An observation on how to drastically reduce stress and fights w/ DC during college apps

[Anonymous]

I have noticed the most stressed out families and the parents fighting most with their DCs are the ones making their kids do extra ECs, internships, non profits, hiring private consultants and essay coaches to try to get into HYPMS. Also see same types of families with similar caliber kids, who are having a much better experience when they are more chilled about the process and aiming for still incredible but more slightly more attainable schools like Wash U, Emory, Middlebury, U of Washington.

Last year, I saw some of these more relaxed/more realistic families finish the process and headed out to Thailand or Hawaii for Christmas while the ones aiming for HYP were fighting so much they weren’t even seeing families for the holidays and the kids ended up at Oberlin instead of Yale anyway

[Anonymous]

Okay, so what is your question? I am not making holiday break plans because my child wants to have the time to apply to colleges. Trust me, I would rather they get into their ED school and I can go relax in Hawaii, but who on this board wouldn't love that?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, what was the advice there?

[Anonymous]

I love that DCUM thinks it’s normal to fly to Thailand for Christmas break.

[Anonymous]

This seems really self evident, on a Captain Obvious level. If you have a kid that could realistically maybe get into Harvard and instead they only apply to schools like University of Washington....yes, it will be less stressful for all involved. Will they someday regret that choice (maybe when applying for grad schools)? Who knows? Maybe, maybe not. Will that make it easier for you to go to Thailand at Christmas. Definitely! Does your kid even want to go to Thailand at Christmas? I definitely don't know that.

I know already I am going to have a disastrous time with my child, not because I am pushing them to go to Harvard, but because they think that they can get into some pretty good school by literally doing nothing except playing video games and making out with their girlfriend. The applications will somehow magically materialize, along with the grades to get into these pretty good schools. My kid going to a top school generated no fights because she just did what she wanted and did it herself. The closest thing we had to a fight was my trying to get her to put some more schools on her list that might be good mid-range schools, or to get more sleep and maybe NOT do so many ECs that she loves.

[Anonymous]

We were incredibly stressed out, not because we piled anything on our kid, but because he has severe ADHD and low processing speed, and couldn't work quickly and well enough to apply to a lot of colleges, according to his own standards. He also could not keep track of deadlines to provide transcripts and scores, which I had to do. He ended up applying to 6 colleges. It was the most he could do and even that was a HUGE effort. It was a completely shite time! We didn't yell at him. We were just all stressed, worried about missing a deadline, kid laboring and worrying about the caliber of his essays, etc.

My second child is much more functional, so despite the fact that she's a lot busier, we do not foresee as much stress when it comes to it.

Point: don't generalize on what stresses families out, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems really self evident, on a Captain Obvious level. If you have a kid that could realistically maybe get into Harvard and instead they only apply to schools like University of Washington....yes, it will be less stressful for all involved. Will they someday regret that choice (maybe when applying for grad schools)? Who knows? Maybe, maybe not. Will that make it easier for you to go to Thailand at Christmas. Definitely! Does your kid even want to go to Thailand at Christmas? I definitely don't know that.

I know already I am going to have a disastrous time with my child, not because I am pushing them to go to Harvard, but because they think that they can get into some pretty good school by literally doing nothing except playing video games and making out with their girlfriend. The applications will somehow magically materialize, along with the grades to get into these pretty good schools. My kid going to a top school generated no fights because she just did what she wanted and did it herself. The closest thing we had to a fight was my trying to get her to put some more schools on her list that might be good mid-range schools, or to get more sleep and maybe NOT do so many ECs that she loves.

Sounds like the non-traditional personal statement essay that gets your kid into Harvard. How I learned all there is to life by playing video games and making out with my girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

I helped both my kids with college apps while overseas on Winter Break. Both at T10.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, Karen.

[Anonymous]

I think often people see kids they vaguely know get into HYP and develop the false hope that maybe their kid has a chance too. At our school, a kid got into Harvard 2 yrs ago and last year more seniors applied to H SCEA. Little did they know that Harvard kid’s maternal grandfather is a big name and the mom is on the board of a bunch of F100 companies. The kid seemed like a “normal smart” white kid so everyone now thinks they have a chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, Karen.

Only on DCUM where urging parents to get along with their kids and not obsess over status schools make you a Karen

[Anonymous]

Disagree, my HYP kid was a breeze, they were self-sufficient and capable. No college counselor. My very smart but not shooting anywhere near that level was painful at points and needed more hand holding from me to keep positive and plugging along.

[Anonymous]

Anecdotal, but the people I know who went to SEC schools and pledged top houses not only had less stressful high school and college careers than the T20-or-bust strivers, but they're leading happier and more successful adult lives. Most have jobs like regional bank VP in a mid-sized Southern metro, or they're crushing it in big-ticket B2B sales. The strivers are still working 80-90 hours a week trying to climb the ladder in soul-sucking jobs they hate. Even their weekends are spent either working or worrying about work while the SEC bros spent last Saturday in Athens tailgating for Alabama vs. Georgia. The next time you're on 30a, chase down the first Bimmer you see (it won't take long) and ask the driver for college advice. The closest thing to an Ivy-plus you'll hear come out of his mouth is UF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotal, but the people I know who went to SEC schools and pledged top houses not only had less stressful high school and college careers than the T20-or-bust strivers, but they're leading happier and more successful adult lives. Most have jobs like regional bank VP in a mid-sized Southern metro, or they're crushing it in big-ticket B2B sales. The strivers are still working 80-90 hours a week trying to climb the ladder in soul-sucking jobs they hate. Even their weekends are spent either working or worrying about work while the SEC bros spent last Saturday in Athens tailgating for Alabama vs. Georgia. The next time you're on 30a, chase down the first Bimmer you see (it won't take long) and ask the driver for college advice. The closest thing to an Ivy-plus you'll hear come out of his mouth is UF.

They all married sorority dimes and lived happily ever after.

Really. You don't think even people in Atlanta stress out?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotal, but the people I know who went to SEC schools and pledged top houses not only had less stressful high school and college careers than the T20-or-bust strivers, but they're leading happier and more successful adult lives. Most have jobs like regional bank VP in a mid-sized Southern metro, or they're crushing it in big-ticket B2B sales. The strivers are still working 80-90 hours a week trying to climb the ladder in soul-sucking jobs they hate. Even their weekends are spent either working or worrying about work while the SEC bros spent last Saturday in Athens tailgating for Alabama vs. Georgia. The next time you're on 30a, chase down the first Bimmer you see (it won't take long) and ask the driver for college advice. The closest thing to an Ivy-plus you'll hear come out of his mouth is UF.

In your imaginary world

I know girls who rushed and it's a very stressful process for some of them. It's higher stakes than actually applying to the college. Beyond that, every family has their stressors and pressures and your description is so obviously trollish. Quit, you're embarrassing yourself.