Do you expect (or appreciate) friends & family to remember your loved one's death anniversaries and reach out?

[Anonymous]

Just curious. I usually do for the first year after but then the specific day fades and more just thinking of the friend during that month, and sometimes (more often than not) will reach out.

It depends on the friend too, as some of them honor the day/the loss each other and others don't.

Do your closest friends acknowledge your anniversaries of death? Do you acknowledge other's, or only if they bring it up?

[Anonymous]

No, because I can't remember other people's loved ones' death anniversaries. The one time I remembered such an event was for my neighbor's mother's death. He was very touched. But my memory is a sieve and usually I forget these things.

[Anonymous]

No. I have great friends and none of them remember my parents death dates. My siblings and I usually send a text. But that's all. I imagine that if my spouse died my sister in law who is very organized would put it in her phone and remember to reach out but I doubt friends would. I'm lucky that no one in my circle has lost a child. I'd hope that friends would rally around that date but have no point of reference.

[Anonymous]

No I do not. I do not remember or recognize a death anniversary. And hope others will not remember or recognize mine. My hope would be that an anniversary is not on their minds. I can be, sometimes, but not a date. If the subject of someone else's death is brought up and they are hurting of course I'll listen and offer sympathy.

[Anonymous]

No. Definitely not. I wish my DH did though. Even when I remind him, he just doesn’t think a death anniversary is a big deal, probably because he never experienced a death that was a tragedy. In some sense, I think it’s something that’s hard to do if you’ve never experienced it.

[Anonymous]

My friend’s child died at 5 years old. I acknowledge it every year for the last 20 years. It shows my friend that I never forget and always remember. Another friend mentioned the one year anniversary of her mother’s death was coming up and she was feeling sad- I made a point to leave her a message that day to tell her I was thinking of her.

[Anonymous]

No. This is the kind of thing that will annoy me if people do it because I don't want someone else deciding when I'm going to think about that loss, bringing it up when I'm in a social setting (that one drives me nuts -- don't bring up my dead loved one at a party, please), or putting me in a situation of having to thank them for mentioning it to me.

I know there are people who like it when you remember (my MIL for instance) and understand their reasons for it. But I don't like it and will generally be a little bit short with people when they do it because I just don't think it's their place.

The first year is different, it's nice to have someone acknowledge the loss and check on you, but after that I'd prefer people let me decide if I want to discuss it.

[Anonymous]

I just passed the one year anniversary of my mom's death. I did not expect anyone else to remember it - but I did get a nice text from my mom's best friend, which was sweet. One nice thing about being Jewish is that I could observe the anniversary of her death my saying mourner's kaddish, with the support of a minyan. I find the rituals around death in Judaism to be incredibly helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious. I usually do for the first year after but then the specific day fades and more just thinking of the friend during that month, and sometimes (more often than not) will reach out.

It depends on the friend too, as some of them honor the day/the loss each other and others don't.

Do your closest friends acknowledge your anniversaries of death? Do you acknowledge other's, or only if they bring it up?

No. I don't expect it nor would it matter. I see grief as a private thing.

[Anonymous]

Not at all.

[Anonymous]

I only do it for the year after, but not for subsequent years as I don't want to unnecessarily cause stress.

[Anonymous]

I appreciate but don’t expect it. My brother died as a young adult and a group of my friends (who were also very close with him) do reach out. It’s more of a group text thing though. Sometimes I’ll initiate it, sometimes it’s someone else. It was more than 25 years ago at this point but we all still remember the date.

[Anonymous]

I don’t feel death anniversaries need to be remembered by friends and families. Personally, I can’t remember the exact date of my parent’s deaths (over a decade). I could look it up, but it simply isn’t ingrained in my brain as their birthdays are.

[Anonymous]

I don't expect people to remember the anniversary of my daughter's death, but it is always nice when they do. A short "I'm thinking of you and NAME" text is perfect.

[Anonymous]

No.
I honestly find it odd, obsessing about a loved one’s death 10+ years later.