Do you let your kids physically fight?
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Anonymous
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I have 2 boys (8 & 11) that get along for the most part but they like to have "Agni Kai" battles (something they picked up from the TV show Avatar). They have rules (no hitting in the face, no biting etc) but invariably it escalates and one of them ends up mad saying the other one was unfair or whatever.
No one has gotten seriously hurt. But I am also sort of sick of these "battles" ending poorly. Would you let your kids do this? FWIW they are evenly matched so it's not like the younger one is getting beat up on. |
Anonymous
| Absolutely not. |
Anonymous
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That sounds completely normal. I did that kind of thing as a kid. We have an only child daughter who isn't like that, so it hasn't been an issue for us, but she does like to wrestle with me sometimes.
I think you do more harm stopping that than letting it happen. Just make sure they keep it somewhere they're not going to break a lamp or something. (I broke a lamp fighting with a friend as a kid) |
Anonymous
| I have boys the same ages as yours and yes, I let them wrestle/playfight/tackle each other. Yes, it inevitably ends with someone getting hurt or upset. The thing is, I don't think I can stop it unless I keep them fully separated all the time. Boys this age (at least mine and their friends) are irresistibly drawn to physical play. The best I can do is set ground rules to make sure no one is truly injured in the process. |
Anonymous
| Yes of course. They are brothers. Mine can still go at it at 18 and 21. In a playful manner that is. |
Anonymous
If one of them comes to you after and says: "So and so hit me after I said pause" or whatever, do you try to implement a consequence or anything? My approach has been that it's not something I want to get involved in, and if they don't like how these battles are going, they can stop participating. Not sure if that's the best way to handle though, and curious to hear what other parents do. |
Anonymous
No, we've established that if you do these activities you are going to get hurt sometimes. I don't get involved unless there's risk of a head injury or something that would require medical attention. |
Anonymous
| I take more of a benign neglect approach. They aren’t SUPPOSED to, and I tell them to stop once it annoys me, but it’s not my most strictly enforced rule. |
Anonymous
Absolutely no. |
Anonymous
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I have 5 boys no absolutely no.
Teach them to respect each other they don't need to fight. |
Anonymous
weird |
Anonymous
| Of course NOT. |
Anonymous
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For me, it's all about consent, and actually makes a GREAT lesson.
"Is everyone still having fun?" If you get one "no": "Stop! That's it. Larlo is in charge of his body, if he doesn't like this, the game ends." Subtle and powerful, IMHO. And as long as they're both having fun, the risk of injury is minimal. I'd let it happen. |
Anonymous
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Yes.
But they have a code word... It's "im not having fun anymore" and everybody has to freeze and the fight is over. It's stopped the ending badly part and taught self control. Sometimes on party does not know the other party is getting frustrated or hurt and they are not going to say calmly can we please stop. I've even heard my boys with other kids say, "hey stop he's not having fun anymore" It also works with "joshing around" verbally. Trash talk is fun until it's not. You need to learn when you have crossed the line from funny to rude. |
Anonymous
| Rough housing has been written about that it’s actually good for kids |