Is there a way to tactfully tell 17 year old DS that he needs to lose weight?

[Anonymous]

DS, 17, has gained over 30 lbs in the past year. The main reason behind the weight gain ( besides eating more calories than he’s burning, obviously) is that he isn’t playing sports nearly as much as he did in years prior. He realized that he isn’t playing at a level that’ll get him recruited for college and has focused on other, non athletic extra curricular activities . He’s also taking on a very rigorous course load at school, so a lot of his time is spent sitting at a desk.
I am worried about the health ramifications as diabetes runs on both sides of our family.

Is there a tactful way to approach this topic with him?

TIA

[Anonymous]

Talk about health, family dispositions and stress from the course load. You ask about gyms/classes/rec sports he might be interested in. Ask what his friends do or other kids at school.

You don’t tell people, even/especially your own kids, they are fat.

[Anonymous]

30 lbs on a 17 year old is not going to give him diabetes. It sounds like he has a lot going on that is pretty high stress. If he is a junior or senior, is he putting a lot of pressure on himself to get into a good college?

I would talk to him about how his stress level and how he is feeling. You can certainly messsge that physical activity is a good way to mana he stress and offer to do some physical activity with him. Playing pickleball or going on a hike with your stressed out kid will be better in a number of ways than pretending that his current situation is a lead up to a life time of chronic illness.

[Anonymous]

I’d point out that he doesn’t need to eat the same as he did when playing the sport because he doesn’t need the same energy. Give him fewer carbs and more fiber - apples , carrots, etc. Less junk food, fewer snacks.

[Anonymous]

Don’t.

Just shift the entire household to calorie burning activities and healthier food.

[Anonymous]

Leave it alone. My son put on a lot of weight the year after he dropped his sport. I was worried too but it makes sense. He was used to eating so much for years and his weight creeped up. It was way more than 30 pounds.

But I’m someone who struggled with weight and had a mon who thought she was being supportive. I didn’t appreciate her “helpful” advice or comments.

My son is 18 now and not in any organized sport but healthy again. End of junior year he got into healthy eating with protein/macos or whatever they talk about with friends and stopped with a lot of the junk. They lift together. He had to do it, not me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d point out that he doesn’t need to eat the same as he did when playing the sport because he doesn’t need the same energy. Give him fewer carbs and more fiber - apples , carrots, etc. Less junk food, fewer snacks.

PP and pointing out that you don’t have a 17 yo boy. An apple or carrot won’t fill them up. And this mom likely isn’t preparing his food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t.

Just shift the entire household to calorie burning activities and healthier food.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t.

Just shift the entire household to calorie burning activities and healthier food.

This is the right way.

[Anonymous]

Agree with above poster - get the whole family on board for health. These are the years for disordered eating/EDs to crop up unless you tread lightly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t.

Just shift the entire household to calorie burning activities and healthier food.

This is the right way.

When your kid is 17 there’s not a lot of “shifting the whole house to calorie burning activities” you can do. 17 year olds aren’t going to the park to kick the soccer ball around with mommy after school. They also are probably consuming >50% of their calories outside the house.

Not saying making healthy foods available and modeling an active life cycle isn’t good, but we’re not talking about an 11 or 12 year old.

Agree with other PP that he’s going to need to decide he wants to do this on his own. Make it easy for him to join a gym if he wants, talk to him generally about managing stress

[Anonymous]

You don't "tell him" he needs to lose weight. I'm sure he knows.

You tell him you can support him in this, and open up the conversation to discuss diet and exercise. Exercise is important, and lack of it likely led to his weight gain, but losing weight is 90 percent diet and happens in the kitchen, not the gym.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d point out that he doesn’t need to eat the same as he did when playing the sport because he doesn’t need the same energy. Give him fewer carbs and more fiber - apples , carrots, etc. Less junk food, fewer snacks.

Mommy of toddlers has arrived!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t.

Just shift the entire household to calorie burning activities and healthier food.

This avoidance won’t equip him with the skills he will need next year at college. The dining hall won’t change its menu if he gains a few.

[Anonymous]

What is his friend group like? As another PP said, my son’s friends go lift together and talk about protein etc etc. So in his case the problem would work itself out. But if his friends are similarly sedentary, then I do think I would mention just once about how diet needs to change based on activities.

But 30 pounds on a tall young man isn’t a lot. And many are underweight even if fit, so it could just feel like a lot to you.