How to feel about my Fiance

[Anonymous]

Hi there
I would love some quick advice about my fiance. How would you handle these two situation

He has a very rude brother, and I asked my guy to stand up for me and ask him to please be nicer to me and respect me more. It doesn’t seem to be happening and his brother is still very rude to me. We only see them sometimes and it would be nice to just be treated nice and spend a nice time together… I treat him and his wife and children very well and bring food and gifts…

The other thing is it was my birthday and I wanted to take his brother and family out for dinner. My guy never really told them it was my birthday, until later in the day when we were at their house, he just casually mentioned it. Both me and them got embarrassed, obviously. I still ordered out and paid for the food and brought it to their house. I wish my guy just acknowledged my birthday with his family… or say nothing at all. Weeks later it’s his sister in laws birthday and they all went out to dinner at a restaurant and had cake for her…. That really upsets me, that they treat her nice and I don’t get the same respect back…

What would you suggest do do I. These situations? I talked to him about it, but he doesn’t think he did anything wrong, of course and saying how he’s brother is rude to everybody. But I try to explain I’m nice to his family, and I’m your future wife and family, I’d like a little bit more respect, that’s all I’m asking for.

Am I in the wrong here? Should I just let it go?

Thank you for your responses in advance!

[Anonymous]

Dump him. He's not thoughtful of you in the early stages of your relationship. It will only get worse. If you go on to marry him, you need to go into it with eyes wide open. Don't be shocked if he is even more thoughtless in years to come.

[Anonymous]

You all sound way too immature to be getting married. He needs to stand up for you and you need to stop being a doormat. Why on earth would you buy dinner on your birthday for some guy who is a major jerk to you? Break up and grow up for 5 more years before even thinking about getting married. Neither of you are ready.

[Anonymous]

You are hoping your fiancé will change. He won’t. You need to leave him and figure out why you allowed yourself to be treated so poorly. You lack respect for yourself and you need to figure out why or you could risk repeating a pattern of being with someone who treats you poorly.

And if you think your fiancé is treating you poorly now, it will absolutely get worse with time.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused.
His brother is rude to you but you wanted to spend your birthday with him and buy dinner? Huh?
Why would they have a party for you?
Or plan a party for you? You either plan a party for yourself or your fiance does.

Your fiance should have your back but he can't change his brother's behavior. You and your fiance then have a choice if spending time with them or not.

As always you should assume this is the best it will ever be and nothing will change can you live with that? If not end things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused.
His brother is rude to you but you wanted to spend your birthday with him and buy dinner? Huh?
Why would they have a party for you?
Or plan a party for you? You either plan a party for yourself or your fiance does.

Your fiance should have your back but he can't change his brother's behavior. You and your fiance then have a choice if spending time with them or not.

As always you should assume this is the best it will ever be and nothing will change can you live with that? If not end things.

This. I don’t understand the birthday thing. That’s weird. I think you’re looking for trouble, op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi there
I would love some quick advice about my fiance. How would you handle these two situation

He has a very rude brother, and I asked my guy to stand up for me and ask him to please be nicer to me and respect me more. It doesn’t seem to be happening and his brother is still very rude to me. We only see them sometimes and it would be nice to just be treated nice and spend a nice time together… I treat him and his wife and children very well and bring food and gifts…

The other thing is it was my birthday and I wanted to take his brother and family out for dinner. My guy never really told them it was my birthday, until later in the day when we were at their house, he just casually mentioned it. Both me and them got embarrassed, obviously. I still ordered out and paid for the food and brought it to their house. I wish my guy just acknowledged my birthday with his family… or say nothing at all. Weeks later it’s his sister in laws birthday and they all went out to dinner at a restaurant and had cake for her…. That really upsets me, that they treat her nice and I don’t get the same respect back…

What would you suggest do do I. These situations? I talked to him about it, but he doesn’t think he did anything wrong, of course and saying how he’s brother is rude to everybody. But I try to explain I’m nice to his family, and I’m your future wife and family, I’d like a little bit more respect, that’s all I’m asking for.

Am I in the wrong here? Should I just let it go?

Thank you for your responses in advance!

You should let the relationship go.

[Anonymous]

OP here

Oh the birthday because I wanted to be nice and I do like his wife and love the kids so I am trying to keep it nice between us, regardless of the brothers behavior. I’m just a nice person that’s my problem….

Thank you for your responses!!!!

[Anonymous]

You need to mature a lot before you get married. Go to therapy to work on being a codependent people pleaser. You likely won’t listen to this and will go ahead and get married. But you will likely think about this post in the next 5-10 years and finally get yourself into therapy as you realize that doing all this crap for other people while managing your own job, house, kids, etc is an exercise in insanity.

[Anonymous]

Stop taking his family out on your birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to mature a lot before you get married. Go to therapy to work on being a codependent people pleaser. You likely won’t listen to this and will go ahead and get married. But you will likely think about this post in the next 5-10 years and finally get yourself into therapy as you realize that doing all this crap for other people while managing your own job, house, kids, etc is an exercise in insanity.

+1

It's crazy to spend your BIRTHDAY with your BIL who is rude to you/you don't like. To be nice. On YOUR birthday.

You need to work on advocating for what YOU want.

[Anonymous]

There are so many red flags here that I don't know where to start.
please don't get married!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

Oh the birthday because I wanted to be nice and I do like his wife and love the kids so I am trying to keep it nice between us, regardless of the brothers behavior. I’m just a nice person that’s my problem….

Thank you for your responses!!!!

You are acting like a manipulative martyr. Look it up

[Anonymous]

You're not nice. You're manipulative. You bring food and gifts each time you go to the fiancé's brother's home? What do you want in return?

Nobody wants to spend their birthday with their fiancés rude brother - they want to spend their birthday with their FRIENDS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not nice. You're manipulative. You bring food and gifts each time you go to the fiancé's brother's home? What do you want in return?

Nobody wants to spend their birthday with their fiancés rude brother - they want to spend their birthday with their FRIENDS.

This. You're incredibly immature and you hide your manipulation behind this "I'm a people pleaser" act. Your fiance is immature as well and sounds like a total dud. End the relationship and work on yourself.