Can you coach your own kid?

[Anonymous]

DH does coach and ONLY instructs DS when they are at team practices and he’s in coach mode. At home, he certainly will help if asked but we found that it really wasn’t fun for either of them to be constantly critiquing.

[Anonymous]

Keep your head up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Coaching is very much a skill. You'll have to develop it, and also an instructional relationship with your kid. It's worth doing though, because it will only make your kid that much more coachable. It's worthwhile reading relevant coaching material, even if it's only sports nutrition and conditioning.

We recently switched teams, and I think my DD's new coach was somewhat surprised she actually listened and implemented the things he was talking about in practice (while the coaches' kids barely listened to word they said). She very quickly became the go to player. Coaches' kids not listening seems par for the course in AAU basketball, it's kind of weird, we love them for organizing the teams anyway. AAU basketball is still very much parent coach oriented.

The bottom line is until you get to MS/HS program where they coaches are training them 5+ days a week, you'll have to figure out how to plug the gaps and get the right amount of training when they need.

I need to read and learn about having an instructional relationship with my kid, then. Coaching is not a skill I have. There are several gaps that are so obvious to me, and I want to fix them, but my kid is not into it. I'm mostly getting back, "you're not my coach". The only times they've been receptive is when we've involved a friend, and the friend will figure out that I know my stuff and be open to learning from me, and then my kid will, too.

You have to fight the "youth sports industrial complex". You have to understand there are all of these social pressures that kids feel teachers, coaches, etc. Their business is taking your money and training your kid. They are interested in having the kids that pay more for training services be better. In most cases these "professional trainers" have optimized the available resources. They're telling your kid not to listen to you.

You have to compete with that. The thing is all those sources of training are going to put it together for you. They just want to charge $100 an hr to have your kid do basic drills. Kid not improving take more lessons.

[Anonymous]

This depends on your kid and you and all of your personalities. DH was not a professional athlete but played and had terrible issues with discussing anything with either of our kids. He always ended up trying to give some advice which ended up in major arguments at home. My kids don’t want his input at all. But he gets pushy even though he was tries to be supportive and helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This depends on your kid and you and all of your personalities. DH was not a professional athlete but played and had terrible issues with discussing anything with either of our kids. He always ended up trying to give some advice which ended up in major arguments at home. My kids don’t want his input at all. But he gets pushy even though he was tries to be supportive and helpful.

I don't really consider advice at home "coaching" and is kind of lame, unless it's a video or something. Videos go a long way towards settling misunderstandings. My kids know the deal. We'll go to the pool, we'll go to the gym, we'll go to the park, I'll buy them training toys(foam sparing pads, reflex trainers, slalom poles, hurdles), etc. But they need to practice. They generally go along with this. It's pretty transactional.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the sport. I would be wary coaching 1 on 1 -- tennis, for instance. Too much focus on one kid. Might be more interested in a team sport where your kid doesn't feel all of that attention directed at him. But even then I think it would be hard on both people. DD plays a team sport with two dad coaches. One of them is so intense that he has his daughter do daily drills outside of practice, spends time out of practice telling her what she's doing wrong ...and she generally seems miserable.

[Anonymous]

Never! DS does the same sport I did through college and I barely even watch because I know my stress level would be too high. I only say something if there is a safety issue that needs to be corrected.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm a dad did this with my DD from about age 4 until age 8/9 in soccer. Even though I have multiple coaching licenses and and good with kids she really learned a lot from me from about ages 5-7, but due to biology and development, she became more independent and stopped listening to what I would teach her by age 9. By then, if I said go faster, she would go slower and do the opposite. After talking with other Dad Coaches, this has generally been the case. Recognize when this shift occurs and go back to keep practice and games at home competitive and fun -vs- learning skills. With that being said, somewhere around age 15 they are more receptive to learning from Dad again.

I was happy to hand over the coaching reigns to another Coach at age 8/9. It's not worth me pushing her at the risk of ruining our relationship or communicating to her that I primarily value her as a person through her competency in sport. When they are young, instill competitiveness, passion and skills for the sport. -But recognize when they should be Coached by another coach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My kid is starting to show some genuine interest in my sport after trying several others. I'm finding it hard not to jump in and correct technical mistakes or offer tips when we're at home, but my input isn't landing well. I'm starting to think my role should just be to cheer from the sidelines and find them quality coaches instead. This would all be would be easier if they'd picked a different sport!

Been there, done that.

If you can't keep your mouth shut, or just keep it positive, don't get involved. WAIT.

It took me a couple of seasons to realize I had to coach my kids the way I coach my players (not my kids), it made a huge difference. Having things be FUN at home is what made the difference.

Let the kid come to you for the technical stuff. Mention you are there for that, but don't get into the weeds. Just praise the fun stuff. Make it all games.

[Anonymous]

I coached my kids teams for soccer up through about U8 and then their skills exceeded mine and they switched to groups with paid coaches.

My DD is U17 is the coach left her soccer team right before the season started so another coach stepped in who happens to have a DD on the team. It's been fine. The players have known this coach for many years and it's not an issue for him or his DD.

I helped coach my son's rec BB teams all the way through - it was rec, not high pressure and early on I was there mainly to help corral everyone. By the time they were in MS/HS, it was more in a supporting role for the head coach and I did the scorebook during games. It was a lot of fun seeing the kids improve and grow up.