Grandparent legal expectations in mixed culture divorce
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Anonymous
| Does anyone know anything about the expectations of Chinese grandparents in a divorce? I am a white woman and have stumbled into a situation that I think has more cultural undertones than I realized. My STBX is 1st gen Chinese-American and his parents have become very involved in our divorce and a custody battle that DH initiated. A friend who grew up in China said that typically dads get there get custody of kids in a divorce so that’s why. Is that true? Google is giving me all sorts of answers. |
Anonymous
| Who cares? You're in the USA, right? |
Anonymous
I am. Just trying to understand if there is a justification for their behavior! |
Anonymous
| Just being overly involved is normal, and taking their son's side always and seeing the best in him at all times. My dad married a Chinese woman who brought a son with her, and their parenting styles are worlds apart. It's caused a lot of trouble in their marriage. |
Anonymous
|
No justification. They are his parents so they will support him like he is a g-d
Get a great lawyer |
Anonymous
| Why did DH have to initiate a custody battle? You are both parents. Forcing one parent into court and spending money just to see your kids makes no sense. |
Anonymous
| Uh yes. Divorce is not done there. Google it.. |
Anonymous
|
In China, children are treated as chattal. As they are considered a source of retirement income, children have traditionally been fought over as an asset belonging to only one divorcing parent. That's why boys are so valued - they stay with the natal family and bring in a bride whereas a daughter is simply going to marry out one day so is a waste of an investment.
Anyway, you are in the States and here the priority is what is in the best interest of the children. The Chinese grandparents probably don't understand that. Most Chinese immigrants still think the world operates like China does. Don't let them take the kid to China. There are stories where the child is kept there and it's almost impossible to repatriate them. Otherwise, you will be fine. However, the half Chinese child - well, if he's a boy he will enter his teens with questions about his masculinity and value in the sexual marketplace. Asian men are amongst the lowest tier in dating apps. But maybe not. I know a half Japanese boy who was chased by lots of girls in high school and as a college freshman his high school girlfriend who attends another college races to visit him every single weekend. So what I am saying is that if you have a Wasian son, a relationship with the Asian parent might be good, might be not so good because of this. Adolescence can be a tough period when it comes to this topic. |
Anonymous
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By the way, as grandparents they really shouldn't have legal expectations for themselves.
Because, you know, they aren't legal guardians. Maybe someone needs to explain that to them. |
Anonymous
Because he told me he should have and will have 100% custody. |
Anonymous
| Do the kids have passports? |
Anonymous
In my attorney’s firm’s safe that exists specifically for this purpose. Who knew that was a thing? I do, now. |
Anonymous
Barring felony charges and life threatening abuse from OP - fat chance of that. |
Anonymous
OP here. I am learning that there’s no rule saying that the motions someone files need to be grounded in reality. |
Anonymous
This means you never approve of travel requiring passports and realize that they will try to alienate your children from you. Get them good therapists beforehand to counteract this - from another culture, not Chinese but yeah this happens |