Ditched on shadow day?

[Anonymous]

My son (rising 9th) was apparently ditched on his shadow day the other day. Host just up and left from the lunch table and left him there. My kid doesn't seem too phased by it (he went to the front office and they were able to reconnect him) but am I wrong to totally write off this school? Seems like a major red flag.

[Anonymous]

I would say that’s a major red flag.

[Anonymous]

I would not write it off purely for that reason.
My DD was "ditched" at Visitation - the girl just forgot she had a shadow. There were other reasons my DD decided not to apply - but this was not the lead.

[Anonymous]

Did the shadow’s lead explain what happened when they reconnected? Did they go to the bathroom and forget? Were they focused on a test? At my kid’s school, shadow day leads volunteer to host a shadow, it is not something they are forced to do, so they are generally enthusiastic about it. It is almost a badge of honor to be a shadow day lead.

[Anonymous]

My DD was passed around between kids at PVI, like a lost puppy whose owners can't be bothered to take care of it. It wasn't the only deciding factor but it was one among other data points that helped us form an opinion of the school.

[Anonymous]

Why would this be a red flag? Even a well intentioned kind kid could flake for 1000 reasons. Kids aren’t reliable.

The question for me would be how other kids responded to your “orphaned” student, if they knew they were a visitor. That would say more about school culture to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD was passed around between kids at PVI, like a lost puppy whose owners can't be bothered to take care of it. It wasn't the only deciding factor but it was one among other data points that helped us form an opinion of the school.

That seems kind of okay to me! At least they found babysitters.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't base anything on this. It's one 9th grade kid and 9th graders are often flakes.

[Anonymous]

Kids these days!

No, don't judge a whole school by one kid making a mistake one day.

[Anonymous]

"He went to the front office, and they were able to help him reconnect."

That's what you focus on.

[Anonymous]

My kid went to a private high school and k-8. This is a red flag. The school showed poor judgement using this kid as a shadow day rep and the kid who ditched yours is rude, immature, and clearly not a good community member.

This would not have happened at my either of my kid’s schools. I’m getting vibes that this is a diocesan school or large Catholic private. A lot of independent schools pride themselves on molding mature and polished kids that don’t “ditch” others. And before all of you start, I’m Catholic and we looked at Catholic schools for k-8 and high school. Also, refer back to PP saying their kid got ditched at Visi. No one else has responded saying this has happened at other schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"He went to the front office, and they were able to help him reconnect."

That's what you focus on.

That my son is more competent than his host who is a year older and actually attends the school?

[Anonymous]

It would be a piece of the equation but not a big part if DC otherwise loves the school. I would contact the school and give feedback though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"He went to the front office, and they were able to help him reconnect."

That's what you focus on.

That my son is more competent than his host who is a year older and actually attends the school?

It’s one kid. He could also have been paired with someone he just didn’t click with.

The shadow day is useful to try to get a feel for the school and for students to determine if they can see themselves attending. The exact interactions with the specific buddy should be taken with a grain of salt. Positive or negative, that is one student and not even one who will be in their grade. Encourage your son to try to think big picture. What did he think of the teachers, the flow of the school day, the vibe of students at lunch or during passing time or free periods, etc. Did students seem interested, engaged in class? Or were they slumped in seats or surreptitiously playing games or browsing social media on their computers?

Try not to let that one piece of the day color everything.

[Anonymous]

My kid was asked to be a shadow host in 9th grade. I'm sure some days he was pretty bad at his job as he was still figuring out the school himself (time management, executive functioning, organization, homework, friendships, etc.). Half the time in 9th grade I didn't know if he was coming or going and neither did he.

Seriously, have some of you ever met a 9th grade boy? I know this is DCUM where every 9th grader has the executive functioning of a 35 year old but I'm here to say that there are plenty of them out there that are still figuring out most things in 9th grade.