Constant texting but no second date!

[Anonymous]

I a 38 year old woman met this cute guy who is 46, a divorced dad of two girls.

We had a coffee meet up off the apps 2 weeks ago. I did not go in with high hopes but we had an easy banger and fun conversation. He was smart and much more handsome in person than on his photos in the apps. He hugged me twice and took my number saying he’d like to see me again.

Afterwards we texted all day…and we have been texting since! I fell ill last weekend and he kept checking in on me, even when I went to urgent care. We had a call and had a deep and intense conversation. He texts me good morning and good night. Sending me pictures and videos of his day sometimes.

The weekend I was sick he said he wanted to see me once I’m better. Last Friday I asked him if he wanted to hang out Sunday and he said he is out of town.

Over the past few days we have been flirting heavily..nothing crude but sweet and romantic.

If he doesnt ask me out this week, I’m out!

Why would anyone text and invest so much energy into a connection to not want to see me in person? Just not that into me?

[Anonymous]

I don't want to discourage you. I will be honest with you. We are not a good match for you. Divorced men with kids have it harder because women expect them to be more available for them. Divorced women don't have this issue as much.

[Anonymous]

You're interested in a man with kids. He's not going to prioritize you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You're interested in a man with kids. He's not going to prioritize you.

+1. I know I know. Some women think we are "Disney dads" chasing "younger" women and feeding our kids TV dinners when we have them on weekends. Some us actually choose not to date until our kids are off to college. Women aren't the only ones who prioritize their children. Some of us do. We take them to their activities, doctors, parents/teacher conferences etc.

[Anonymous]

I've dated a few divorced dads. It's not easy. Guys aren't as good at juggling things so dating can easily get put way on a back burner if the guy has 50/50 custody. My ex had two youngish kids and we would see each other 3 times in 2 weeks if everything lined up. Ultimately it wasn't enough for me. I also didn't want to take on a large parenting role when I'm really close to being done with that phase of my life. Plus ex and his wife are both disorganized parents - I would have been stuck doing too much.

Good luck! Don't feel too bad if it doesn't work out.

[Anonymous]

Some people like to have a flirty text buddy who they can keep at arms length. Dopamine hit from the attention but no real responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Yea, this is why you don't want to fall into the texting trap. It creates false intimacy.

Just send him a text about getting together: I'm free this weekend, want to make plans?

If yes -> make the plans, then pull back on texting. A couple light check-ins are fine, nothing too deep. Confirm with him the day before.

If he's "busy" -> you can respond with a polite "ok, let me know when you're free!" then stop texting altogether. Let him make the move.

[Anonymous]

He’s busy.

I’m also dating a divorced dad to two girls and he doesn’t have a lot of free time, that’s just how it is and I just go with the flow. I actually prefer it. It gives me a break from worrying about him and all his super grown up issues (im 28).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yea, this is why you don't want to fall into the texting trap. It creates false intimacy.

Just send him a text about getting together: I'm free this weekend, want to make plans?

If yes -> make the plans, then pull back on texting. A couple light check-ins are fine, nothing too deep. Confirm with him the day before.

If he's "busy" -> you can respond with a polite "ok, let me know when you're free!" then stop texting altogether. Let him make the move.

This. Also, he’s probably not divorced. Keep a few in the hopper, OP.

[Anonymous]

You are 38. You should not be dating a divorced forty something dad. You are too young to be settling for that. I say this as a woman who started dating divorced dads when I was 41 and I regret it. I should have waited a few more years to date men with kids and continued focusing on what few men without kids I could find.

Move on, OP. He does not have time for you. 38 may feel old but it's not as old as you think. Aim to date men with no kids between the ages of 34 and 42. I mean you can date older or younger if you want but just dont date men with kids yet.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]He’s busy.

I’m also dating a divorced dad to two girls and he doesn’t have a lot of free time, that’s just how it is and I just go with the flow. I actually prefer it. It gives me a break from worrying about him and all his super grown up issues (im 28).[/quote]

Oh honey. You are 28! Please stop wasting your time dating divorced dads! There are SO many men around your age who dont have kids yet. Date them.

[Anonymous]

He’s a dad of 2 kids. He’s going to be busy. Not seeing him again for 2 weeks, one of which you were sick is not indicative of his feelings for you. You may not be priority to him but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you. Let him make the next move to plan the date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are 38. You should not be dating a divorced forty something dad. You are too young to be settling for that. I say this as a woman who started dating divorced dads when I was 41 and I regret it. I should have waited a few more years to date men with kids and continued focusing on what few men without kids I could find.

Move on, OP. He does not have time for you. 38 may feel old but it's not as old as you think. Aim to date men with no kids between the ages of 34 and 42. I mean you can date older or younger if you want but just dont date men with kids yet.

As a divorced dad with kids I agree with this. Divorced women with kids unless divorced dads with kids are less likely to come across men who will complain about the lack of time with them. Men understand and accept that they will not be priority when they are dating someone with kids. Women will except you to prioritize them over your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people like to have a flirty text buddy who they can keep at arms length. Dopamine hit from the attention but no real responsibility.

+1 million

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He’s busy.

I’m also dating a divorced dad to two girls and he doesn’t have a lot of free time, that’s just how it is and I just go with the flow. I actually prefer it. It gives me a break from worrying about him and all his super grown up issues (im 28).[/quote]

Oh honey. You are 28! Please stop wasting your time dating divorced dads! There are SO many men around your age who dont have kids yet. Date them.[/quote]

+1