Why I am I so bothered by this? Aunt made comment about my breasts!

[Anonymous]

My aunt is visiting us for a few weeks. This morning she was looking at some beach pictures of me and said “why did you make your breasts so small? You should have made kept them a little bigger!” For background, I had a breast reduction surgery 13 years ago and I am very, very happy with my results.

I then told her they’ll probably grow a little with menopause. That’s when she pointed to her breasts and said “mine did not grow. They’re still the same!” As if to imply she still has her perfect size D breasts.

Anyway, I’m now really annoyed. My whole life I’ve struggled with body confidence (and she knows this). And if I bring this up with my family they will accuse me of being “overly sensitive.”

I am I right to be annoyed?

[Anonymous]

Oops, OP here. Sorry for the typos! It should say “why am I so bothered by this?!”

[Anonymous]

Nobody should make comments on other people’s bodies!!!

I live in a culture in which that’s unfortunately common. You’ll need to decide if you can ignore it or communicate boundaries.

Sorry this happened to you.

[Anonymous]

“It’s so weird for you to make that comment. Are you feeling OK?”

Call people out. Don’t let it slide. Made them uncomfortable, too.

[Anonymous]

She is awful.

[Anonymous]

Older people do not realize that it's no longer correct to talk about other people's bodies. Also, preferences for breast size have changed. I just read an article (either the Post or the NYT) about all the people who had enlargements who are now getting them removed). She's probably of the Playboy era. FWIW, I would love to be small enough to go without a bra.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My aunt is visiting us for a few weeks. This morning she was looking at some beach pictures of me and said “why did you make your breasts so small? You should have made kept them a little bigger!” For background, I had a breast reduction surgery 13 years ago and I am very, very happy with my results.

I then told her they’ll probably grow a little with menopause. That’s when she pointed to her breasts and said “mine did not grow. They’re still the same!” As if to imply she still has her perfect size D breasts.

Anyway, I’m now really annoyed. My whole life I’ve struggled with body confidence (and she knows this). And if I bring this up with my family they will accuse me of being “overly sensitive.”

I am I right to be annoyed?

I'd be that snarky niece that would make a derogatory remark about her breasts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Older people do not realize that it's no longer correct to talk about other people's bodies. Also, preferences for breast size have changed. I just read an article (either the Post or the NYT) about all the people who had enlargements who are now getting them removed). She's probably of the Playboy era. FWIW, I would love to be small enough to go without a bra.

Older people can still be educated that body shaming is not OK, no matter how old you are. My father recently commented "did you notice that the last 3 women through the door are obese"? Coming from a man who is overweight himself. My sister and I called him out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is awful.

OP here. Thank you. That’s what I think too. But I come from a family that values “respecting elders” She is staying with us for a few more days and I have to remain civil and polite. This sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My aunt is visiting us for a few weeks. This morning she was looking at some beach pictures of me and said “why did you make your breasts so small? You should have made kept them a little bigger!” For background, I had a breast reduction surgery 13 years ago and I am very, very happy with my results.

I then told her they’ll probably grow a little with menopause. That’s when she pointed to her breasts and said “mine did not grow. They’re still the same!” As if to imply she still has her perfect size D breasts.

Anyway, I’m now really annoyed. My whole life I’ve struggled with body confidence (and she knows this). And if I bring this up with my family they will accuse me of being “overly sensitive.”

I am I right to be annoyed?

I'd be that snarky niece that would make a derogatory remark about her breasts

OP here. I wish I could do this, but then I will be labeled the rude one. And she will go around telling everyone how awful I was to her.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her large breast look slutty and then gesture to hers like you are Vanna White. Seriously, tell her that her opinion is irrelevant. I am sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Ms Aunt is super rude. You need to stand up for yourself OP.

Let Ms Aunt know you’re happy w the size of your breasts and that shouldn’t be a concern of hers.

[Anonymous]

You are right to be annoyed. You’re annoyed about the specific comment, but you are also annoyed that your aunt is comfortable trampling what others would see as a boundary.

Next time she makes a comment like that, you should absolutely push back. You can ask her why she’s even talking about your breasts, “which is kind of creepy.” Use the word “weird” or “creepy.” And if she pushes back and says it’s not creepy she’s just asking and she’s family, say, “Nah, it’s still creepy.”
And you could say that you find these too big so each person‘s idea of what’s perfect varies. And lastly, you should say that your breasts are your own business and the size you chose is your own business, so it’s not even a topic for discussion.

You are an adult and you should push back on your very nosy and inappropriate aunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Older people do not realize that it's no longer correct to talk about other people's bodies. Also, preferences for breast size have changed. I just read an article (either the Post or the NYT) about all the people who had enlargements who are now getting them removed). She's probably of the Playboy era. FWIW, I would love to be small enough to go without a bra.

It’s never been ok to discuss other people’s bodies. The aunt sounds overbearing and rude. However, I wouldn’t give it a second thought and just move on.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you to all the PPs for your input and advice.

I thought I was maybe being too sensitive but sounds like I was justified in being annoyed!

And yes, I agree that I have to work on pushing back and setting boundaries (without being aggressive or rude…which is hard to do!)