Does this "friend" actually dislike me?

[Anonymous]

I am a part of a group of neighborhood moms that regularly socialize together. Overall I do enjoy spending time with them, but there is one mom "Jane" who often makes cutting remarks to me that makes me question if she is a real friend or if deep down she actually dislikes me. For example a few months ago our group of friends came over to my house after a neighborhood event, and Jane and one other woman I am not close with stayed later than everyone else. We were in my kitchen, which we just renovated a few months earlier, and Jane kept going through my kitchen cabinets and made comments about how little stuff was in them. She kept saying over and over again "are you poor? Are you poor? Is that why you don't have any stuff?" She was pretty tipsy at the time. I was so shocked and taken aback that I didn't say some in the moment and just laughed uncomfortably.

Jane doesn't work and I work full time and am the main breadwinner for my family, so it really felt like she was putting me and my home down in that moment, especially in front of this other woman who I don't know well and who has a reputation of being well off. I personally worked hard to save up to afford our renovation, so it really felt like a put down in the moment.

This is the one example that I am having a hard time moving past, but there have been many other times I have felt cut down by her. Am I being too sensitive here or is this a sign that she actually doesn't like me? I get she had been drinking at the time, but I still think it was a pretty inexcusable thing for a middle aged woman to do and say.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't mean she doesn't like you. It means she is a b.

[Anonymous]

She is obnoxious and I would limit my time with her accordingly. Is there also a possibility she is an alcoholic?

Also, you could have actually said “Jane, what on earth is wrong with you? Of course I’m not poor. Stop going through my cabinets.”

[Anonymous]

That is some really gross behavior. She's obnoxious at best and a total B at the worst. I can't imagine saying this to anyone – ever. And going through your cabinets? WTF? Not normal behavior. If "she was just drunk" is the excuse here, then she has a drinking problem and needs to get it under control.

[Anonymous]

Keep in mind that Jane didn't make YOU look bad to the other woman. Jane only made herSELF look bad. She can't handle her alcohol and doesn't know her limits, is rude and invasive, and puts people down. That's not someone I would let in my home ever again, let alone consider as a friend.

[Anonymous]

Does she behave that way with everyone, or just you?

Two things:

1. I would have taken it as the joke it was intended to be. I had a colleague in grad school that often made intrusive comment as jokes. Some people couldn't really understand that she wasn't being mean. I liked her, because I understood she was going for humor.

2. I entirely agree that past a certain age, those people imbued with that sense of humor should know to control themselves (when they're not drunk) and understand that aggressive humor can be poorly received in company.

So yes, she is in the wrong. However, it doesn't mean that she doesn't like you. She apparently doesn't quite fall in line with accepted social norms of behavior.

You can choose to distance yourself from such a person, of course.

[Anonymous]

Why do you think she is your friend? Clearly, she is not. You should feel happier after being with a friend.

[Anonymous]

It was a joke and perhaps a bad joke. You are being too sensitive.

[Anonymous]

I had someone make rude comments to me about my house. She hated both of us after visiting our home.

Her dad was a doctor. I attended her wedding, and it was expensive.

She was a spoiled rich girl and now she is divorced for the second time (what a surprise) so we can see the good half of the couple and never see her again.

Really never understood the “liberal” who could not deal with humans who earn less than they do.

[Anonymous]

Bye bye Jane

[Anonymous]

Shouldn't you be questioning if you should dump her as a "friend?" Seriously OP. Treat yourself better.

[Anonymous]

She’s not your friend. She’s a neighborhood mom.

[Anonymous]

Who cares how she feels? You don’t feel good.

Don’t engage.

[Anonymous]

She sounds awful. Why does anyone hang out with her?!?!?

[Anonymous]

When people tell you how they feel - Believe them.

That was a dig. She’s not your friend