DD 8 really just says whatever she wants
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Anonymous
| How to teach DD 8 about the social graces? She is really uninhibited. To give an example she’s made remarks about how “funky” Grandma’s perfume smells (to me in the car, not to grandma) and said that a girl in her class had “crazy hair” (that was to the girl’s face!). I’ve taught her about empathy, coaxed punished etc. Why isn’t anything working? Too much screentime (for context we don’t let her have devices)? Possible ADHD? Just a really open-minded kiddo? What to do? |
Anonymous
| Does she read or watch anything with sassy language 94 behavior? So much kid content has eye rolling, rudeness like saying “Whatever!,” etc. she could be copying what she reads and hears. |
Anonymous
| PUNISH her. Jeez millennial mommies are so helpless. |
Anonymous
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If it was just you and her in the car, I wouldn’t necessarily consider that a “social” situation requiring “graces”. I’d let her speak honestly, even if it is blunt (as long as she’s not being deliberately mean), but remind her not to tell Grandma because that might hurt her feelings. I think the importance of open and honest communication with parents outweighs etiquette, as long as it’s done privately. While not relevant to Grandma’s perfume, if someone was ever making her uncomfortable, that might be necessary for you to know.
As for talking in social situations about other people and certainly when talking to them directly, I think the age-old wisdom still applies: “If you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all.” and of course “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Again, any time she is being deliberately cruel, she should be punished. But even if she wasn’t trying to hurt someone’s feelings, she needs to apologize whenever she does. |
Anonymous
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You want to talk with her, explain niceties, enforce them?
Or just decide she has autism? |
Anonymous
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You need to specifically teach her to consider how her comments make others feel. She’s not mature enough to understand that yet, it would seem. Kids develop at different rates. I’d use examples from TV or books to talk through things like that with her. You can make up examples from your own childhood or just make them up and have her imagine each person’s point of view.
If you think she completely understands and doesn’t care, then you make her apologize and have a consequence. The consequence can be that she needs to go bed earlier because she’s clearly too tired to be polite. Emphasize that older kids know how to be kind. Consider ADHD if she constantly blurts things out and has other symptoms. |
Anonymous
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Don’t automatically look for a reason other than you need to work on her not to insult people, not to hurt people, etc. Plenty of kids watch kid videos and they wouldn’t think of going up to someone and say you have crazy hair. And ADHD has nothing to do with rudeness.
You’ll have to work at it with her. It won’t be easy but it’s on you to help her not be so mean. Don’t try and blame some outside source, it won’t help. |
Anonymous
| Punish your child before someone else does. |
Anonymous
Ugh. I think we need to punish you. |
Anonymous
My two children with autism have very good manners, thank you very much. That's not the area where they have issues. |
Anonymous
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Teach her to THINK before she speaks with this acrostic :
Is it True? Is it Helpful? Is it Important? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind? It has to be ALL these things before she says it (ie not just true, but also kind and necessary to say) |
Anonymous
| Sounds like a completely normal 8 year old |
Anonymous
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My kid at that age grasped the rule that a statement has to be two of three:
(1) True (2) Necessary (3) Kind And asking kids to think about how they would feel if someone said X to them is important. It's how they develop empathy and social graces. |
Anonymous
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OP figure out something or this will be your kid booty shaking and all
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1312520.page |
Anonymous
Yes, teach her this. But she was being truthful about what she observed. She needs to learn not to say everything that pops in her head. |