Struggling to make friends
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Anonymous
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DC had always had a good time making friends. HS this year, no MS friends went there, and they’ve not been able to really connect with any kids or develop any friendships. I noticed but didn’t say anything, however, I’d suggest they work with their assignments partners after school on their assignments and furnish extra money so they pay to go to a cafe or something. They did that a couple of times but still didn’t even exchange numbers.
Yesterday it all came out and they mentioned how they’re really struggling as an extrovert because everyone seems to have established friend groups and no one wants to be friends with them. This gutted me. I don’t know how to support. I know making friends is hard. I know that this might be a battle they have to fight alone to find the right friend group, but how do I support? Situation isn’t helped by kid is in a shared custody situation so schedules sometimes make connection more difficult |
Anonymous
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My kids were in the exact same situation and it’s so hard. I kept telling them to join something, anything. It’s hard because one of mine is also an extrovert and talked to kids at school but it didn’t translate to anything outside of school. He’s a 9th grader in your same situation, a hs with no middle school friends.
My latest idea, which is he going to do, is manage a spring sports team. He’s athletic but not enough to make the team he wants in HS at his school. He just wants to meet people. So he picked a different sport he knows a friend on at school and they said it was a nice group of kids and emailed the coach and asked if they needed a manager. |
Anonymous
| Tech theater - the spring musicals are getting ready to start up rehearsals soon. He can help build sets. Theater kids tend to be very accepting and outgoing. If he’s feeling really brave, try out, boys are always needed for the shows! |
Anonymous
| Does he do any extra curricular activities currently? |
Anonymous
Thanks, leaning towards that too. |
Anonymous
That’s a good idea, I hadn’t considered it |
Anonymous
Not with the school, he was doing a sport with a neighborhood league but hoping to join a club and a sport this semester. |
Anonymous
| What clubs are they in? Many high schools have a bunch of clubs to choose from every day of the week. If there's not already a community service oriented club, they could start one. Especially useful if it's a school where service hours are required for graduation. |
Anonymous
I’m not sure why, but club and rec sports often don’t result in outside of game/practice friendships. My super sporty, outgoing kid has never made a lasting friendship that way, even when he really likes the guys. On the other hand, his school teammates always become real friends. Each year as new kids come onto the team he makes new friends. The team hasn’t mattered - baseball, basketball, cross country, varsity, JV, intramural. |
Anonymous
| Join track, cross country, robotics, band or drama. All of these groups tend to be welcoming to all and become very tight. |
Anonymous
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Is he military connected?
If so, check if his school has a Military Ambassadors club. The host monthly social activities and are full of kids who are used to being the new kid trying to find friends. |
Anonymous
| Commiserating that we are in the same boat and it's heartbreaking. We keep telling him that he is going to have to put himself out there a little more. The fear of rejection is holding him back. |
Anonymous
| Cross country in the fall. |
Anonymous
| Robotics or Esports. |
Anonymous
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Sorry he is going through this, but I will echo everyone else- ECs. If he doesn't have many established interests, theatre crew.
Right there, he'll be put in a group chat, and that will help. |