Baby fever hitting hard

[Anonymous]

I turn 40 in a few days and already have 2 kids. I swore I was done with children. My second pregnancy I developed eclampsia, my xH was cheating on me during the pregnancy and first year of DC2’s life, DC2 didn’t sleep through the night for over 2 years, so overall it was a very miserable time and I swore never to go through it again.

I don’t know if it’s hitting 40, my hormones pushing for one last try before menopause, or what, but all I can think about is having another baby. Part of the reason may also be that I’m dating my literal dream man, and he doesn’t have kids, so part of me wants to re-do things with him.

I’m seriously considering getting tubal ligation done ASAP so I don’t do anything stupid.

Anyone else go through this? It’s the hormones, right? I just have to make it through the next 5 years?

[Anonymous]

Why not have another? It’s worth it in the long run and it sounds like you’re game! I mean, see if y’all are going to go the distance first, but then jump on in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I turn 40 in a few days and already have 2 kids. I swore I was done with children. My second pregnancy I developed eclampsia, my xH was cheating on me during the pregnancy and first year of DC2’s life, DC2 didn’t sleep through the night for over 2 years, so overall it was a very miserable time and I swore never to go through it again.

I don’t know if it’s hitting 40, my hormones pushing for one last try before menopause, or what, but all I can think about is having another baby. Part of the reason may also be that I’m dating my literal dream man, and he doesn’t have kids, so part of me wants to re-do things with him.

I’m seriously considering getting tubal ligation done ASAP so I don’t do anything stupid.

Anyone else go through this? It’s the hormones, right? I just have to make it through the next 5 years?

What a disgusting thought. You have two beautiful children, but theyre not good enough because you picked a shitty dad for them?

I don't think getting a major surgery is the answer, but if you're hormonal enough to blow up your life than maybe it's a good idea. I would have suggested an IUD.

[Anonymous]

Famously, having a second family is really great for your original kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Famously, having a second family is really great for your original kids.

This. Do not do it!!

[Anonymous]

It’s hormones. Don’t do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I turn 40 in a few days and already have 2 kids. I swore I was done with children. My second pregnancy I developed eclampsia, my xH was cheating on me during the pregnancy and first year of DC2’s life, DC2 didn’t sleep through the night for over 2 years, so overall it was a very miserable time and I swore never to go through it again.

I don’t know if it’s hitting 40, my hormones pushing for one last try before menopause, or what, but all I can think about is having another baby. Part of the reason may also be that I’m dating my literal dream man, and he doesn’t have kids, so part of me wants to re-do things with him.

I’m seriously considering getting tubal ligation done ASAP so I don’t do anything stupid.

Anyone else go through this? It’s the hormones, right? I just have to make it through the next 5 years?

Call me.

[Anonymous]

I think it makes sense that you would want a baby when you are in a better relationship. But it sounds like you like the idea of a baby and not a baby - using words like something stupid and do over. But if you really want a baby and can think of this as the start of a new chapter, go for it.

[Anonymous]

No wonder no one wants to have kids anymore. You are not allowed to have even a shred of biological or selfish motivation anymore; it has to be a perfect, rational calculation with zero of your own interests involved to be considered a morally acceptable decision.

OP, I think it’s fine and normal to want a sort of “do over” when your only experience of having a baby was rough for reasons outside your control. My oldest has a severe sleep disorder that took over our lives and crowded out all other aspects of parenting to the point I truly have no memories of babyhood. This definitely played a part in my wanting a second, and I am not ashamed to say that. I wanted some happy memories of having a baby.

Do not have a baby with another man before being married. Do not marry before being really sure. Protect your existing kids financially and literally. But if you still want another, go for it.

[Anonymous]

I had a baby over 40. Same baby fever! It is perimenopause I think. My baby is the best sweetest thing that ever happened! We also have a teen. No divorce. Original intact family with a huge gap. I’m not sure if it would be so awesome in the situation with divorce. It would negatively impact your older kids more.

[Anonymous]

Have fun having a teenager in your 50s-early 60s. I'll be enjoying traveling and grandchildren instead.

[Anonymous]

I think it's normal and is hormones. I have 3 kids, last one at age 36, and got serious baby fever around that age too even though it made no sense in any shape or form. Thankfully we'd done the vasectomy by that point. At age 46 now and in peri menopause and the desire has passed, but I am really enjoying the last little kid days of my youngest knowing how fast it goes (oldest is 17), and also loving being an aunt to a little on.

[Anonymous]

its hormones DON'T FALL FOR THE BS.

[Anonymous]

If you were still married to your kids’ dad (& it was a good marriage), I’d say go for it. In your current situation, tread very carefully. Make sure it’s a permanent relationship. Get married first. Prioritize your kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, I posted something very similar 2 years ago when I was 40. I have 2 kids, ex cheated and my longterm childless boyfriend wanted one of his own. I considered it but ultimately decided to end the relationship, as it became a dealbreaker. I care about the well-being of my own children too much. Good luck with the decision, it is an agonizing one.