Incredibly worrisome back to school night

[Anonymous]

We just got back from our son's back to school night. He's a sixth grader and has an IEP due to struggles with writing and spelling mostly, but reading somewhat.

Last year he made tremendous gains and went from being below grade level in reading to being on grade level. He got a pass advanced on the SOL. He also grew in math, starting the year of 5th grade on grade level and ending the year in the 99th percentile in the i-ready and a perfect math 5 sol score.

We got a call from the principal at the end of the year. She told us she felt he would thrive in advanced math, she looked at the data and she really thought this was the right call for him. We agreed and got a tutor for the summer filling in gaps of math 6 where we could.

This year, it's been quiet. We've looked at his initial unit test and he missed one question out of 20. Homework? He does diligently and finishes. He says class is going well.

But his teacher...spoke in code? She kept saying he's working slowly. She went on and on about having to provide accommodations (teacher's notes) because the version she uses is small and doesn't give him room to write. She kept saying this isn't something she does for her advanced kids. She just was very grim about him being in her class. Almost confused why he was there.

My husband is very much who cares what she thinks. Her job is to demonstrate and give tests. Our job is to make sure he's learning, which we are doing by having a tutor work with him and us working with him on a daily basis. But I am just shaken about this whole thing.

Any guidance on how to feel better about all of this? We didn't ask for him to move up, but agreed. He seems to be doing fine, but the whole IEP support seems like they don't want him there.

[Anonymous]

This shouldn’t be discussed at back to school night. That’s not the purpose of the night. She should have told you to schedule a conference and talk about it at a different time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This shouldn’t be discussed at back to school night. That’s not the purpose of the night. She should have told you to schedule a conference and talk about it at a different time.

Totally out of place for the teacher to engage with you in any depth. Schedule a follow-up meeting.

Just one more example of the lack of quality control in FCPS these days and the increasing prevalence of teachers who probably shouldn't be in a classroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This shouldn’t be discussed at back to school night. That’s not the purpose of the night. She should have told you to schedule a conference and talk about it at a different time.

That's the weird part! We were like so nice to meet you! We hope our kid is doing okay! And then she just went in on this. That was jarring. Neither of us were prepared for this. There weren't any other parents at her table and she was alone so maybe she was making conversation but it was strange.

We always do conferences much later, like mid to late October to see how things are going. But this sort of raised a red flag for me but I can't decide if my son isn't up for this class or whether this teacher just doesn't want him in there.

[Anonymous]

I would ignore and just stick with tutoring and not worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Send her an e-mail asking for a follow-up meeting.

Tell her that it's incredibly important to maintain your kid's positive momentum AND be sure to mention that the principal recommended the move up.

If you're willing, you could offer to help her enlarge her problem set worksheets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send her an e-mail asking for a follow-up meeting.

Tell her that it's incredibly important to maintain your kid's positive momentum AND be sure to mention that the principal recommended the move up.

If you're willing, you could offer to help her enlarge her problem set worksheets.

PP. Enlarge the teacher's notes, I mean.

[Anonymous]

You need to tone it down, OP. Your kid has many challenges ahead of them, and he won't benefit from having a mother who panics at the merest hint of a challenge. You need to model for your son how to deal with people.

First, it's rude to talk about specific issues during BTSN. I know some parents do it. But you cannot get into the nitty gritty on that night - teachers are exhausted after teaching the whole day. They need to grade and they need to teach again tomorrow. Schedule a meeting. No wonder she looked grim! She might be in a more engaging mindset next time you see her.

And if your worst fears are realized and the teacher doesn't believe your kid deserves to be in her class... so what? He is! You need to rope in the counselor or case manager and make sure accommodations are enforced and maybe new ones added. My kid had DOUBLE TIME ON HIS ACT AND AP EXAMS, plus a typing accommodation. He took 12 AP exams! He has double time in college! These things happen. You can call for an IEP meeting any time, without waiting for the annual meeting. You will not let yourself get worked up by words uttered at the end of a long night by a tired teacher who is unused to teaching a twice exceptional kid.

Go to sleep. Tomorrow it won't seem so bad.

[Anonymous]

^ sorry, I didn't see your update that it's the teacher who brought this up. She sounds inexperienced. She will learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send her an e-mail asking for a follow-up meeting.

Tell her that it's incredibly important to maintain your kid's positive momentum AND be sure to mention that the principal recommended the move up.

If you're willing, you could offer to help her enlarge her problem set worksheets.

DH actually tried this when we were chatting and had mentioned that our son felt like he has a bit of imposter syndrome about being in her class and she just ...smiled silently and didn't say anything beyond "well, he does work slowly." It was almost like she didn't want him there.

But again, here is what we are seeing. He's getting notes accommodated, but he's finishing all of his work and his exit tickets and first unit test seem great. What's the damage here?

[Anonymous]

Just send an email asking for a meeting to follow up. Say you didn’t fully understand the gist of the conversation and if there were next steps. Make her articulate what the problem is and what her concern is. Obviously, not wanting to meet the needs of the Iep is not a valid concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send her an e-mail asking for a follow-up meeting.

Tell her that it's incredibly important to maintain your kid's positive momentum AND be sure to mention that the principal recommended the move up.

If you're willing, you could offer to help her enlarge her problem set worksheets.

DH actually tried this when we were chatting and had mentioned that our son felt like he has a bit of imposter syndrome about being in her class and she just ...smiled silently and didn't say anything beyond "well, he does work slowly." It was almost like she didn't want him there.

But again, here is what we are seeing. He's getting notes accommodated, but he's finishing all of his work and his exit tickets and first unit test seem great. What's the damage here?

There. Is. No. Damage.

Stop interpreting everything this woman says as some sort of death warrant and pull yourself together. Do not ever express to teachers that you think your son does not belong in their class. That's not showing a lot of confidence in him, and it can potentially influence the teacher's opinion of him.

If your son needs extended time, ask at an ad hoc IEP meeting. It's a very common accommodation.

Finally, here's what my son's 6th grade math teacher said. It's burned into my memory, because it contradicted everything his elementary teachers had hinted and whined about. He said: "Speed in math is not important. What matters is understanding." It warned my heart so much, after years of elementary school "minute math" tests that he always failed miserably. My son has dyscalculia, a specific learning disability in math. He went on to graduate with AP Calc BC, which was quite the achievement for him. He had understanding teachers, and horrible teachers. We always encouraged him to persevere, regardless of whether the teacher was on his side or not.

[Anonymous]

??? Nothing's incredible worrisome. He's doing fine. Teacher is worried for nothing. Don't let her pass on her worries to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ sorry, I didn't see your update that it's the teacher who brought this up. She sounds inexperienced. She will learn.

I actually thought the opposite. She is older, she has an “method”, and wants her students to perform the way she likes. I’ve seen this quite a bit with older, 40 years or older, math teachers.
(-6th grade AAP teacher)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ sorry, I didn't see your update that it's the teacher who brought this up. She sounds inexperienced. She will learn.

I actually thought the opposite. She is older, she has an “method”, and wants her students to perform the way she likes. I’ve seen this quite a bit with older, 40 years or older, math teachers.
(-6th grade AAP teacher)

PP you replied to. Maybe, but that's bad too. My kids are 20 and 15. I've been to all the BTSN and all the IEP meetings. No teacher has ever gone out of their way to talk about my kid with an IEP at BTSN, even when there were serious concerns already. They send emails, or the case manager connected with me. And specifically here, there is nothing of substance to talk about! The kid is doing fine. No normal teacher would look for trouble before it finds them. Those who look for trouble where none exist are potentially bad news, and OP needs to act like the adult in the room. Or it's a very anxious teacher. My daughter had a very anxious teacher last year in 9th grade. It was an interesting class...

To me this is a non-issue right now. OP must not get herself into a tizzy for this.