Signs a relationship is going nowhere or is not a LTR prospect

[Anonymous]

Looking back what did you see that you wish you would have seen as a bad sign? Thinking about the discussion about a weekend getaway after a few months.

[Anonymous]

If you are paying attention, you should know by date three where things are going. And when you are dating, you should basically be interviewing him to understand whether he adds value to your life, not the other way around. If, after date 3, you don't feel he is really into you and he doesn't add value to your life, then move on.

[Anonymous]

Not reachable except for specific windows, outside of work and if they don't have kids or other family responsibilities. This is probably more a sign there's someone else.

[Anonymous]

No investment in dates. You don't have to be rich but if you are into someone you'll take time.

[Anonymous]

Disorganization or untreated ADHD or ASD.

[Anonymous]

Is he MAGA?
If yes, then pass.

[Anonymous]

The weekend getaway is something a lot of people use as a decision point for this. Lol, the reason I know this is that I dated a guy who took me to Miami Beach, and then broke up with me a week later. He later came crawling back and we ended up together pretty happily for a few years. We are still friends and a few years after we split I remember laughing to myself when he was dating someone casually and when I asked about her he told me he took her on a long weekend trip to see if they were ultimately compatible, because that's the best way to tell, and had decided she was boring and broke up with her. I still laugh to myself about this.

But as far as signs/flags, those are going to be somewhat individual. Presumably you know what you like, and don't, what you will tolerate and what you won't, what your pet peeves are, etc. I cannot stand a man who behaves in a way that I see as cheap; the same exact behavior is loved by my sister who enjoys budgeting and saving money like a favorite hobby. We are all different.

[Anonymous]

On again, off again!
Long distance, life changing moves like college, job etc.
Living together with no clear goals .

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t make plans with you way in advance. Then suddenly pops up on weekend (eg “plugs” you between other options).

[Anonymous]

temper, brusque communication style, not many friends, boring, doesn't want marriage/kid

[Anonymous]

drinks too much

[Anonymous]

She’s looking for you to wine and dine her at solely your expense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s looking for you to wine and dine her at solely your expense.

Good luck trying to find women who would dine and wine you. Share photos when found

[Anonymous]

There are two sides to this. The first is whether you assess that he's someone you want to have in your life for the long haul. The second is whether he is showing signs that he sees you as his LTR prospect. An earlier PP described the first well. As for the second, I'd say that unless he's being very proactive about focusing his attention, time, emotional energy, and resources on nurturing the relationship right away, he isn't going to. I'm older now (late 50s) and I got married the first time in my late 30s. I've done a lot of relationships and dating and watched my friends, classmates, coworkers, etc... go through it all for over 30 decades. I've never once seen a couple get married when the man was uncertain at the beginning about whether he wanted to be with the woman. I hate that this is the way it has played out in the lives of everyone I've seen and in my own life, but that's just me reporting on hundreds of observations. I've been married twice. Each time I felt 100% certain that he was totally into being with me and that it was my call whether the relationship advanced or not. The same is true for all of my friends and acquaintances. When we were all much younger, like in college or the first years after, the guy might not yet have been thinking that he was ready to marry. But if he were going to marry someone hypothetically, it would have been the woman he ultimately did marry. I've never seen a man go from "I don't see it happening with her" to "I can't live without her and she's got to be the mother of my children."

[Anonymous]

In my 20s I dated a man who was very attractive, great income, and charming. I was enamored, thought I was lucky and madly in love. Of course he was also a serial cheater, totally focused on his image and material goods, and just generally not a good person. I've now been married for 20 years to a very nice guy who was nothing like the ex but clearly the husband and father of my kids that I needed.