When your child is not invited to a birthday party.
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Anonymous
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I live in a neighborhood of what (I assumed were) a close-knit group of Moms.
I just learned today that one of the girls is having a birthday party and my son is not invited. Our kids are all within 1-3 years of each other; my son is 6.5 (turning 7 soon), and my friend's daughter is turning 8 today. Our house has always been open and inviting, and we've had them over for wine and barbecues tons of times. DS just went outside to play and learned that most of the girls in the neighborhood (and one boy) are going to a birthday party, but he is not invited. The odd thing is, she is always over at our house! I've made them lunch, done crafts, and spent a ton of time together. I thought I was close with the Mom but I guess not. Is this normal? Whenever we've had a birthday party for DS, we've invited the entire neighborhood, and we haven't excluded kids. It's always fun, but I guess it stings when that hospitality is not reciprocated. Am I being dramatic? Or is this typical for their age group? It's hard not to feel bummed. Also - I have one kid and no experience in this arena, so please just be gentle with me! |
Anonymous
| Is your son the youngest in the neighborhood? |
Anonymous
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He is a little boy. To an 8 year old girl. We would need more information about the one -sole- boy invited. That's the only thing unexplained about an 8 year old girl not inviting a 6 year old boy.
I'd do your best to keep the situations separate in your mind: the neighborhood kids hanging out (at your house only if you want) and a birthday party. |
Anonymous
| They reach an age when they may only invite their gender. She could be only inviting girls that are in third grade, for example, and your boy doesn’t fit in. |
Anonymous
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You are overthinking things. Maybe she wanted an all girl party and is forced to invite that one boy. Maybe there's a limit on how many kids she can have.
Just shrug and be like "yeah, sometimes you have a party and can't invite every single person you want to either. It happens." Everyone is still friends. |
Anonymous
No, plenty of kids are younger than him! |
Anonymous
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This is around the age where some parties start to be more girl or boy centric (princess party, superhero party or whatever) and some do “all girls” or “all boy” invites. I know another boy was invited but that could be a fluke of some sort as well (maybe his mom is helping, or he has a sister attending so the courtesy was extended to sibling?)
Also, is your son in a different grade than the birthday girl? That could also be a factor. Hard to say. I would be a bit hurt, but odds are this was nothing against your son. |
Anonymous
| I told my kids making a birthday list of invites is a very difficult thing. The moms are always gonna put limitations and they are gonna be certain parties. You are not invited to. That’s just part of life. |
Anonymous
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An 8 year old girl usually doesn't want a 6 year old boy at her party. Particularly if the girl is in second grade and the 6 year old is in kindergarten.
It is a bummer though. I was in a similar situation and got along with so many of the moms who happened to have girls. My son was also in a grade younger than the group of neighborhood girls. |
Anonymous
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Just stop. Honestly. If you had a wedding (remember?) you know full well that even if you want to invite absolutely everyone, you just can’t.
If the guest list is limited to X and you ask the birthday kid to name their top X, there it is. It’s really not that complicated. I hosted a birthday party last weekend and limited my daughter to 10 friends. I was surprised at some of the choices, but you know what? Her 4th grade self is different from her 3rd grade self, and people go in and out of classes, and kids get organically further and closer and closer and further and it’s all fluid, and it’s all fine. If the kid and the parents are generally kind to you and your kid, let it go. People simply cannot invite everyone, as you know full well, yourself, from the events you’ve planned for yourself and your family. Don’t be such a hypocrite that you can’t see that. |
Anonymous
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You are upset your 6yo son is not invited to an 8yo girl’s party?? It would be more upsetting if your 8yo same age same sex daughter was not invited.
I have an 8yo dd and we only invited girls and 1 boy. Every single kid was in the same grade. |
Anonymous
Read it again. |
Anonymous
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When this happened to my first child, I was really hurt. We purchased a special gift and had a cousin over to play the day of the party. I just hosted a party for my youngest and there was drama at school because a friend who wasn't invited found out. DC likes the friend, but there really wasn't enough room for everyone.
We maintained a friendship with the family that didn't invite my oldest and the kid who didn't invite DC is one of their closest friends today. Sorry it happened to your son, but it's one of life lessons and he will be fine. |
Anonymous
| I feel this personally this year and remind myself - and please do as well - we/our child/person X just can’t be invited to every party. For reasons we will never understand. And sometimes it’s not a classy decision. For example, we’ve invited a child to a few birthday parties and parents didn’t invite our child; our child’s friend kept telling our child they were invited to a party but no invitation came. I think we take the exclusion/FOMO of our child along with our own. |
Anonymous
I don’t think I’ve ever had a birthday party where being in the same grade was a criteria. That’s odd. If it’s true that all the kids who play in the neighborhood were invited but him, the mother is rude and insensitive and her child is following her footsteps by discussing the party in front of someone not invited. And the birthday girl is old enough to be taught that. |