When you need to get more involved in HW

[Anonymous]

Our 8th grader (new dx / new 504 for dyscal/dysgraphia) is having a very hard start to the year (grade wise; had been mainly Bs/As now Cs/Ds). He was always ok and mainly could work independently, set his own workflow etc. We sought the dx due to some gaps/weaknesses vs outright crisis.

He is putting in the work but maybe (or clearly) not in a very effective manner. On one hand, this is the age where we should be pulling back but it seems to be the opposite.

Instead of "show us the assignment before you submit" we should now be at "let's start this together" OR him studying and us stepping in later I think we need to create a study plan.

He is resisting somewhat (or a lot) and I don't want to add helicoptering / micromanaging to the list of things he is feeling down about.

Any suggestions or tips on how to help him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our 8th grader (new dx / new 504 for dyscal/dysgraphia) is having a very hard start to the year (grade wise; had been mainly Bs/As now Cs/Ds). He was always ok and mainly could work independently, set his own workflow etc. We sought the dx due to some gaps/weaknesses vs outright crisis.

He is putting in the work but maybe (or clearly) not in a very effective manner. On one hand, this is the age where we should be pulling back but it seems to be the opposite.

Instead of "show us the assignment before you submit" we should now be at "let's start this together" OR him studying and us stepping in later I think we need to create a study plan.

He is resisting somewhat (or a lot) and I don't want to add helicoptering / micromanaging to the list of things he is feeling down about.

Any suggestions or tips on how to help him?

Honestly, it’s expensive but I think you outsource it. Get a tutor or someone with an executive function coaching background and help them help your kid plan out their homework and what to do, etc. Unless the kid is asking for it or you otherwise have worked together and it’s gone well in the past, this is fraught as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our 8th grader (new dx / new 504 for dyscal/dysgraphia) is having a very hard start to the year (grade wise; had been mainly Bs/As now Cs/Ds). He was always ok and mainly could work independently, set his own workflow etc. We sought the dx due to some gaps/weaknesses vs outright crisis.

He is putting in the work but maybe (or clearly) not in a very effective manner. On one hand, this is the age where we should be pulling back but it seems to be the opposite.

Instead of "show us the assignment before you submit" we should now be at "let's start this together" OR him studying and us stepping in later I think we need to create a study plan.

He is resisting somewhat (or a lot) and I don't want to add helicoptering / micromanaging to the list of things he is feeling down about.

Any suggestions or tips on how to help him?

(1) START WITH - "let's start this together" and END WITH "show us the assignment before you submit".

(2) create a study plan

(3) helicoptering / micromanaging will make things easier for him, not harder.

(4) You need to have a team of tutors for him. 12 months of the year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our 8th grader (new dx / new 504 for dyscal/dysgraphia) is having a very hard start to the year (grade wise; had been mainly Bs/As now Cs/Ds). He was always ok and mainly could work independently, set his own workflow etc. We sought the dx due to some gaps/weaknesses vs outright crisis.

He is putting in the work but maybe (or clearly) not in a very effective manner. On one hand, this is the age where we should be pulling back but it seems to be the opposite.

Instead of "show us the assignment before you submit" we should now be at "let's start this together" OR him studying and us stepping in later I think we need to create a study plan.

He is resisting somewhat (or a lot) and I don't want to add helicoptering / micromanaging to the list of things he is feeling down about.

Any suggestions or tips on how to help him?

Honestly, it’s expensive but I think you outsource it. Get a tutor or someone with an executive function coaching background and help them help your kid plan out their homework and what to do, etc. Unless the kid is asking for it or you otherwise have worked together and it’s gone well in the past, this is fraught as a parent.

There is no tutor who will also have executive function coaching background and will help your child.

Can you help your child with executive function coaching? Are you a good executive function coach? Do you have your shit together?

[Anonymous]

9th grade. Unless some 8th grade scores carry over, and some do, I wouldn’t stress until high school. Then, the battle is on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our 8th grader (new dx / new 504 for dyscal/dysgraphia) is having a very hard start to the year (grade wise; had been mainly Bs/As now Cs/Ds). He was always ok and mainly could work independently, set his own workflow etc. We sought the dx due to some gaps/weaknesses vs outright crisis.

He is putting in the work but maybe (or clearly) not in a very effective manner. On one hand, this is the age where we should be pulling back but it seems to be the opposite.

Instead of "show us the assignment before you submit" we should now be at "let's start this together" OR him studying and us stepping in later I think we need to create a study plan.

He is resisting somewhat (or a lot) and I don't want to add helicoptering / micromanaging to the list of things he is feeling down about.

Any suggestions or tips on how to help him?

My suggestion is to try to find someone else to do this. It could wreck your relationship bc at that age they really really don’t want your help, even if they need help. Everything becomes a battle.

[Anonymous]

Every parent needs to be more involved in their kids academics and be savvy about what long and short term strategies for K-12 and college education are needed. This is not just a kids with special needs issue.

[Anonymous]

An executive function coach could help with this. I'd aim for someone he could see twice a week and maybe check in with him in between. Your son would have to be at least somewhat open to it.

It can be motivating for some kids to think about being more efficient (and therefore having more time for things they want to do) and having less stress/angst in the parent-child relationship.

Otherwise, I'd aim for a weekly check-in with your kid and to make yourself available to him for assistance, if he needs it. It's not worth sacrificing your relationship with your kid for homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9th grade. Unless some 8th grade scores carry over, and some do, I wouldn’t stress until high school. Then, the battle is on.

He is in 2 high school credit classes but grades don't carry over. Isn't this the year to pull it together? I feel like if we don't next year will be stressful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9th grade. Unless some 8th grade scores carry over, and some do, I wouldn’t stress until high school. Then, the battle is on.

He is in 2 high school credit classes but grades don't carry over. Isn't this the year to pull it together? I feel like if we don't next year will be stressful

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9th grade. Unless some 8th grade scores carry over, and some do, I wouldn’t stress until high school. Then, the battle is on.

He is in 2 high school credit classes but grades don't carry over. Isn't this the year to pull it together? I feel like if we don't next year will be stressful

Next year will be stressful no matter what. Battle hard now and next year or battle lightly now and battle hard next year.

[Anonymous]

The things you do have control over:

1. Change where he does his work. Maybe the kitchen is too distracting. Maybe his bedroom causes him to procrastinate. Gotta find the sweet spot.

2. Have a homework schedule. Does he do better right after school or does he need down time and start after dinner.

3. Do check ins. Check to see if he is making progress.

4. Set a timer. Work for 20-30 minutes then take a break. Or take breaks between assignments/subjects. Whatever works best for him.

Bottom line, establish a routine that works for him with limited distractions. Eventually the routine will turn into a habit.

[Anonymous]

I agree with a lot of this advice above, although not the poster who said you can’t find an executive function coach. You definitely can. But if you want to do it yourself – – I think one thing kids fear is that if you’re intervening this much now, it means you’ll be hands-on for the entire year.

So You could break it down for him – – like, for the first three weeks, you look at the assignment together, he complets it with you next to him, he checks it and then you check it. For the three weeks after that, you look at the assignment together, but he doesn’t need to be with you when he does it he just needs to show it when he’s done. Etc. etc. You can tell him that The gradual release is contingent on him being able to manage some of it on his own.

And It doesn’t have to be punitive. Kids want to do well. If they have learning disabilities and neurodivergent, they’re used to not doing well and feeling crummy. So if you could be the person by their side that praises them, it helps them navigate the hard stuff that can be a good thing – – even if it’s hard for them sometimes to see that.

Also, it’s just October. Don’t despair about high school just yet. There’s a long road ahead for improvement this year.

[Anonymous]

I work with my kid daily on their lowest grade. If it’s say a B or C etc. (As leave alone)

If they’re getting As, whatever they’re doing is working.

Choose the lowest perhaps and ask about it daily.

Leave the others alone.

This may also change if they have multiple Cs, Ds or worse. Then bring in a tutor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with a lot of this advice above, although not the poster who said you can’t find an executive function coach. You definitely can. But if you want to do it yourself – – I think one thing kids fear is that if you’re intervening this much now, it means you’ll be hands-on for the entire year.

So You could break it down for him – – like, for the first three weeks, you look at the assignment together, he complets it with you next to him, he checks it and then you check it. For the three weeks after that, you look at the assignment together, but he doesn’t need to be with you when he does it he just needs to show it when he’s done. Etc. etc. You can tell him that The gradual release is contingent on him being able to manage some of it on his own.

And It doesn’t have to be punitive. Kids want to do well. If they have learning disabilities and neurodivergent, they’re used to not doing well and feeling crummy. So if you could be the person by their side that praises them, it helps them navigate the hard stuff that can be a good thing – – even if it’s hard for them sometimes to see that.

Also, it’s just October. Don’t despair about high school just yet. There’s a long road ahead for improvement this year.

Thank you for the detailed suggestions, this really resonated.