Choosing public to build our local community

[Anonymous]

We’re a family that can afford private, but my head and heart are in different places.

My heart says that it wants to try public for K through 5 to build community with our neighbors. Our local DCPS school is rated at 7 out of 10 on a public rating site, and our neighbors who sent their kids there are almost all happy with it (and most go onto public MS).

My head says that our kids will get a better education, be less stressed and more nurtured emotionally, exposed to more and varied core subjects (including foreign language and science in the core curriculum) from K—> on, and be safer (guns, behavioral issues) in private.

Personally, I fear the repercussions of starting my kid off with a silver spoon - and the reality that kids would be located all over DC, MoCo, and NoVa - will hurt our chances of building strong enduring family friendships.

We’re not religious, so we don’t belong to a church or synagogue and don’t have a channel to make friends over time that way.

How would you advise us to decide b/w public and private? We’ve tossed in applications to top privates JIC.

[Anonymous]

Not sure why you think your kids would be less stressed and happier at a private. But anyway just send your kid private now to spare everyone your handwringing when you inevitably decide that Larlo needs more “differentiation” and you pull him from DCPS.

[Anonymous]

Altruism is always the wrong way to look at your child's education. Being friends with the neighbor kids who go to the local school is a good reason. Having a short walk to the school is a good reason. Saving money for extra-curriculars, enrichment, and private/college down the road is THE most important reason to start with a public school.

Just don't kid yourself that you're doing it for other reasons except your own family's interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Altruism is always the wrong way to look at your child's education. Being friends with the neighbor kids who go to the local school is a good reason. Having a short walk to the school is a good reason. Saving money for extra-curriculars, enrichment, and private/college down the road is THE most important reason to start with a public school.

Just don't kid yourself that you're doing it for other reasons except your own family's interests.

OP says they're thinking about it so they can have a way to have a community of local friends.

[Anonymous]

OP is there any opportunity cost to tuition? Does it mean less retirement savings, less for high school and college tuitions? Fewer vacations? Or are you just very high HHI?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Altruism is always the wrong way to look at your child's education. Being friends with the neighbor kids who go to the local school is a good reason. Having a short walk to the school is a good reason. Saving money for extra-curriculars, enrichment, and private/college down the road is THE most important reason to start with a public school.

Just don't kid yourself that you're doing it for other reasons except your own family's interests.

OP says they're thinking about it so they can have a way to have a community of local friends.

She does. But there's a whole lot of virtue-signaling hand-wringing going on as well.

I live in Bethesda, where half the families go to privates and half go to publics. There are many of us who can technically afford privates... but the publics are good and that allows us to invest the money we'd have spent on privates to grow our wealth for other things down the road. For example: my oldest son's 90K/yr university. Or downpayments for their future homes. Or more travel.

Even for people who can afford private K-12, private K-12 is often not the best choice.

[Anonymous]

OP this is a no brainer. I’m in DC. Definately private over DCPS. DCPS is a mess and teaches to the lowest common denominator.

Now if you were in a much, much better school district then the decision might be a little harder.

Lastly, no way would I prioritize being friends with neighbors or whatever over my kids education.

BTW OP, even if you decide to go DCPS, you will see lots of kids leave DCPS in upper elementary or by middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP this is a no brainer. I’m in DC. Definately private over DCPS. DCPS is a mess and teaches to the lowest common denominator.

Now if you were in a much, much better school district then the decision might be a little harder.

Lastly, no way would I prioritize being friends with neighbors or whatever over my kids education.

BTW OP, even if you decide to go DCPS, you will see lots of kids leave DCPS in upper elementary or by middle school.

Don’t take advice about education from an adult who can’t spell “definitely.” Especially when we have spell check option these days.

[Anonymous]

OP here: Did not mean to virtue signal at all.

Genuinely looking for insight from those with children a bit older than mine on whether the combination of these values is a wise reason to choose public vs private:

1. To build a strong local community for our family (Have you parents, and your kids, stayed friends with others you met in ES a decade later… or am I being naive?)

2. To build empathy in my kids by being around more diversity in their classmates - and to not expect a coddled learning environment as the “base case” from the get-go

To the PP’s question, we are extremely fortunate in that paying for private from K —> on will not impact our ability to pay for college.

[Anonymous]

There's no guarantee that public school will help your family establish neighborhood friendships. People move A LOT and even neighbors who stick around might send their kids to private school or homeschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no guarantee that public school will help your family establish neighborhood friendships. People move A LOT and even neighbors who stick around might send their kids to private school or homeschool.

OP here, fair point

[Anonymous]

Try public K. If you can stomach it after a year, try 1st grade. If your child isn’t reading well by then, move to a quality private ASAP.

[Anonymous]

2. To build empathy in my kids by being around more diversity in their classmates - and to not expect a coddled learning environment as the “base case” from the get-go


I put my DS in a diverse and crunchy cheap neighborhood Montessori preschool to achieve this. One kid had a talk box bc of a speech impediment and other kids were poor, and plenty of racial diversity. He did learn kindness and how to talk to and be around lots of different kinds of kids.

We ended up moving to a wealthier area for kindergarten and the public school is full of kids who are coddled and lacking empathy. We ended up switching to a religious private later in elementary. This is not a public vs private issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try public K. If you can stomach it after a year, try 1st grade. If your child isn’t reading well by then, move to a quality private ASAP.

I agree about trying public for as long as it works, then switching when it doesn't any longer. But the best readers are taught at home. Their parents don't gamble by relying on the school. Even private schools can have really bad teachers in the early grades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Altruism is always the wrong way to look at your child's education. Being friends with the neighbor kids who go to the local school is a good reason. Having a short walk to the school is a good reason. Saving money for extra-curriculars, enrichment, and private/college down the road is THE most important reason to start with a public school.

Just don't kid yourself that you're doing it for other reasons except your own family's interests.

OP says they're thinking about it so they can have a way to have a community of local friends.

She does. But there's a whole lot of virtue-signaling hand-wringing going on as well.

I live in Bethesda, where half the families go to privates and half go to publics. There are many of us who can technically afford privates... but the publics are good and that allows us to invest the money we'd have spent on privates to grow our wealth for other things down the road. For example: my oldest son's 90K/yr university. Or downpayments for their future homes. Or more travel.

Even for people who can afford private K-12, private K-12 is often not the best choice.

But that’s Bethesda, not DC. I’ve lived in both. Parents leave DC and move (usually now to VA for FCPS and the VA public college options) when the kids get of school age precisely to
get away for DC publics and towards better private options.