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Who's the martyr here?
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Anonymous
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The dad, who for unassailable legitimate reasons spends a maximum of 15 minutes a day with the kids, and does none of the "work" like laundry, packing lunches, bath/bedtime?
Or the mom, who does every parenting job on top of her full-time paying job, and receives virtually no recognition or thanks for picking up the slack? |
Anonymous
| Frankly, if I was this mom I would give a rat's ass about words of recognition and demand that DH pull his weight. Unless the dad is deployed or is confined to bed with a critical, real illness then he does not have an "unassailable reason" for being a lazy jerk. |
Anonymous
| You're clearly the martyr. That sounds like what you want, though. |
Anonymous
| I don't believe the dad has those reasons. |
Anonymous
| I don't think either of them are martyrs. They each have made choices and if it's not working they need to make different ones. |
Anonymous
| Oh grow up. He needs to pick up the slack, but you need to realize you're not doing these things for him, but for the children you hopefully love. |
Anonymous
| The dad - if he his "job" is to bring home the paycheck then he is sacrificing being at home, spending time with children, etc. all for sake of a salary. |
Anonymous
But mom has a full time job as well....lol |
Anonymous
| Being a martyr is a choice. |
Anonymous
Eight days a week. |
Anonymous
| If mom had any idea it might be like this BEFORE they had kids and had kids anyway... she's the martyr. And if she's considering having any more kids with this guy... more martyrdom. If y'all made the decision to have kids together and it wasn't forced upon him, then he needs to help out more. But let's face it, it's not unusual for mom to do more. I have my daughter 5 days a week, my ex has her 2 days a week. That's nowhere near "fair." I do all the clothes shopping, all the party/event planning, nearly all of the medical appointments and all the preschool/ daycare/school research and work in addition to the day-to-day routine, along with my full-time job and running a household. I could probably address this with him, but I don't because frankly, I'm used to being self-sufficient and dealing with stuff myself. (he gets overwhelmed more easily.) |
Anonymous
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"he gets overwhelmed more easily"
Oh, brother! |
Anonymous
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OP---my DH is like that---EXCEPT he does do the laundry...lots of it.
However, we both work full-time and I do the brunt of all things child and household-related. I do not consider myself a martyr because this is the split we have mutually agreed upon for the following reasons: I WAH 100%, with EXTREMELY flexible hours. I make a great salary---but DH makes close to triple what I make. DH is an independent consultant with essentially no holiday/vacation/sick leave (it is lwop whenever he takes a day). He doesn't get home until the earliest 7:30pm. His job (I know it--I've been with him for 14 years) is much more demanding then mine. I have tons of both annual and sick leave. DH handles our finances because he was an econ major and is great with this. We have a great portfolio. He always fines the best loan rates, the best investments, etc. He tries to get me involved--but I am much more into the kid-stuff. I am the one that found every childcare option for my kids---from the preschools to the nanny, etc. I am here for the playdates and I have daily contact with their teachers, etc. I am the one that has time to run over to the grocery store during the day and to get dinner started each night...though he has begun to pick up dinner on his way home a few nights a week...calling to ask what I feel like. I do the morning routines and I do the evening bath routines. DH will read to the kids at night. I have time to go to the gym on my lunch hour...DH does not so he goes after work (will come home to spend time with the kids; then go for a run or head to the gym 2 blocks away after he reads to them). I wholeheartedly support this because exercise is essential to preventing so many diseases/conditions and is a big part of both of our lives. DH does all the lawn work and takes out the trash, etc. This scenario works in our lifestyles at the moment. I don't believe you could have a 100% 50-50 split in a marriage all of the time---nor do I feel it is the best option. I think it is a big mistake to go down the slippery rope of "I do this, you didn't do this...blah, blah...". Each partner brings different things. Each partner has different strengths. If you are under-appreciated then that is something else entirely. My DH is the one that suggested the housekeeper when he saw I was struggling. He does what he can with the strenous work schedule--but I recognize this and try to give him a break here and there. We have been working our a** off for the past 14 years since we met (only have had kids for 5 years) so that we build our equity and look forward to him being able to work in a position with less hours in the coming years...for now this is our mutual goal. As our schedules change so will our "jobs". We also are training our boys to start learning some of the household chores---trash, emptying dishwasher, etc. They are only 2.5 and 5, but I see lawn-mowing in their future too! |
Anonymous
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"DH will read to the kids at night. "
What a hero! |
Anonymous
you obviously missed a lot of the other things he does in that post. he is also a fantastic father. I would really hate to be married to some of you b*tches and it is no wonder so many marriages end up in divorces. when you start looking at things only from "what I do" and take into account nothing else--it is very easy to overlook the things the other partner is actually bringing to the table. |