Parent inviting me in while on the toilet
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Anonymous
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Background: When she had advance notice I was coming over, my mother would answer the door in underwear on the bottom and with a man’s white undershirt on top. She’d routinely go around without covering her top half.
The above happened my entire life when she was in her 40s and before she had dementia. It struck me today that was not normal behavior. Why would a parent do this to a child? She was not sexually abusive though she was emotionally and verbally abusive. |
Anonymous
I meant to add that l, yesterday, she invited me into the bathroom to see flowers I had bought her. I assumed she would be putting on makeup but she was on the toilet…She has dementia now and lives in assisted living, but she would do this kind of thing before, too. Before she had dementia, she would often answer the door barely dressed and would often walk around the house not fully clothed. I have seen her breasts many, many times. After I married, I tried never to visit without my husband because she would put clothes on if he was coming with me. Is what she did considered abusive? OP |
Anonymous
| No it’s not abusive! I barely wear clothes at home. It’s more comfortable! |
Anonymous
| Lack of healthy boundaries goes along with her other issues, I'm guessing... |
Anonymous
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This is not abuse. Op it sounds like you're looking for trouble.
Why? |
Anonymous
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You are way overthinking this.
She embraced the hippy 70’s nudist philosophy. Or that you shouldn’t be ashamed of your body. If a man can walk around in underwear and a t-shirt so can a woman. I had a couple of friends whose parents didnt believe in doors and they saud their parents walked around naked. It was a thing back then and I think some people just kept on with that mindset. I was reminded of it when I watched Charlue Sheen’s documentary and he mentioned there was a period of time his parents embraced the nudist lifestyle and walked around the house naked for a few months. |
Anonymous
Why do you think that? |
Anonymous
| She has dementia |
Anonymous
| You are female and so is she. Why does she need to cover up in front of her own daughter? |
Anonymous
My college boyfriend said they grew up with their Danish parents frequently nude indoors. |
Anonymous
| I'm confused. She's female and so are you, right? I have an all-female household, and one member or another is undressed regularly at our house. |
Anonymous
| Ok but until you have helped your disabled mom have a shower, and had to clean up your dad who pooped himself then put him in the shower, you haven’t really lived. |
Anonymous
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This is a form of sexual abuse, called covert incest. Parents being sexually inappropriate with their children. Not straight up molesting, but other behaviors:
Examples of covert incest could be the parent sharing intimate, graphic details of their own sex life to the child, practicing voyeurism, exhibitionism, inappropriate sharing of pornographic images, and similar behaviors that, while still being sexual abuse, are described as covert for their intangible nature. Covert incest is often difficult to detect. It's really sad to see people dismiss this as NBD, and I'm sorry for that OP. Many children don't realize how f***ed up these behaviors are until they meet someone...normal. |
Anonymous
| She just DNGAF. |
Anonymous
Dp. Because it’s gross. It is traumatizing for a young person to see an old body (okay 40 isn’t old but many women are out of shape by then, my mom was!) I didn’t want to see my mom’s breasts and I would never do this to my own dd but I have a son so it’s even more clear cut |