Building relationships with teachers for college recommendations

[Anonymous]

I have an introverted high school junior. He hasn’t really connected with any teachers in previous years. Also, in many classes, his teachers switch at the semester so most teachers don’t have more than one semester knowledge of his work. And despite efforts on our part, he hasn’t joined a club. He plays one varsity sport, volunteers in his community and works full time in the summer. How does a kid like this approach teacher recs?

[Anonymous]

nobody cares about the recs

[Anonymous]

Is there one subject that he really enjoys and you know the teacher has a grasp of who he is as a student? If so go with that one. And have him write a “brag sheet” anyway for all teachers.

[Anonymous]

He is currently a junior. So he has some time. Tell him to man up and start developing relationships with teachers.

If his teachers are halfway decent they should still have a sense of who he is and his work and be able to write a recommendation even if he is quiet. But he should still make an effort.

I was an introvert when I started high school. But I learned that if I wanted to get anywhere in life I needed to speak up. I have a very introverted kid who has figured this out as well. Think about the Ferris Bueller quote about life passing you by. I know it isn't easy. But there have to be one or two teachers he feels comfortable with.

If he can't do this he is going to get trampled at a competitive school so perhaps he is better off anyway at a school that is less dependent on recommendations.

Not being a jerk. Being realistic.

[Anonymous]

So this year he has two classes he really likes and participates a good amount - Forensic Science and AP Psych but he gets new teachers in both classes at the semester.

FWIW - he’s and A/B student and is not targeting highly selective schools.

[Anonymous]

My DC is not an extrovert, nor an introvert. She finds this effortless—just go to office hours and build a relationship over several months. I don’t know what else there to be discussed.

[Anonymous]

I have an introvert - he picked the two teachers he had for his two strongest subjects junior year (one STEM, one humanities, as recommended). One of them he had previously so that was helpful. They have the kids fill out a detailed questionnaire for the teachers and I made my kid do a very thorough job on it - the goal was to end up writing 1-3 paragraphs for each answer, giving the teachers some details, stories, academic experiences they could use in their recs. Colleges need all types of kids, not just extroverts who suck up all the oxygen.

Make sure he tells the teachers things they might not know - eg, my ds did not talk a lot in class and rarely went to office hours, he preferred working alone rather than in teams or groups when given the choice. But he regularly helped classmates with their work, I would hear him on calls basically teaching them material. When friends or classmates were out sick - one was on medical leave - he made a point of helping them catch up. His math teacher never would have known that about him if ds hadn't told him and I bet the teacher wrote about it in the letter. If he really likes Forensic Science and Psych, he should ask one of those teachers.

I would have him ask his coach, mentor or boss to write a rec as well, since many schools accept a third rec from a coach, mentor, boss, etc. My ds did this and it was a key letter for him because the person knew him in a way no one else did and could speak to his passion and leadership.

Don't fret too much about this - the LORs are important for selective schools, but there are many ways your ds can work to make them strong. Also, joining a school club is overrated - it sounds like he has a nice assortment of activities. Depending on what the community service and job are, he may want to lean more into them, or into an academic interest (Forensic Science? Psych?) or something else, maybe find something he enjoys doing outside of school - it does not have to be a club.

He sounds like good kid who works hard and this will all turn out okay! Most kids are not the "once in lifetime student" in teacher recs, and the teachers do genuinely want to help the kids. They are good at speaking to their strengths.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't have to be buddies with his teachers to get a good LOR. You don't need to waste their time in office hours or chatting after class if you don't have anything to say. That can be charming from some kids, but super annoying from others.

If he is kind, works well with others, maybe asks good questions or answers questions when he is asked, writes well, etc the teacher will notice.

I'm a prof and write LORs all the time. I can write a great letter for a quiet kid. But I would tell him to ask a teacher before the semester ends. Out of sight, out of mind and you want the teacher to remember specifics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So this year he has two classes he really likes and participates a good amount - Forensic Science and AP Psych but he gets new teachers in both classes at the semester.

FWIW - he’s and A/B student and is not targeting highly selective schools.

AP Psych is one semester? Sounds like these are great classes for recs. Are all classes at this school one semester only? If so, all kids are in the same boat and teachers will be used to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So this year he has two classes he really likes and participates a good amount - Forensic Science and AP Psych but he gets new teachers in both classes at the semester.

FWIW - he’s and A/B student and is not targeting highly selective schools.

AP Psych is one semester? Sounds like these are great classes for recs. Are all classes at this school one semester only? If so, all kids are in the same boat and teachers will be used to it.

Both classes are for the full year but they switch teachers at the semester.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So this year he has two classes he really likes and participates a good amount - Forensic Science and AP Psych but he gets new teachers in both classes at the semester.

FWIW - he’s and A/B student and is not targeting highly selective schools.

AP Psych is one semester? Sounds like these are great classes for recs. Are all classes at this school one semester only? If so, all kids are in the same boat and teachers will be used to it.

Both classes are for the full year but they switch teachers at the semester.

Why do they switch teachers?

[Anonymous]

At an admitted student event for a HYPSM the AO mentioned that every year they receive over a thousand "best student I have taught in my career". So unless the teacher is a known commodity (from a school that sends a lot of students to this college) they tend to discount even that.

So I would say do not worry too much about the recommendation letter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So this year he has two classes he really likes and participates a good amount - Forensic Science and AP Psych but he gets new teachers in both classes at the semester.

FWIW - he’s and A/B student and is not targeting highly selective schools.

LORs matter very little outside the T300ish. Encourage him to try to get to know one teacher well then move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC is not an extrovert, nor an introvert. She finds this effortless—just go to office hours and build a relationship over several months. I don’t know what else there to be discussed.

Times like this are when you need to resist responding to posts. We are glad your daughter finds things like this effortless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So this year he has two classes he really likes and participates a good amount - Forensic Science and AP Psych but he gets new teachers in both classes at the semester.

FWIW - he’s and A/B student and is not targeting highly selective schools.

AP Psych is one semester? Sounds like these are great classes for recs. Are all classes at this school one semester only? If so, all kids are in the same boat and teachers will be used to it.

Both classes are for the full year but they switch teachers at the semester.

Why do they switch teachers?

OP- are you in mcps? My kid had a similar issue where mcps switches teachers at the the semester. He ended up picking a couple teachers for classes where he got his best grade and/or might have participated more because he liked the content. Focus on the brag sheet and put in the details that you mentioned about him helping others- especially if you are targeting jesuit or other schools with a community commitment focus. The teachers have so many to do that they rely heavily on the brag sheet.