How often should we be winning against our kids?

[Anonymous]

It’s games like this., Games where when it comes down to it they’re just one sided. So should I be letting my kids win, or should I be playing to win?


I am mainly asking in terms of chance and fairness when it comes to playing these types of games with my three kids.

I’m just using Basketball as an example, because my youngest loves to play with me on the little tykes hoop, and my other two are playing on a lowered goal. I can consistently beat them, at the same time I feel guilty putting in an effort to play badly, because even then I am still able to pretty much decide. Another example would be that my toddler loves to have running races with me to the mailbox in the front yard. But she is a toddler and I am a adult, I can walk faster than her fastest run. Even when I put in an effort I’m still able to decide.


I’m just asking how would y’all play games like this? Games where, when it really comes down to it, they are one sided. There are other games that we play like this, but is it really a game if your opponent has every single advantage and Ken in the activity in a couple of seconds? Should I be playing to win or allow my kids to think that they have a chance to win? How would you go about this?

[Anonymous]

Why don't you try to improve your eye-hand coordination and dexterity by playing basketball with your non-dominant hand?

[Anonymous]

Can't you give yourself a handicap or like you start further from the mailbox or you have to go multiple times to beat him, or use non-dominant hand like PP said. Or each basket he gets is worth 5 points and yours are worth one point, whatever makes each of you win half the time. Define the game differently but actually complete at the redefined game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't you give yourself a handicap or like you start further from the mailbox or you have to go multiple times to beat him, or use non-dominant hand like PP said. Or each basket he gets is worth 5 points and yours are worth one point, whatever makes each of you win half the time. Define the game differently but actually complete at the redefined game.

Well for example my toddler wants to start the race with me. I just feel horrible though because I can walk faster than our fastest run, and it’s pretty easy for me to accidentally pass her up unless I kept reminding myself to deliberately go much slower. I have tried to start farther away but she wants us to start off together.

[Anonymous]

it depends on age and ability.

of course you let your toddler "win" but also, at that age, we also played to enjoy ourselves, not to "win". So the challenge would be how many passes we can do together without dropping the ball, and so on. With toddler, change the objective of the game.

Racing a toddler? of course you let them win. Most of the times.

it changes as they grow and their abilities improve, so you start winning "more" often. At some point, sometimes, they could even let you win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it depends on age and ability.

of course you let your toddler "win" but also, at that age, we also played to enjoy ourselves, not to "win". So the challenge would be how many passes we can do together without dropping the ball, and so on. With toddler, change the objective of the game.

Racing a toddler? of course you let them win. Most of the times.

it changes as they grow and their abilities improve, so you start winning "more" often. At some point, sometimes, they could even let you win.

It’s a little difficult though racing because like I said I can walk faster than my toddlers fastest run., And this is even with me slowing down my normal pace quite a bit. So how do I go about racing her when there isn’t really a moment where she would be ahead unless I just didn’t move. She wants me to start the race right next to her also

[Anonymous]

Until kids are about six or seven, they think that their parents are more or less magic and incredibly powerful. There is no part of your toddler that thinks she can beat you at anything if you are trying your best. It’s like you racing God.

You let her win because that’s the game.

[Anonymous]

Oooo I do a mix!

So first of all - I'm WAY less likely to let my oldest win. The reality of the situation is the oldest beats the youngest at almost everything (games, races, etc) just due to having a two year head start. So he loses to me. The youngest I let beat me at stuff a lot.

Then - it depends. Some games just aren't fun if you're dramatically worse, some aren't. So like "Spot It" - where you have to look for matching pairs? If one person is grabbing every single pair that is not fun at all. So when we started, I would find the matching pair, then count to five in my head before I grabbed it. That way, I was only winning like two-thirds of the pairs - fun for everyone. And as he got better, I dropped my number of seconds. Now I play for real, and we're pretty evenly matched (I'm not actually very good at that game!)

When we play Jenga, on the other hand, I play to win. That's a game that's fun whether you win or lose.

We haven't run into this sort of situation yet (kids are still pretty young) but I remember when my uncle used to play ping pong with my nephew he won every single time. And I was like "dude!" and he said - "One day he'll beat me, years from now, legitimately, and it'll be one of the best days of his life." And guess what? Took four years, but that's exactly what happened. So look out for moments like that, too.

[Anonymous]

How competitive is your family? In my family, we would play with modified rules for younger kids, but, usually adult would still beat them. Losing gracefully and being a good sport is an important lesson to learn.

Once kids hit late middle school, they could legitimately beat us in most games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it depends on age and ability.

of course you let your toddler "win" but also, at that age, we also played to enjoy ourselves, not to "win". So the challenge would be how many passes we can do together without dropping the ball, and so on. With toddler, change the objective of the game.

Racing a toddler? of course you let them win. Most of the times.

it changes as they grow and their abilities improve, so you start winning "more" often. At some point, sometimes, they could even let you win.

It’s a little difficult though racing because like I said I can walk faster than my toddlers fastest run., And this is even with me slowing down my normal pace quite a bit. So how do I go about racing her when there isn’t really a moment where she would be ahead unless I just didn’t move. She wants me to start the race right next to her also

Your child that just started walking just wants to be able to walk like you do and wants you to think it’s fun. They aren’t literally trying to race you.

[Anonymous]

I let toddlers and twos win. I also let 3s win when it's racing. 3s to 5s should be playing more cooperative games vs 'winning' games. But, yes, if we are playing 'Go Fish" I can win easily - I am older, have a better memory, blah blah. So I handicap myself - I 'don't remember' that someone else had a 5 so I ask about 4s.... BUT I also do remembner sometimes. I don't think it's ok for 5s and 6s to ALWAYS win - they MUST learn to lose, too, and lose well (not be mean, throw things, call people names, etc). I also think that HOW we win is important. WE shouldn't gloat, do the happy dance, whatever when we win. "Good game! I won that one, let's play again!'

Now, I ALSO think it's my job to help elementary school kids (K through 5th-ish) to get better at a game. So I will stop and coach them "by doing that, you are setting me up to jump you (in checkers). Or, did you want to split your moves between two (in Sorry) and so forth. Look, if you split, you would land on me and send me back to home - you really DO want to do that. And so forth. I might still win but I coach all through the game.

Now, once they are in middle school they can beat me at many games so I play all out - and they still beat me at Checkers! But they don't gloat, etc when they do win.

It's a mix.

[Anonymous]

I let them win 50/50 when they were little, like 3 or 4. But I'm a firm believer that kids should learn how to lose and they need to lose early and often. ha. But really- kids these days get participation trophies for everything and many are very sore losers. My kids often win at games and we all shake hands afterwards and say "good game." My youngest is 4 (my two older are late elementary and middle school) and she often surprises us and wins. We played Yahtzee over the weekend and she kept rolling Yahtzees!

My one son is a perfectionist and the more we played games, the better he got at losing. He knew he didn't have to be perfect or to win, and he could still enjoy playing with us all.

[Anonymous]

I praise my DD4 profusely when she wants to me show me a new/improved skill, but I do not let her win when she wants to compete against me. I will, however, give her opportunities to win.

[Anonymous]

I let my kid win initially but after 5 I started winning everything until they could really beat me. Now I struggle to win.

[Anonymous]

What an odd way to frame normal games with your kids...

You just play. You don't need to keep score. My goodness.