Avoid holiday with family only because of sister and her bf?
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Anonymous
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We go to a large family gathering on Christmas Day each year (about 30 people).
I haven’t spoken to my sister all year because she’s constantly defending the racist things her MAGA bf and his friends say/post online. They are coming to Christmas again this year - an Aunt is hosting who doesn’t really know the details and my parents refuse to get involved. On one hand I can’t stand this guy and really do not want to be around him on Christmas Day, nor do I want my biracial kids within 20 feet of him. But on the other hand I’ll miss my extended family and don’t want to miss out all because of one jerk. Anyone nope out of holiday gatherings because they can’t stand people? |
Anonymous
| I think you should not go in order to protect your kids. That is the reason, not your own personal preference. |
Anonymous
| I agree - don't go. Protect your kids. See your extended family separately instead. |
Anonymous
| If it were just you I'd say go. But since you have kids, don't go. |
Anonymous
| 30 people? Go and avoid him. How old are your kids? It’s not like kids under say 25 are going to want to talk to adults anyways. So what is the risk of them actually talking to that guy? |
Anonymous
| Yes. You choose your children’s emotional safety over your wants, OP. This is like any other thing. You miss the rest of your family, then make time to visit them safely. |
Anonymous
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You should attend to see your relatives. I say this, when I told another OP yesterday that her own parents barely deserved a few minutes of visit time because they were unabashed MAGA. She is coming home to visit both in-laws and parents.
But this is different: you are going to see a large group of people and only one is morally in the wrong, and he's not even your blood relative. You don't need to greet him, or talk much to your sister. Just hang out with the others. |
Anonymous
^ I'm a multi-ethnic person, BTW. |
Anonymous
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How old are your kids and can you involve them in your decision, OP? Also, which flavor of MAGA, the white supremacist version?
(I have a MAGA cousin and biracial kids, but we attended a family event recently that went smoothly--he even refrained from making comments about DC and draining the swamp! So MAGA on its own wouldn't be enough for me; I realize it's a different dynamic though because this person is not part of the family--or not yet, anyway.) |
Anonymous
It sounds like they're keyboard warriors, I wouldn't skip Christmas over them. Just mingle with others. |
Anonymous
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I have a MAGA BIL and his presence has made Xmas annoying. I have learned that he will say offensive things often within earshot but not directly to me to try to get me to turn around and have a confrontation. I just ignore him entirely, while acting a little clueless. It is the only way.
Tell the kids before the event that he is a mess and to just nod and smile and keep moving. |
Anonymous
Absolutely not And the host condones racists soap if your sister is invited why the hrll would you go?? This is a hard no your kids deserve better find your brain take care of your kids!!! |
Anonymous
| stop following him on social media. doesn't do you any good. |
Anonymous
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I'm not sure OP. You could try to attend but have an exit plan if things go south to get your kids out right away. Some of these folks are cowards while others relish confrontation. If your kids are little they will prove able to play with the other kids and avoid him.
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Anonymous
Yes to this. My maga BIL doesn’t say anything in real life. I still avoid him at family gatherings bc I can’t stand him, but that’s easy to do. Especially at a party with 30. Don’t deny yourself a holiday party or your kids the rest of the family. Don’t let him win. |