Adult children does not want to work.

[Anonymous]

My 22-year-old son graduated from college in March 2025 and landed a very high-paying job—$170K plus stock options—with an AI startup. He left the job after only three months because, according to him, it was impacting his mental health. He has not worked for the past six months. Currently, he is living at home and spends most of his time at the gym, learning Spanish, and playing golf, guitar, and piano.

My husband wants him to get a job and move out of the house, but my son says he wants to spend another year 'finding' himself. My husband and son argue all the time over this; on Monday, it got so heated that my husband told him to leave. My son left and moved in with my estranged father, whom I have not spoken to in twenty years (I am his only child). My husband has asked me to talk to my father and ask him to kick my son out so that he is forced to find a job and live independently.

What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I think you shot too high with the 170k income in your story

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 22-year-old son graduated from college in March 2025 and landed a very high-paying job—$170K plus stock options—with an AI startup. He left the job after only three months because, according to him, it was impacting his mental health. He has not worked for the past six months. Currently, he is living at home and spends most of his time at the gym, learning Spanish, and playing golf, guitar, and piano.

My husband wants him to get a job and move out of the house, but my son says he wants to spend another year 'finding' himself. My husband and son argue all the time over this; on Monday, it got so heated that my husband told him to leave. My son left and moved in with my estranged father, whom I have not spoken to in twenty years (I am his only child). My husband has asked me to talk to my father and ask him to kick my son out so that he is forced to find a job and live independently.

What would you do?

You can't tell your dad to kick your son out first of all.

Second, it is not too much to ask to expect your ds to have a job if he is going to live with you guys, even if it is just a minimum-wage type thing. I certainly would not kick him out of the house though.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sucks. He's only 22, pretty much still a kid, and It sounds like he's doing productive things, and isn't sitting around playing video games. I'd let him have a year off break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sucks. He's only 22, pretty much still a kid, and It sounds like he's doing productive things, and isn't sitting around playing video games. I'd let him have a year off break.

No, being a man of leisure is not productive. If he wants a year off, he should figure out a way to pay for it. Dad is entirely within his rights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you shot too high with the 170k income in your story

Right? 😅

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sucks. He's only 22, pretty much still a kid, and It sounds like he's doing productive things, and isn't sitting around playing video games. I'd let him have a year off break.

No, being a man of leisure is not productive. If he wants a year off, he should figure out a way to pay for it. Dad is entirely within his rights.

+1

Parents are enabling their children to be entitled, unproductive adults, in the same what a co-dependent person enables another to be an alcoholic or drug addict.

I blame the parents in many of these cases.

[Anonymous]

Troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you shot too high with the 170k income in your story

Right? 😅

I work for AWS, and most of recent CS grads make around 200K per year. One 23-year-old guy makes 300K per year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll

People seem to be falling for it though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll

People seem to be falling for it though.

170k with a startup is not that much.

OP you said your son referenced mental health but didn’t really give details. Did you help him pursue therapy? It’s obviously fine to have boundaries and clear expectations when an adult child moves home, but instead your husband just had heated arguments all the time. You and your husband are no longer supporting your son. You pushed him out and only time will tell whether that was the best choice. You should have had clear communication and expectations before you agreed to have him move home.

You don’t have any right to tell your estranged father what to do and now you’ve probably lost all influence with your son. You may be about to find out what it feels like to be the estranged parent. At this point all you can do is reach out to your son and listen if he’s willing to talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sucks. He's only 22, pretty much still a kid, and It sounds like he's doing productive things, and isn't sitting around playing video games. I'd let him have a year off break.

No, being a man of leisure is not productive. If he wants a year off, he should figure out a way to pay for it. Dad is entirely within his rights.

+1

Parents are enabling their children to be entitled, unproductive adults, in the same what a co-dependent person enables another to be an alcoholic or drug addict.

I blame the parents in many of these cases.

I agree. Then they turn into entitled husbands someday. My sister has 3 kids, and her husband wants to quit his job and take a year off to find himself, while she works to support the entire family and serves as the default parent, as most moms do. You can't raise your son to think this behavior is okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll

People seem to be falling for it though.

170k with a startup is not that much.

OP you said your son referenced mental health but didn’t really give details. Did you help him pursue therapy? It’s obviously fine to have boundaries and clear expectations when an adult child moves home, but instead your husband just had heated arguments all the time. You and your husband are no longer supporting your son. You pushed him out and only time will tell whether that was the best choice. You should have had clear communication and expectations before you agreed to have him move home.

You don’t have any right to tell your estranged father what to do and now you’ve probably lost all influence with your son. You may be about to find out what it feels like to be the estranged parent. At this point all you can do is reach out to your son and listen if he’s willing to talk.

You can work and go to therapy at the same time. It doesn't have to be an intense startup, but he needs a job and to support himself.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your son is doing pretty well at sponging so let him see that through. Maybe he can do it forever! Maybe not! Maybe he’ll meet a rich partner and he can sponge off them happily forever. He’s an adult, let him do his thing. You don’t have to pay for anything you don’t want to.

[Anonymous]

Ask him to explore himself you as long as he wants but at his own expense because he is ruining his and his father's mental health and by association yours as well.