Can you coach your own kid?

[Anonymous]

For parents who competed at a high level in a sport their kid now plays, do you coach your own kid, or do you stay out of it? For example, if you were a basketball player, do you spend time on technical skills with your kid? If you were a competitive swimmer, do you help with technical corrections or workouts? If you were a gymnast, do you work on skills, strength, or flexibility at home with your kid? Just wondering if people who try to coach their kids found it to be a positive experience for both of you, or is it better to leave the coaching to outside coaches and just be a cheerleader?

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the parent and the kids personality. Plenty do but also get their kids coaching from others.

[Anonymous]

DS does not play my sport so no direct skills coaching, but my experience as an athlete and coach has filtered down to DS in terms of team expectations, behavior, work ethic, attitude etc. I think it’s also helped me help him see that if his goal is playing college he needs to do xyz (this is one topic he’s willing to concede I might know something!).

[Anonymous]

OP here. My kid is starting to show some genuine interest in my sport after trying several others. I'm finding it hard not to jump in and correct technical mistakes or offer tips when we're at home, but my input isn't landing well. I'm starting to think my role should just be to cheer from the sidelines and find them quality coaches instead. This would all be would be easier if they'd picked a different sport!

[Anonymous]

Jade Carey, Chelsea Memmel, and Nastia Luikin would all say yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jade Carey, Chelsea Memmel, and Nastia Luikin would all say yes.

So on that point, do they still have good relationships with their parents? I don't know their stories. Andre Agassi ended up hating his dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My kid is starting to show some genuine interest in my sport after trying several others. I'm finding it hard not to jump in and correct technical mistakes or offer tips when we're at home, but my input isn't landing well. I'm starting to think my role should just be to cheer from the sidelines and find them quality coaches instead. This would all be would be easier if they'd picked a different sport!

What sport

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jade Carey, Chelsea Memmel, and Nastia Luikin would all say yes.

Chelsie Memmel was not coached by her dad until she was 16. Her parents sent her to another gym when she was 6 because they recognized she was incredibly talented and wanted to "just" be her parents, not her coaches.

It wasn't until late 2004 (after a whole mess of an Olympic experience where she was named alternate, then told she'd be competing, then told "nope, sorry, back to alternate for you!" then repeat a couple more times) once Chellsie decided she wanted to continue gymnastics that she asked her dad to coach her. Andy initially said no. Chellsie really had to convince them that it was the right decision for everyone.

Nastia Liukin, on the other hand.......not sure there's enough therapy to undo the damage Valeri did to her.

[Anonymous]

They say professional athletes often make the worst coaches because they instinctively know how to do something, are not great imparting their knowledge to others and impatient when their kid/student isn’t picking it up quickly.

We had one LL coach who played in the MLB and was by far the worst coach we had. Possible he just was coaching the wrong age…couldn’t teach the kids much and had a short fuse. Lots of yelling at the players and the Umps.

On the flip side…many MLB players are children of MLB players, but that’s likely great genes passed down and not sure how much they coached their own kids.

[Anonymous]

I got into coaching basketball after getting an email that there would not be a team unless someone volunteered. It took me longer than I thought to get good at coaching, at least up to my standards, the kids were young enough that it didn't matter that much.

Don't do it if you can't control your temper. I've seen coaches slam their clipboards in rec league games. Don't be more ambitious than your kid, I've seen kids drop the sport because the parent was pushing too hard.

But the payoff is pretty great, seeing the kids advance into higher levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They say professional athletes often make the worst coaches because they instinctively know how to do something, are not great imparting their knowledge to others and impatient when their kid/student isn’t picking it up quickly.

We had one LL coach who played in the MLB and was by far the worst coach we had. Possible he just was coaching the wrong age…couldn’t teach the kids much and had a short fuse. Lots of yelling at the players and the Umps.

On the flip side…many MLB players are children of MLB players, but that’s likely great genes passed down and not sure how much they coached their own kids.

Yes, that makes total sense. I'm not a career coach, just a parent who can issue spot. I am trying to figure out what my role should be. I'm leaning toward detachment because when I try to help it seems like it takes the fun out of the sport for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jade Carey, Chelsea Memmel, and Nastia Liukin would all say yes.

So on that point, do they still have good relationships with their parents? I don't know their stories. Andre Agassi ended up hating his dad.

Andre Agassi's dad sent him to tennis camp very young, to a punitive place, and didn't listen when Andre said he didn't want to go.

Jade is still coached by her dad, I believe - except when she's in school when she's coached by the college coaches. Chelsea came out of retirement during the pandemic, and her dad did too, to coach her. Her family is very close - she and her parents own and run a gym together. Nastia defended her dad when people called him out for his abusive behavior towards gymnasts like Kaitlyn Ohashi and Vanessa Alter. She's done videos with him and it seems like they're close. I can't speak to how healthy their relationship might be as it's widely thought Nastia is anorexic and Val used to be known for driving his gymnasts to lose weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got into coaching basketball after getting an email that there would not be a team unless someone volunteered. It took me longer than I thought to get good at coaching, at least up to my standards, the kids were young enough that it didn't matter that much.

Don't do it if you can't control your temper. I've seen coaches slam their clipboards in rec league games. Don't be more ambitious than your kid, I've seen kids drop the sport because the parent was pushing too hard.

But the payoff is pretty great, seeing the kids advance into higher levels.

Continuing with this. I ran the basic basketball drills, shooting, layups, passing, defense, but what made me good as a player wasn't something I had been coached. Pushing one opposing player into another when boxing out for rebounds, making enough contact to alter the shot without getting called for a foul, fouling hard enough to prevent the basket without getting called for a flagrant foul, and initiating the contact when shooting. Not really beginner level stuff and I'm still not quite sure how to coach the nuances of the game, which means that my experience wasn't really useful. But I prioritized development and fun over winning and somehow managed to have some pretty good seasons.

[Anonymous]

Coaching is very much a skill. You'll have to develop it, and also an instructional relationship with your kid. It's worth doing though, because it will only make your kid that much more coachable. It's worthwhile reading relevant coaching material, even if it's only sports nutrition and conditioning.

We recently switched teams, and I think my DD's new coach was somewhat surprised she actually listened and implemented the things he was talking about in practice (while the coaches' kids barely listened to word they said). She very quickly became the go to player. Coaches' kids not listening seems par for the course in AAU basketball, it's kind of weird, we love them for organizing the teams anyway. AAU basketball is still very much parent coach oriented.

The bottom line is until you get to MS/HS program where they coaches are training them 5+ days a week, you'll have to figure out how to plug the gaps and get the right amount of training when they need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Coaching is very much a skill. You'll have to develop it, and also an instructional relationship with your kid. It's worth doing though, because it will only make your kid that much more coachable. It's worthwhile reading relevant coaching material, even if it's only sports nutrition and conditioning.

We recently switched teams, and I think my DD's new coach was somewhat surprised she actually listened and implemented the things he was talking about in practice (while the coaches' kids barely listened to word they said). She very quickly became the go to player. Coaches' kids not listening seems par for the course in AAU basketball, it's kind of weird, we love them for organizing the teams anyway. AAU basketball is still very much parent coach oriented.

The bottom line is until you get to MS/HS program where they coaches are training them 5+ days a week, you'll have to figure out how to plug the gaps and get the right amount of training when they need.

I need to read and learn about having an instructional relationship with my kid, then. Coaching is not a skill I have. There are several gaps that are so obvious to me, and I want to fix them, but my kid is not into it. I'm mostly getting back, "you're not my coach". The only times they've been receptive is when we've involved a friend, and the friend will figure out that I know my stuff and be open to learning from me, and then my kid will, too.