Fake Feminist

[Anonymous]

I am dating my recent gf of 6 months and she is 42. Overall, talks a big game that she is a feminist and women's rights etc but never go 50-50 on anything. I am very liberal and progressive and agree with most of the things she says about women etc but don't understand why her walk is different than her talk. I like her and have no problem spending $s as I make a lot more than her but she sometime acts like an entitled person and wants man to take care of her like in traditional setting. Not only her, but she is also teaching her young daughter to not go 50-50 on anything with her bf and counts a small thing such as driving to see him for 50 miles as enough contribution that he should take care of all the expenses for the weekend such as hotel, food, going out for drinks, etc. Is she really a feminist if her beliefs and values are in such a way that she can't even afford her own self?

[Anonymous]

Fake feminist or no, doesn’t sound like a good person. Find a good person who is fun to be with and considerate; a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet…

[Anonymous]

You should point this out. She's a user.

[Anonymous]

I've never read any feminist academic literature that discusses this 50/50 notion.

Equal pay for equal work, for example, has nothing to do with 50/50.

50/50 , like hairy legs and bra burning, is Straw Feminism, a caricature conjured by anti-feminists and men to bludgeon women.

[Anonymous]

A lot of women see dating as a time to be wooed by the man, even feminists, but there's a limit. If you've dated a while she should be over this by now.

I would look at her behavior on all things. Does she say one thing and do another in other circumstances? Is she honest and unselfish? Does she always want things her way? I suspect she's hard to please and doesn't think she has to walk the talk when it benefits her and you may see that in other places too. Probably stingy too.

[Anonymous]

Why does it have to be 50/50 since you make much more? Maybe she expects proportional.

[Anonymous]

Tell us some of the things she says about women that you agree with and how they are in contrast with her behavior?

What does being a feminist mean to you?

[Anonymous]

How is any of this anti-feminist?

You make a lot more money than her, so it makes logical sense you would pay more. Most couples split things based on income.

Yes, if someone drives an hour to see you for the weekend, it is common courtesy for you to take care of your guests. The BF is putting her up in a hotel? Why? That makes zero sense. Either way, yea, if you request someone come visit you for the weekend but you won't let them stay with you, you should pay for their hotel room.

And it sounds like it's not about you feel taken advantage of, it's more that you want to stick it to her for being feminist. That's not a good sign that you care about her or even like her. You shouldn't be looking for "gotchas!" with your partner.

Like my BF is more 'traditional' and believes that the man is the leader. Does that mean I sit back and let him make every single decision and if he doesn't, whine and complain "but you said men are leaderssssss"? No, that's just dumb, just like it would be dumb for him to bean count every little thing and make sure it's split right down the middle.

Each person brings their own beliefs about relationships and you find a way to compromise so everyone is happy. If you're just going to complain, you should break up.

[Anonymous]

It’s not anti-feminist and (I’ll look for the link) where someone explains the non measurable items women contribute to when thinking about 50/50.

From women make $.67 to your dollar, cost of birth control, the safety issues women face dating and bringing you around her daughter, grocery shopping, eating at her home, the cost of her clothing/makeup/staying fit, the amount of unequal care they offer, on and on and on. Dating is very expensive for women financially, emotionally, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not anti-feminist and (I’ll look for the link) where someone explains the non measurable items women contribute to when thinking about 50/50.

From women make $.67 to your dollar, cost of birth control, the safety issues women face dating and bringing you around her daughter, grocery shopping, eating at her home, the cost of her clothing/makeup/staying fit, the amount of unequal care they offer, on and on and on. Dating is very expensive for women financially, emotionally, etc.

I was just quoted $1500 for an IUd insertion. Not to mention the side effects, extreme pain, removal, etc.

Men really underestimate the BS we go through so they can get laid.

[Anonymous]

Op here. A few of the things that she does is that she has high expectations of gifts, trips and also gifts for her kids which I am fine if she is being honest but her efforts towards my kids and me depends on how she is feeling and always look out for her or her kids benefits. She talks about a blended family but also gets pushy on how I need to raise my kids for which I put strict boundaries and she doesn't that take that well. She could help us with cooking at the home but wants to eat out all the time. If her kids are coming over, then she would cook for sure. She has a huge spending problem and spends more than she makes and in serious debt. A couple of comments she made about her ex-husband that she would not have stayed with him if he wasn't financially supporting her but then shows and give value to her daughters that man should take care of you. How is that sustainable when you are going against your values and contradicting yourself in terms of finance. your partner don't need to make as much as you but there are places in the household that you can contribute. She made a comment a while back that she started dating someone and he was good but then the guy asked to go for 50-50 after 3rd date and he dropped all contacts with him. I am not with her for money and can easily handle the expenses but this hypocrisy bothers me a little and not the way I want to raise my daughter to be dependent on a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am dating my recent gf of 6 months and she is 42. Overall, talks a big game that she is a feminist and women's rights etc but never go 50-50 on anything. I am very liberal and progressive and agree with most of the things she says about women etc but don't understand why her walk is different than her talk. I like her and have no problem spending $s as I make a lot more than her but she sometime acts like an entitled person and wants man to take care of her like in traditional setting. Not only her, but she is also teaching her young daughter to not go 50-50 on anything with her bf and counts a small thing such as driving to see him for 50 miles as enough contribution that he should take care of all the expenses for the weekend such as hotel, food, going out for drinks, etc. Is she really a feminist if her beliefs and values are in such a way that she can't even afford her own self?

Expecting her to split everything 50/50 is anti-feminist and unfair . You make much more and daring us way less taxing for men than for women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does it have to be 50/50 since you make much more? Maybe she expects proportional.

This. If you make so much more than she does, you should be happy to foot the bills. If I made much more than the man I was dating, I would do foot most of the bills happily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not anti-feminist and (I’ll look for the link) where someone explains the non measurable items women contribute to when thinking about 50/50.

From women make $.67 to your dollar, cost of birth control, the safety issues women face dating and bringing you around her daughter, grocery shopping, eating at her home, the cost of her clothing/makeup/staying fit, the amount of unequal care they offer, on and on and on. Dating is very expensive for women financially, emotionally, etc.

I was just quoted $1500 for an IUd insertion. Not to mention the side effects, extreme pain, removal, etc.

Men really underestimate the BS we go through so they can get laid.

Noone is asking women to date or have a relationship if they expect all that they do needs to be covered by men. Most of the men are just looking for respect, honesty, peace and low chaos. If this is what they expect men to cover then ofcourse they are dependent on them and that is not feminism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. A few of the things that she does is that she has high expectations of gifts, trips and also gifts for her kids which I am fine if she is being honest but her efforts towards my kids and me depends on how she is feeling and always look out for her or her kids benefits. She talks about a blended family but also gets pushy on how I need to raise my kids for which I put strict boundaries and she doesn't that take that well. She could help us with cooking at the home but wants to eat out all the time. If her kids are coming over, then she would cook for sure. She has a huge spending problem and spends more than she makes and in serious debt. A couple of comments she made about her ex-husband that she would not have stayed with him if he wasn't financially supporting her but then shows and give value to her daughters that man should take care of you. How is that sustainable when you are going against your values and contradicting yourself in terms of finance. your partner don't need to make as much as you but there are places in the household that you can contribute. She made a comment a while back that she started dating someone and he was good but then the guy asked to go for 50-50 after 3rd date and he dropped all contacts with him. I am not with her for money and can easily handle the expenses but this hypocrisy bothers me a little and not the way I want to raise my daughter to be dependent on a man.

You are mixing several different things here. Her being over-spender and in debt, having different parenting values are real concerns if you plan a LTR. Expecting you to contribute most in your dating expenses is not using you, if you make more money