Not getting along with a coworker. Please advise.

[Anonymous]

I work directly with a coworker with whom is known to be difficult. I am very passive. My boss stuck me with this individual and I don’t know how to handle it. She documents every conversation with a follow up email. Every single conversation…. I don’t even know how to respond. She puts me on emails to our boss questioning everything, like who is supposed to do what, hitting the boss with the rules and regulations. It is driving me crazy. I already have anxiety and this is making things worse. How do I handle her? What do I tell my boss, or anything? I don’t want to be difficult but this is difficult.

[Anonymous]

Are you doing your share of the work in a timely manner and communicating about it so that anyone working on it with you is cognizant of all the steps when they need to be?

Because it sounds like there's something going on that this coworker is trying to protect herself against. Did she have a bad experience in the past, or is the bad experience with you? Or is she, as you put it, just difficult?

If it's the latter, and she generates superfluous emails, you don't need to respond to them. Just send the deliverables when you have them. Separately, tell your boss that she's micromanaging and that she might benefit from advice from a superior about how much and on which subject, to communicate.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the emails documenting every conversation. Ignore the emails she sends to your boss. If your boss is not already completely annoyed by this person, she will be soon. Do your best to ignore these behaviors and this person will eventually self-destruct.

[Anonymous]

Some people like to "look busy" by doing a lot of stuff like she is doing.

Or she may be trying to cover her ass as the PP alluded to in her post. Maybe delve into the reason for her doing this?

[Anonymous]

None of that sounds bad to me. And, none of it requires anything from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the emails documenting every conversation. Ignore the emails she sends to your boss. If your boss is not already completely annoyed by this person, she will be soon. Do your best to ignore these behaviors and this person will eventually self-destruct.

+1
I had a brief "knowledge transfer" period with someone like this. Thank goodness we don't overlap much. She recorded every conversation and used AI to recap it and sent copies to our boss who has nothing to do with any of it.

From what little I know I think she's very insecure and has imposter syndrome. She essentially mentioned (on a recorded call) another coworker that is a friend and not in her group who helps her with everything technical (!!).

These people are so annoying on their own you don't even need to spotlight it OP. And the people who are carrying them will either stop or won't be there forever.

[Anonymous]

Read the emails. Leaving the boss off - only respond to any misstatements. Clarify those, do your job, ignore all the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read the emails. Leaving the boss off - only respond to any misstatements. Clarify those, do your job, ignore all the rest.

This. It doesnt sound like the emails require you to do anything.

[Anonymous]

OP here. The office knows she is difficult but they also know I am a yes person. I guess they figured we would work well together. It’s hurting my feelings and making me insecure. Some of the emails have questions in it or is inaccurate and worded in a way that I agreed to something that I did not. It puts more on my plate. But overall, it is just making me dread work having to walk on egg shells with her, having to open my email, etc. thank you all for the support thus far.

[Anonymous]

Find another job. It's not going to get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work directly with a coworker with whom is known to be difficult. I am very passive. My boss stuck me with this individual and I don’t know how to handle it. She documents every conversation with a follow up email. Every single conversation…. I don’t even know how to respond. She puts me on emails to our boss questioning everything, like who is supposed to do what, hitting the boss with the rules and regulations. It is driving me crazy. I already have anxiety and this is making things worse. How do I handle her? What do I tell my boss, or anything? I don’t want to be difficult but this is difficult.

Im in a similar situation. Im a fed and just waiting for the hiring freeze to end. Networking in another office (where I had an offer before) and hoping to either move or use the offer as leverage to get this person off my team.

[Anonymous]

If she adds work to your list, call her out in an email reply. You need to toughen up sweetie. 2 can play these games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The office knows she is difficult but they also know I am a yes person. I guess they figured we would work well together. It’s hurting my feelings and making me insecure. Some of the emails have questions in it or is inaccurate and worded in a way that I agreed to something that I did not. It puts more on my plate. But overall, it is just making me dread work having to walk on egg shells with her, having to open my email, etc. thank you all for the support thus far.

I find it hilarious when people who don’t do their share like to label others as difficult- what makes this person difficult? That they work hard? Keep good records? Maybe try being a hard worker too, being a “yes person” doesn’t always mean you can do the work you sign up for.

[Anonymous]

This situation is common when leadership and direction are weak, and people feel the need to protect themselves. The issue may stem from your manager’s approach. Your coworker is likely documenting everything to ensure she isn’t blamed, given extra work, or pushed into responsibilities that fall outside her role.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The office knows she is difficult but they also know I am a yes person. I guess they figured we would work well together. It’s hurting my feelings and making me insecure. Some of the emails have questions in it or is inaccurate and worded in a way that I agreed to something that I did not. It puts more on my plate. But overall, it is just making me dread work having to walk on egg shells with her, having to open my email, etc. thank you all for the support thus far.

If it’s inaccurate or gives you work you didn’t agree to, reply back and say so.

Time to not be a doormat. It’s the universe giving you an opportunity to grow.