I realize I’m kind of a boring stuffy person

[Anonymous]

I’m not the one making witty banter or laughing loudly as I make my way through a room charming everyone. I’m intense and guarded and intellectually inclined.

It’s been hard as I think people don’t like me and find it hard to connect with me.

Any advice on how to navigate the world?

[Anonymous]

Join groups or clubs or activities related to what does interest you. Much easier to connect over a shared interest: it gives you obvious topics of conversation, if nothing else.

[Anonymous]

How to win friends and influence people by Carnegie Mellon.

Are you rude to people that are good with people and funny and can banter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How to win friends and influence people by Carnegie Mellon.

Are you rude to people that are good with people and funny and can banter?

Not at all! I’m nice and try to engage but I’m too boring and serious. I can’t keep up with their witty banter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How to win friends and influence people by Carnegie Mellon.

Are you rude to people that are good with people and funny and can banter?

Not at all! I’m nice and try to engage but I’m too boring and serious. I can’t keep up with their witty banter.

These are not your people. You need to find other serious, intellectual people. The folks who I know like this usually make good friends through work.

[Anonymous]

If you aren’t in to witty banter, just laugh and ask them questions. People love that. You don’t have to be that interesting. Just interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you aren’t in to witty banter, just laugh and ask them questions. People love that. You don’t have to be that interesting. Just interested.

This is true. Just ask them questions about themselves. Are you in DC? There are lots of serious, intellectual, "stuffy" people here. You should not feel out of place.

[Anonymous]

You and millions of others. Why do you feel bad about being one of so many, OP?

It's a matter of processing speed and verbal skills. There are many of us in that category. It doesn't mean we're not intelligent and can't have deep conversations. I'm a research scientist. I'm never going to be the life of the party. I can listen and laugh and support those who are.

Make peace with yourself.

[Anonymous]

Op I am similar. I am "lucky" though because my husband is very outgoing and witty....so I am able to leech off of his relationships in many settings like family/school communities and even over lapping work stuff as we are both lawyers (though totally different kinds, but I notice at conferences we attend together vs separate I am received MUCH better when he's in the room). What bothers me the most is I think people assume I have low self esteem or am unsure of myself or depressed. I am lucky to have never been any of those; I truly am just boring. I enjoy MY life though so I don't worry as much about how my life isn't exciting. But I know how it feels when you can tell people think you are kinda blah, it bothered me a lot in my youth. As my kids get older its becoming less of a problem but the early "mom group" years were torturous on my soul!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op I am similar. I am "lucky" though because my husband is very outgoing and witty....so I am able to leech off of his relationships in many settings like family/school communities and even over lapping work stuff as we are both lawyers (though totally different kinds, but I notice at conferences we attend together vs separate I am received MUCH better when he's in the room). What bothers me the most is I think people assume I have low self esteem or am unsure of myself or depressed. I am lucky to have never been any of those; I truly am just boring. I enjoy MY life though so I don't worry as much about how my life isn't exciting. But I know how it feels when you can tell people think you are kinda blah, it bothered me a lot in my youth. As my kids get older its becoming less of a problem but the early "mom group" years were torturous on my soul!

Op here. I relate! I have a serious disposition and I enjoy depth and analysis and thinking through things. It’s really hard for me to make witty jokes about nothing on a whim and make everyone laugh and partake in casual chitchat.

I usually allow the witty people to engage the room and laugh along; but i can’t really form a meaningful connection with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op I am similar. I am "lucky" though because my husband is very outgoing and witty....so I am able to leech off of his relationships in many settings like family/school communities and even over lapping work stuff as we are both lawyers (though totally different kinds, but I notice at conferences we attend together vs separate I am received MUCH better when he's in the room). What bothers me the most is I think people assume I have low self esteem or am unsure of myself or depressed. I am lucky to have never been any of those; I truly am just boring. I enjoy MY life though so I don't worry as much about how my life isn't exciting. But I know how it feels when you can tell people think you are kinda blah, it bothered me a lot in my youth. As my kids get older its becoming less of a problem but the early "mom group" years were torturous on my soul!

Op here. I relate! I have a serious disposition and I enjoy depth and analysis and thinking through things. It’s really hard for me to make witty jokes about nothing on a whim and make everyone laugh and partake in casual chitchat.

I usually allow the witty people to engage the room and laugh along; but i can’t really form a meaningful connection with them.

Really? Some of my good friends are the ones with witty banter - sometimes opposites attract. I formed friendships with them one-on-one, not in a large group, and they were always the ones to seek me out. It works.

[Anonymous]

You need to find your people. Through activities, as a PP suggested. What hobbies do you have? What type of work are you in?

Nothing wrong with being how you are. You just need to meet others like you. I am the type to crack a lot of jokes in social settings, but I’m not making deep connections that way either.

[Anonymous]

DC is full of organizations for you. Assuming you are female, check out things like the Capital Speakers Club of DC or the Woman’s Club of Bethesda (or similar near you). Groups like these have more structure and events that can make it easier to meet people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How to win friends and influence people by Carnegie Mellon.

Are you rude to people that are good with people and funny and can banter?

Not at all! I’m nice and try to engage but I’m too boring and serious. I can’t keep up with their witty banter.

I think it would be really weird. If everybody in a group was the outgoing one every group has outgoing and introverted people. I think you’re overthinking it.

[Anonymous]

My dh and I are like that. We went to the same place of worship for 3+ years and several times the same guy introduced himself to us: he kept forgetting meeting us at all. It's more funny than anything else how forgettable and boring we are. I don't mind it as I prefer observing life anyway and just doing my own thing. For people I know better and care about, I am just seen as a dependable, serious and responsible person. That is just who I am and I'm not going to try and fool anyone for the sake of social acceptance.