How to politely tell family to cut down on the Christmas presents

[Anonymous]

This is an odd year for us -- we're living in a rental with our two young kids while our house is being renovated, and we're actually having to switch to another short-term rental in Jan for a few more months since everything is behind schedule. With all the moving, we are living very minimally with just a few outfits/toys etc, to keep it easy. But, Christmas is coming and our families like to give lavishly.. think 3-5 presents from each adult to every other adult, with multiple siblings/cousins/etc etc. We literally have to spend the day after Christmas opening presents the ENTIRE day because otherwise we wouldn't have time to eat on Christmas. I'd love to send a message to everyone to keep it minimal for us this year, like 1 gift per adult, maybe 2 for each kid? I also have a sibling who lives across the country and we've sent each other presents for 20 years, but his kids are grown now and I don't feel the need to keep sending presents, especially this year, and I want them to send anything to us either -- is it rude to send everyone a message that we're paring down on Christmas this year due to all the moves? How can I phrase it?

[Anonymous]

“Hey guys we aren’t going to do gifts this year. We need to downsize. We the parents will get a few Santa gifts for our kids but that’s it.”

But know that if tons of gifts is how they celebrate, they’re still going to do that while you’re there and just not give you guys gifts. So if that will be sad for your kids you need to just not go.

A massive holiday like that sounds exhausting to me anyways

[Anonymous]

Hi all! Since we’re juggling two rentals and the renovation won’t be done until spring, we’re trying to keep life as light as possible. To help us stay sane during this weird transition year, could we keep Christmas gifts very small? One gift per adult and two small things per kid is perfect.

And for long-distance family, please don’t feel like you need to send anything this year (and we won’t be sending gifts either). Shipping, storing, and hauling things around right now is just more than we can manage.

We love you all and are excited for the holidays; simple is best for us this year!

[Anonymous]

This is your opportunity to downsize the giving (esp. adult 2 adult). Do it--you have a great justification!

[Anonymous]

Will you still be spending the holiday with them? How old are your kids? Ate there cousins?

[Anonymous]

I would approach some key people individually instead of sending out a blanket email or text. Make your appeal separately. Also make it about you and the gift exchanges you participate in. Don’t try to manage other people’s gift exchanges.

[Anonymous]

My brother/SIL and I agreed on downsizing when our kids were teens. For us, it was no more adult gifts, and for the kids GCs for agreed-upon amounts plus one fun thing to open. It has taken a lot of stress out of the holidays . . . consider approaching your family with limitations that work for you.

[Anonymous]

Omg definitely cut back on the adults gifting things to each other. 3-5 gifts per person?!! That's insane. Just say you aren't doing it this year, and since you can't "give" you don't want people to buy for you.

I'd allow it for the kids and try to cut that back as you go. I often put things I know aren't super favorites off the side (and avoid having the boxes opened up etc) and then regift or donate a good amount. My kids don't need more than one gift from anyone bc they get SO MANY gifts. While I appreciate the thought, it's too much stuff.

[Anonymous]

I think it's most polite to be direct. And just state what you will be doing and make a suggestion at how others treat your family. If they still decide to go nuts, fine. But be ready to donate the things you don't want.

You don't have to allow extra stuff to take over your life.

[Anonymous]

I agree that you need to be crystal clear and blunt, otherwise they will keep sending the mountain. Not one gift per adult, 2 per kid (what? That's like normal Christmas in my house ). Dear Family, ZERO gifts for us going forward, we cannot accommodate anything in our tiny rental and want to celebrate the spirit of the Holiday instead of material things. We will not participate in any gift exchange. Love you so much, Happy Happy, Hugs to everyone, Larla, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an odd year for us -- we're living in a rental with our two young kids while our house is being renovated, and we're actually having to switch to another short-term rental in Jan for a few more months since everything is behind schedule. With all the moving, we are living very minimally with just a few outfits/toys etc, to keep it easy. But, Christmas is coming and our families like to give lavishly.. think 3-5 presents from each adult to every other adult, with multiple siblings/cousins/etc etc. We literally have to spend the day after Christmas opening presents the ENTIRE day because otherwise we wouldn't have time to eat on Christmas. I'd love to send a message to everyone to keep it minimal for us this year, like 1 gift per adult, maybe 2 for each kid? I also have a sibling who lives across the country and we've sent each other presents for 20 years, but his kids are grown now and I don't feel the need to keep sending presents, especially this year, and I want them to send anything to us either -- is it rude to send everyone a message that we're paring down on Christmas this year due to all the moves? How can I phrase it?

I would just be direct. Don't worry about being rude.

"Just to manage everyone's expectations, we don't have the means to be as generous as in the past and will be cutting back on material gifts. We encourage everyone to do the same. Thanks."

I did this several years ago after one similar Christmas you described -- where we we sat around opening gifts for the entire day. My SIL was so into it she wrapped up toilet paper and individual socks. It worked.

I find in these instances that you need to be direct and clear and not tiptoe around what you want. If someone's feelings are hurt, they'll get over it.

[Anonymous]

Well, whatever you are going to say to them, do it quick. I'm done with my Christmas shopping already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, whatever you are going to say to them, do it quick. I'm done with my Christmas shopping already.

This. OP your request is very reasonable based on your current situation. But from what you've shared I'm guessing many presents have already been purchased.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, whatever you are going to say to them, do it quick. I'm done with my Christmas shopping already.

I’m done too. However, I took the cues from my adult kids/spouses and cut the gifts to 2 per grandchild and a bit of money. I don’t give my adult kids/spouses presents….just cash. It’s so much less stressful for everyone. Just use your words. Didn’t hurt my feelings one bit. Things change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, whatever you are going to say to them, do it quick. I'm done with my Christmas shopping already.

+1. Already did most of my shopping by Good Friday.