hard. How did you distinguish? Is she just selfish and irritable or is there more to it?

I don’t know, going in for her every four years neuropsych test soon. She makes me depressed if I worry about her too much, that’s for sure. She tries to quit her activities, says No to all suggestions or new activities, and is a roller coaster of needy emotions.

You make yourself depressed. You are in control of that, not your child. Don't blame your child. Are you a troll? You sound very uncaring. I guarantee your dd would prefer not to be this way. She's going to experience plenty of rejection in the world. You need to be her champion, not her biggest critic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op - i read so much about the asd diagnoses many on here get that are more subtle so I'm curious about those.

For ds, as I said, the manifestation of whatever he has is irritability, self involvement and inflexibility (not about routines, but about doing what he wants to do). He does need a lot of decompression time and has weak interoception capabilities and poor emotional regulation.

ASD is such a mystery to me at this point in terms of 'what it is', but I'm guessing maybe it is this. It's confusing bc as i said, it doesn't feel like he is culturally distinct from other 12 yo boys. Just at home, is difficult.

ASD is only a mystery if you don’t read the DSM criteria …

A kid who socializes normally but is a PITA at home doesn’t sound like he fits the criteria.

[Anonymous]

All kids are selfish. That's important for them to make it to adulthood. They are like parasites on their parents but at least you don't die after giving birth to them, like an octopus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op - i read so much about the asd diagnoses many on here get that are more subtle so I'm curious about those.

For ds, as I said, the manifestation of whatever he has is irritability, self involvement and inflexibility (not about routines, but about doing what he wants to do). He does need a lot of decompression time and has weak interoception capabilities and poor emotional regulation.

ASD is such a mystery to me at this point in terms of 'what it is', but I'm guessing maybe it is this. It's confusing bc as i said, it doesn't feel like he is culturally distinct from other 12 yo boys. Just at home, is difficult.

Have you looked into PDA?