Extra chores on maternity leave

[Anonymous]

Does anyone else’s DH expect them to handle extra chores while they’re on maternity leave? One of the chores DH typically handles is collecting trash from throughout the house the night before the trash is collected and taking the trash can down to the curb.

Yesterday was trash day, and for whatever reason DH never took the bin down to the curb. He realized he forgot when the truck came by yesterday and told me last night that “maybe you should take the trash out while you’re not working.” To clarify, “not working” = on paid maternity leave from the job where I make 2/3 of our household income.

I think his expectation that I take over one of his chores during this period is, quite frankly, totally unreasonable - especially since it is a chore than cannot be easily performed with a baby in tow. Our baby is two months old and began refusing most crib recently. She took one non-contact nap yesterday, and, while I would have preferred to spend that time napping myself or exercising, I spent it… doing chores. I also was up late cleaning up the kitchen after the baby went down for the night. When I came to bed, DH was asleep with the lights off. And then I proceeded to handle the baby’s night wakings on my own. I just don’t have a ton of extra time to take care of additional tasks around the house right now.

DH has been doing a lot for our older child while I’m occupied with the baby, so I don’t want to give the impression that he’s doing nothing. Even so, I can’t believe he suggested that I take over one of his chores while I’m postpartum. And I think the fact that he clearly believes that I have “extra time” now - even though he is the one who is sleeping through the night and who is able to fit in an hour-long workout every day - bothers me even more than his suggestion that I take out the trash.

Did anyone else’s husband expect them to take on extra work around the house while they were on maternity leave? If so, what did you agree on? Even though this is my second time doing this, but I still find taking care of an infant to be hard work that does not leave a lot of time to get much else done.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he was embarrassed and is defensive.

I think the DH should do any physically demanding chore, and any chore that is hard to do while caring for an infant alone. But more importantly, the DH should be reliable and do what he agreed to do. That's the real problem here. And if you let him slack off because you're home, you'll have a tough time getting him back onto those chores when you go back to work. Men are lazy.

Do not stay up cleaning the kitchen. Leave it a mess and go to bed. You'll be much more able to get things done if you are sleeping more.

[Anonymous]

Wow, so you’re healing from having a baby and he wants you to do extra labor?

Remind him of the dinner plate size wound you’re still healing that takes multiple weeks to heal? Postpartum healing takes 2 to 7 years.

[Anonymous]

I don't remember, but what I see as the bigger picture problem is a spouse who may be overly into parity. And people obsessed with parity/tit for tat in marriage are kind of annoying. If I were you, I would do it and let this one go but highlight the bigger trend you're seeing or set something up for the future so this doesn't keep happening without discussing/clarifying questions and listening to answers.

[Anonymous]

I would not argue with him, and continue to not take responsibility for this chore.

[Anonymous]

What an A

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not argue with him, and continue to not take responsibility for this chore.

Perfection.

[Anonymous]

Collect the trash in his workout bag

Not really, but that’s what I would want to do…

[Anonymous]

I would tell him that at home chores are 50-50 and if he'd like to discuss money, remind him you make more than he does and will contribute equal to your salary and put away the rest in a seperate account.

[Anonymous]

When DH is home he's also "not working" so it sounds like the chore belongs to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When DH is home he's also "not working" so it sounds like the chore belongs to him.

This.

Men who make less than 50% tend to be whiny little babies about this kind of thing. Tell him you're concerned that he isn't setting a good example for how a MAN should behave.

[Anonymous]

I mean, I'd do it if it was after he got home and was feeding/comforting/changing the baby.

I think maybe your DH doesn't understand the level of care and attention that a 2 month old takes.

Do you bottle feed at all (Pumped or formula, IDK)? You should, so that YOU can get some non-baby time and your DH will have some full-on 1-on-1 time with his child without you around.

Let him have at least 8 hours without you some day soon -- he should have both kids. And then talk about rejiggering the chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't remember, but what I see as the bigger picture problem is a spouse who may be overly into parity. And people obsessed with parity/tit for tat in marriage are kind of annoying. If I were you, I would do it and let this one go but highlight the bigger trend you're seeing or set something up for the future so this doesn't keep happening without discussing/clarifying questions and listening to answers.

Yep. Also, of all the chores, this is an easy one if you don’t live in a mansion.

Keeping track of what each person is doing either means one person is not carrying their weight (which, fair to be annoyed) or one or both people are petty.

[Anonymous]

And in the moment, every time he says that you are "not working" remind him that you ARE working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What an A

+1