New child in DD’s class demanding candy, DD extremely distressed

[Anonymous]

There is a new girl in DD 7’s class. The girl is well-behaved around the teachers, but according to my daughter on the playground it’s a very different story. She explained that this girl walked up to her on the first day and said that if she didn’t give her candy, she would tell the teacher that my daughter wasn’t being nice to the new kid. DD guessed she was joking, but she’s kept it up every day since, apparently asking her every day at recess where her candy is. DD is a rule follower to a fault and is absolutely petrified at the thought of being in trouble. I would alert the teacher of this but I don’t want to sound like a crazy, Karen, momzilla type of parent, because the teacher may take this out on my child. To be honest, the new girl’s actions don’t sound developmentally normal to me. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Tell your daughter to give the girl candy 🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Tell the teacher. At best, the new girl is stressed trying to fit into her new school, and has decided that intimidation and threats are the way to go. Or, at worst, the new girl has some psychological problems. Either way, this is an important fact the teacher needs to know, so she can address them with the student.

I don't know why you think you'd come off as a problem parent, OP. In elementary, the teacher is everything to everyone, and they do address social issues. At the secondary level, the bar gets higher to involve school staff, but parents or students are till encouraged to involve the counselor if there are bullying or other problems. Social issues impact learning, so all schools will tell you that they care about resolving them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a new girl in DD 7’s class. The girl is well-behaved around the teachers, but according to my daughter on the playground it’s a very different story. She explained that this girl walked up to her on the first day and said that if she didn’t give her candy, she would tell the teacher that my daughter wasn’t being nice to the new kid. DD guessed she was joking, but she’s kept it up every day since, apparently asking her every day at recess where her candy is. DD is a rule follower to a fault and is absolutely petrified at the thought of being in trouble. I would alert the teacher of this but I don’t want to sound like a crazy, Karen, momzilla type of parent, because the teacher may take this out on my child. To be honest, the new girl’s actions don’t sound developmentally normal to me. What would you do?

You're going to have to unlearn some pretty crazy beliefs, OP, to be a good parent to your child. No wonder your child is a hyper-anxious rule-follower - you seem hyper-anxious yourself and very afraid of being judged. Please realize this and try to address your anxiety and your child's. Learn to speak up and advocate for yourself and model this for your child. Good Lord. Of course you alert the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a new girl in DD 7’s class. The girl is well-behaved around the teachers, but according to my daughter on the playground it’s a very different story. She explained that this girl walked up to her on the first day and said that if she didn’t give her candy, she would tell the teacher that my daughter wasn’t being nice to the new kid. DD guessed she was joking, but she’s kept it up every day since, apparently asking her every day at recess where her candy is. DD is a rule follower to a fault and is absolutely petrified at the thought of being in trouble. I would alert the teacher of this but I don’t want to sound like a crazy, Karen, momzilla type of parent, because the teacher may take this out on my child. To be honest, the new girl’s actions don’t sound developmentally normal to me. What would you do?

No, don’t tell the teacher. Remind your daughter that nothing in the rules requires one child to give another candy. The new kid is the one who isn’t being nice. The next time the new kid threatens your daughter with telling the teacher, your daughter should call her bluff. If the new kid is stupid enough to tell the teacher that your daughter isn’t being nice because she isn’t accommodating this playground bully’s extortion attempts, she deserves the consequences she gets. More likely, she knows these are empty threats and will move on, once she realizes she’s lost power over your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a new girl in DD 7’s class. The girl is well-behaved around the teachers, but according to my daughter on the playground it’s a very different story. She explained that this girl walked up to her on the first day and said that if she didn’t give her candy, she would tell the teacher that my daughter wasn’t being nice to the new kid. DD guessed she was joking, but she’s kept it up every day since, apparently asking her every day at recess where her candy is. DD is a rule follower to a fault and is absolutely petrified at the thought of being in trouble. I would alert the teacher of this but I don’t want to sound like a crazy, Karen, momzilla type of parent, because the teacher may take this out on my child. To be honest, the new girl’s actions don’t sound developmentally normal to me. What would you do?

No, don’t tell the teacher. Remind your daughter that nothing in the rules requires one child to give another candy. The new kid is the one who isn’t being nice. The next time the new kid threatens your daughter with telling the teacher, your daughter should call her bluff. If the new kid is stupid enough to tell the teacher that your daughter isn’t being nice because she isn’t accommodating this playground bully’s extortion attempts, she deserves the consequences she gets. More likely, she knows these are empty threats and will move on, once she realizes she’s lost power over your daughter.

I think the teacher should be told, because it solves everything. One, OP's kid won't be worried anymore that she'll get in trouble. Two, the other kid will be supervised and talked to - which is important, because clearly she's not doing well. She's stressed too. It's beneficial to both children that the teacher intervenes in this situation. That's what the teacher is there for. The primary years in school are just as much, if not more, about socialization and navigating conflict, than they are about actual academics (you could teach reading and arithmetic at home way more efficiently).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughter to give the girl candy 🤷‍♀️

Are you joking right now?? All of the world’s problems. All of them. Do you think they’d happen if the kids just didn’t give away the candy? Jesus. This is serious Jesus Christ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughter to give the girl candy 🤷‍♀️

Are you joking right now?? All of the world’s problems. All of them. Do you think they’d happen if the kids just didn’t give away the candy? Jesus. This is serious Jesus Christ.

Relax!!!!

(and I am not the pp)

[Anonymous]

Does your DD actually have any candy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your DD actually have any candy?

I wondered that too.. Sorry New Girl, my mom does not buy candy. Bye!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your DD actually have any candy?

OP here. NO she does not.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter’s reaction is excessive.

But you are the adult and need to clue the teacher in.

“Dear Ms. Larla, Larlette has come home recently telling us that a new student in the class is asking her for candy and threatening to tell you that Larlette has been “mean to her” unless candy is provided. We will be working with Larlette on feeling more comfortable advocating for herself and also wanted to make sure you are aware of this. Thanks, Larleen.”

Then work with your child on advocating for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughter to give the girl candy 🤷‍♀️

🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a new girl in DD 7’s class. The girl is well-behaved around the teachers, but according to my daughter on the playground it’s a very different story. She explained that this girl walked up to her on the first day and said that if she didn’t give her candy, she would tell the teacher that my daughter wasn’t being nice to the new kid. DD guessed she was joking, but she’s kept it up every day since, apparently asking her every day at recess where her candy is. DD is a rule follower to a fault and is absolutely petrified at the thought of being in trouble. I would alert the teacher of this but I don’t want to sound like a crazy, Karen, momzilla type of parent, because the teacher may take this out on my child. To be honest, the new girl’s actions don’t sound developmentally normal to me. What would you do?

It sounds like both you and your daughter have anxiety that is distorting your fears, because neither of you is worrying about something rational.

Asking a 7 year old to overcome their fear, when you won't, would be hypocritical. So, I vote that you tell the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Tell the teacher and read chid The Berenstein Bears books with Queenie, the new girl