Should I tell my half sister our brother died?

[Anonymous]

My brother was in a really bad accident and was hospitalized for severe injuries. We have a half sister from my father’s first marriage who is older than I am, I didn’t grow up with her in the home and we are not close. She had reached out a few months prior to this incident and we talked for the first time in some years since my mother had died and she had a good conversation where she expressed an interest in being closer. There was no fall out, there just was no real relationship prior. I had called her and let her know what happened as she had some professional experience with what was going on with his condition post accident. We talked and then I tried updating her about his condition but never heard from her again after texting/calling once. This was about 3 months ago. A month after I tried getting back in contact with her he died of complications from the accident. He was fairly young to die (31). Would you say anything or just leave it be?

[Anonymous]

Purely a personal decision.

[Anonymous]

I would. No question about it at all.

[Anonymous]

Sounds fake, but no.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would reconnect to touch base and just say I have been dealing with a lot, as brother died.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would reconnect to touch base and just say I have been dealing with a lot, as brother died.

I’d like to tell her and I wouldn’t normally hold information about someone dying from another person but she never tried to find out what happened to him. I haven’t had a single phone call or text asking about his condition.

[Anonymous]

Yes I would. You have nothing to lose really and she may feel slighted if she hears way down the road or runs into the obit.

[Anonymous]

Did she have a relationship with your brother? Is your father still living?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would reconnect to touch base and just say I have been dealing with a lot, as brother died.

I’d like to tell her and I wouldn’t normally hold information about someone dying from another person but she never tried to find out what happened to him. I haven’t had a single phone call or text asking about his condition.

Do you want your feelings of anger toward her to dictate what decision you make in this situation? If you are so angry that you can't manage a, "Beth, Shane died last week from complications following his accident in XX. We heartbroken but relieved he's at peace" or whatever fake-true thing you'd say to other people, you probably need to spend some time thinking about why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would reconnect to touch base and just say I have been dealing with a lot, as brother died.

I’d like to tell her and I wouldn’t normally hold information about someone dying from another person but she never tried to find out what happened to him. I haven’t had a single phone call or text asking about his condition.

I understand. It seems pretty cold on her part. Maybe she had her reasons. She might have feelings about your dad abandoning her family to create yours. She shouldn't take that out on you. Maybe this was affecting her mental health and she wanted to step back. Maybe she just didn't get in touch with you because reasons and then she heard from somewhere else that your brother died and then she felt too awkward about getting in touch again, because of how she left your last update on read. So if I were you I would send that last message, to get the closure, and just see if she responds. I don't think you guys can ever really move forward with a relationship, if that's something you want, without addressing that elephant. I'm really sorry for your loss btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did she have a relationship with your brother? Is your father still living?

Basically no relationship. Father died over a decade ago.

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn’t you tell her?

[Anonymous]

Sounds fake, because you should know that all relatives and friends of the deceased MUST be notified. That's part of the last duty you have to the deceased. You don't know what was going on in her life that she didn't reply to you, but she will certainly be pained if you do not tell her that her half-brother died!

My God. Have some basic decency.

[Anonymous]

When someone dies, you notify so many people much less significant than a half-sister (even with the fraught background). I would notify her but I’d send the basic message you probably sent less close people. I’d also suggest doing it to get it off your mind - you have so many more important things now. I’m sorry for your loss.