My friend is dying what to write

[Anonymous]

I’ve posted a couple times before but my friend is now in his last couple weeks. His wife has asked for supportive comments in case he wakes up.

We have worked together for years - lots of happy hours and work trips but didn’t really socialize outside of that. I didn’t meet his current wife until he got sick and he only met mine at firm events.

Weirdly, a week before he found out about the cancer we had dinner together and joked about how we were each other’s longest continuous relationship.

Anyway what do I write. I mean other people are going to see this. A joke? Get well soon? I don’t know.

[Anonymous]

See you on the other side

[Anonymous]

If he's not awake, the reality is you're writing this for his wife and not for him. So understanding that's your audience I'd give her something positive about him. So while it's addressed to him I'd focus on telling a positive or funny story about him to give his wife a good memory of him.

I don't know about "Get Well Soon". I struggled with this when my own family member was terminally ill and wasn't going to get better so I stuck with a "thinking of you" message instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he's not awake, the reality is you're writing this for his wife and not for him. So understanding that's your audience I'd give her something positive about him. So while it's addressed to him I'd focus on telling a positive or funny story about him to give his wife a good memory of him.

I don't know about "Get Well Soon". I struggled with this when my own family member was terminally ill and wasn't going to get better so I stuck with a "thinking of you" message instead.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow
as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.
Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere
like a shadow or a friend.
—Naomi Shihab Nye

[Anonymous]

Friend, this is so gd unfair and it really f’ing sucks. Whatever happens next, know that you have touched my life and I will forever remember you. Peace to you and [wife], brother.

[Anonymous]

Share a funny, but appropriate, story. Don't write about you being each other's longest relationship. It's a weird thing for the widow to read after. The reality is, these letters are for the spouse. Give her some happy memories or stories of her spouse.

[Anonymous]

Share a story where this person’s good character shines through. If possible, make it funny, but showing this person’s goodness is more important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:See you on the other side

This. I assume you are a guy? One of the most heartbreaking moments of my life was watching my dad and his longtime friend say goodbye to each other. They knew my dad would die first, but his friend had parkinson's and wasn't too far behind. It was kind of like nice knowing you, thank you for being there, and see you on the other side. If you are going to write a letter, then maybe just write about your memories with him and say that you had fun and enjoyed his company. I wrote my dad a very long letter basically thinking of my best memories of him. After he died, my mom gave it back to me and told me that he had her read it to him over and over when he was dying and couldn't do anything.

Ok now I'm bawling and he's been gone 11 years. Just be true OP. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Tell him how much you’ve enjoyed his friendship. Something about him you admire. Something important he contributed to your life. And a wicked tale that will
Make everyone laugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him how much you’ve enjoyed his friendship. Something about him you admire. Something important he contributed to your life. And a wicked tale that will
Make everyone laugh.

This is all great. And that you love him.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand - write where? Is he well enough to read a card?

[Anonymous]

Write some anecdotes of your time with him. That will help the family remember their loved one in a broader context.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:See you on the other side

This. I assume you are a guy? One of the most heartbreaking moments of my life was watching my dad and his longtime friend say goodbye to each other. They knew my dad would die first, but his friend had parkinson's and wasn't too far behind. It was kind of like nice knowing you, thank you for being there, and see you on the other side. If you are going to write a letter, then maybe just write about your memories with him and say that you had fun and enjoyed his company. I wrote my dad a very long letter basically thinking of my best memories of him. After he died, my mom gave it back to me and told me that he had her read it to him over and over when he was dying and couldn't do anything.

Ok now I'm bawling and he's been gone 11 years. Just be true OP. I'm sorry.

i am bawling too. you are an amazing child. bless you.

[Anonymous]

A little different, but maybe still helpful, years ago I wrote a letter to a coworker’s wife, after his untimely death. I wrote how he had shared on several occasions how proud he was of her (and included a specific example) and of their daughters (and again shared a couple of specifics.

I wrote about how coworkers greatly enjoyed working with him, and respected him.

Once you get started, I’m sure it’ll come to you. Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him how much you’ve enjoyed his friendship. Something about him you admire. Something important he contributed to your life. And a wicked tale that will
Make everyone laugh.

This is good.