If you're a saver married to a spender

[Anonymous]

How do you cope if you're a saver and your spouse is a spender, especially if their spending means a later retirement for both of you? Especially interested in hearing from people who both work and are old enough to realize neither of you is going to change your values around money.

[Anonymous]

Budget.

Either auto deduct into savings accounts and retirement and let the remainder be fun money, or auto deduct into a fun money account and don’t question that getting spent down.

[Anonymous]

Head in the sand, mostly! But he is well aware that he will need to work longer than I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Budget.

Either auto deduct into savings accounts and retirement and let the remainder be fun money, or auto deduct into a fun money account and don’t question that getting spent down.

Is it a joint savings account? If so, does the spender try to access it for purchases?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you cope if you're a saver and your spouse is a spender, especially if their spending means a later retirement for both of you? Especially interested in hearing from people who both work and are old enough to realize neither of you is going to change your values around money.

I handle 100% of the money. He's on a budget. He's also already retired while I continue to work full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Budget.

Either auto deduct into savings accounts and retirement and let the remainder be fun money, or auto deduct into a fun money account and don’t question that getting spent down.

Is it a joint savings account? If so, does the spender try to access it for purchases?

Yes, it’s joint. If spouse spent from the savings account on something without talking to me, we’d have bigger issues than them being a big spender. The agreed upon rule in our house is that paychecks are automatically split into multiple places: retirement, savings, checking. Only checking is touched on a daily basis.

[Anonymous]

I'm a saver, spouse is an impulse spender. Spouse is also older than me (65 and 60), and retired. Able to retire because I am such a good saver and don't blow money on wants - I'm practical and have always spend on needs. And, we would talk budget each year, talk about savings goals, and luckily we were mostly on the same page. Always maxed 401(k) plans at work made it easier - can't spend the money you don't have. I did all the grocery shopping (meal planning, buying in season and on sale), and we discussed any big spending (usually home improvement or travel). Spouse's impulsive spending was usually not big ticket (we're at the airport, need to buy a large Starbucks drink, or we're on vacation and they feel they will never get to buy a fill-in-the-blank again because we won't be back there, or saw some cool gadget that a friend has and wants one). We both agreed early on that either could spend as they want, and anything over $1,000 we needed to discuss with each other first.

I will be retiring in 1-3 years, my choice to work while spouse retired.

[Anonymous]

I handle the budget. He has his own credit card that I stick my head in the sand about.

[Anonymous]

Goal setting and compromise.

It sound like you have a target retirement number and date and that his spending means you will not get to your retirement number by your retirement date.

Maybe his retirement date is later or his retirement number is smaller such that he thinks you are on track to hit his number by his date with his spending.

[Anonymous]

Usually the spender also had other problems. I married one and dated another, but I was able to keep finances separately. Marriage wasn't too long luckily.
One had ADHD, depression, and anxiety, the other one had ASD.

[Anonymous]

A Starbucks drink is profligate? Wow. Gotta tell DH he has to use cheap shampoo not the expensive one.

[Anonymous]

Each person gets a budget to spend or invest as desired. No questions asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Each person gets a budget to spend or invest as desired. No questions asked.

What happens in retirement if one spouse has a big investment account and the other is broke? Do you just put them on a budget equal to their social security income?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Head in the sand, mostly! But he is well aware that he will need to work longer than I do.

This, OP. No way would I work longer because my spouse can't stay within a budget or control impulses. They want to spend? Then they work for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Usually the spender also had other problems. I married one and dated another, but I was able to keep finances separately. Marriage wasn't too long luckily.
One had ADHD, depression, and anxiety, the other one had ASD.

Oh come on, you could just as easily say the saver has other problems like OCD, depression, anxiety, and ASD.