Bullying investigation complicated

[Anonymous]

My 14 yo AuDHD son has a bullying investigation at his school where he is being investigated as both a victim and an aggressor. He told another friend about this and she started texting the other kid involved. The friend was saying “You think you’re tough” “what are you saying about my friend, little boy”

My ds is really upset that his friend said this. He’s going into school tomorrow afraid that the admin is going to try to pin this on him. I told him that he can’t be responsible for what the friend said. He didn’t put him up to this. He just has to tell admin that his friend did this on their own and he doesn’t think it’s right, if it comes up. I don’t think the friend’s text is a big deal. Am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the context. I don't think anyone here can tell you.

[Anonymous]

The context is that another kid took it upon himself to bother the other kid in the bullying case. My ds didn’t ask him to do it or put him up to it

[Anonymous]

Eh, the text could definitely be seen as a big deal. Your son needs to get in front of this before it comes across that he and his friend are ganging up on this other kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The context is that another kid took it upon himself to bother the other kid in the bullying case. My ds didn’t ask him to do it or put him up to it

Sure. BUT if the other kid reports this first, it's really not going to look great for your son. Yes, he didn't put him up to it but it will still come across as 2 v 1 and further the thought that your son is the aggressor. He needs to go in tomorrow and bring this up with the counselor. If he's the one who says "hey. So I was venting to my friend and he decided to take Matt X and Y. "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, the text could definitely be seen as a big deal. Your son needs to get in front of this before it comes across that he and his friend are ganging up on this other kid.

But my son wasn’t on the text. He didn’t follow up with a text or any context on his own. And, my son’s friend doesn’t even go to the same school as these kids. He lives in town but goes to a different school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, the text could definitely be seen as a big deal. Your son needs to get in front of this before it comes across that he and his friend are ganging up on this other kid.

But my son wasn’t on the text. He didn’t follow up with a text or any context on his own. And, my son’s friend doesn’t even go to the same school as these kids. He lives in town but goes to a different school

Your son was not on the text why is this his problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The context is that another kid took it upon himself to bother the other kid in the bullying case. My ds didn’t ask him to do it or put him up to it

Okay. But there could be more context that you don't know. Such as the history between these two other kids. There could be more texts your kid doesn't even know about, that aren't about your kid. Who knows. It depends how credible the kid's attempt at intimidation actually was. It depends on whether this is the only friend of your son to get involved, or are there others. All kinds of factors.

I don't know why your son's friend would have the kid's phone number or bother to get involved if he doesn't even go to their school. There must be a reason or a connection there, but what is it? Did your son give his friend the number, or do the two kids know each other somehow? That's likely important to understand the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Your son was not on the text why is this his problem?

Op: that’s my point. My ds is really upset about this but he can’t control other people

[Anonymous]

This is hard to understand. Trying to help but I don’t understand your original scenario. Please re-explain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't know why your son's friend would have the kid's phone number or bother to get involved if he doesn't even go to their school. There must be a reason or a connection there, but what is it? Did your son give his friend the number, or do the two kids know each other somehow? That's likely important to understand the situation.

Op: I’m an old person and I’m using the word text with snap interchangeably. The friend found the kid by name on snap chat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, the text could definitely be seen as a big deal. Your son needs to get in front of this before it comes across that he and his friend are ganging up on this other kid.

But my son wasn’t on the text. He didn’t follow up with a text or any context on his own. And, my son’s friend doesn’t even go to the same school as these kids. He lives in town but goes to a different school

So then how does he have the number of the kid your son is being accused of bullying? Look OP, I get where you're coming from and I pretty much agree with you. But if you break it down from a 3rd party perspective it looks like think

Boy A and Boy B are accused of bullying each other. Suddenly Boy B is getting texts from Girl C, who is only friends with Boy A. Boy B now feels more bullied. Your son wasn't directly involved, but you can see how this would reflect poorly on him and the overall situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is hard to understand. Trying to help but I don’t understand your original scenario. Please re-explain.

There is a bullying case open at my child’s school where he is both victim and aggressor. He told a friend about it and the friend took it upon himself to send messages to the other kid involved. My friend is upset and afraid to go to school because he thinks he may be in trouble. I keep telling him that he can’t control other people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don't know why your son's friend would have the kid's phone number or bother to get involved if he doesn't even go to their school. There must be a reason or a connection there, but what is it? Did your son give his friend the number, or do the two kids know each other somehow? That's likely important to understand the situation.

Op: I’m an old person and I’m using the word text with snap interchangeably. The friend found the kid by name on snap chat

Okay, but why would this child care enough to do that? And is there any history between these kids or is this the first? Your son told his friend the kid's full name?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is hard to understand. Trying to help but I don’t understand your original scenario. Please re-explain.

There is a bullying case open at my child’s school where he is both victim and aggressor. He told a friend about it and the friend took it upon himself to send messages to the other kid involved. My friend is upset and afraid to go to school because he thinks he may be in trouble. I keep telling him that he can’t control other people

Well, he's already in trouble so I don't see why this would make much of a difference...