1 Week Stay with my Mom with Mobility Issues - Any nice ideas for things to do together?
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Anonymous
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Background: My mom is 88 years old and thankfully still quite sharp mentally. Her mobility, however, is extremely limited where she is mostly sitting in a lift-chair watching tv and reading most of the day.
While my brother and I take turns visiting her every month (she lives where it is a 4 hour plane trip for each of us), I will soon be flying to stay a week+ with her so that her partner and caretaker gets a respite trip. I am looking forward to this time with just my mom and I am happy to give her partner a much deserved break. I was thinking this might be a nice opportunity to do something "significant" with her. It is not an issue of keeping her entertained per se as she is both used to and content watching tv, reading, etc. but I more see my time with her next week as a chance to do something nice and even out of the ordinary together, all without leaving the house if that is possible. Again, she is unable to leave the house nor even move around the house other than carefully making it to the bedroom each night (house is all on one floor). I thought I'd ask DCUM for any ideas they might have? She and I will of course talk, watch movies together and I've already hauled many photo albums via plane to look thru with her on previous trips. She is not particularly sentimental at all. She does have friends drop in from time to time so that is already happening. Any ideas? Perhaps a brief online class of some sort? Thank you. |
Anonymous
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This sounds wonderful.
If she is crafty or an Anglophile, Create Academy has amazing courses you can watch over the week. Even if you don’t actually make the item it’s very engaging to watch professional craftspeople do their thing step by step If she is into style, it could be fun to have a manicurist come to you and then maybe a photographer take some shots of you together at home (people who do newborn stuff could be good in that environment) If she used to enjoy hosting, why not invite a few of her friends and make/source an amazing charceuterie board or something seasonal like a cookie tray. She can show off and be gracious/festive without the exhaustion. My MIL would love this so she could post it on Facebook |
Anonymous
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Is she in her own or a facility? I ask because I'm trying to get a sense of what supports you have if there is a fall. Ideally spend some time in the sunshine maybe listening to her favorite music and perhaps have her share favorite stories from the past. If you have kids, ask them what they want to know about family history and let her be the expert family historian. You could even film it if she is OK with that. Stick to happy things, not family secrets. It's a chance to preserve the history and have a recording of her smiling and reminiscing that you can treasure when she is no longer here.
I'd be careful with doing something too out of the ordinary. You may be imposing your middle age ideas on someone at a different stage. Many elderly love their routines, and it keeps them calm and happy. My dad might have enjoyed a little adventure or change of scene until his mid 70s. Past that, if caused stress and exhaustion. Everyone is different. The true gift is you being there and being in the moment relaxed and happy to see her. It's not about a place. I might see if she wants you to bring or make a favorite food, but only if you want to do this. You don't want to do things that make you stressed to please her. It's more important to just make it a joyful visit. Re:inviting friends it s a fantastic idea or not ideal depending on where she is in aging. Even someone cognitively sharp can develop sensory overload with age. I have an aunt who would have loved a little friend gathering or a big one through her 80s. In her 90s it would have drained her and landed her in bed for the next week. My grandma would have loved it through her mid 60s. After that she would resent anyone who did that. Come up with choices and ask her. Let HER be in control. |
Anonymous
OP here. Thank you, PP, for this especially. It is a valuable reminder that I may indeed be looking at the week via a middle age lens especially as my mom does cling to her routines. What you wrote is helpful to keep in mind. . And thanks to the PP just up one. I will definitely check out Create Academy ahead of my visit and see if my mom might be game. |
Anonymous
| Think about one “special” thing a day. Figure out the best time of day for doing it - for my mother it was morning or early afternoon. Make scones and have tea. Maybe bring a not too hard jigsaw puzzle. A card game like Gin Rummy or other game. Invite just one friend at a time for a set period. Look for some shorter tv shows rather than movies. If she’s up for reading maybe some new magazines and then you can discuss some of the things. Have some quiet time when you both read or “rest.” |
Anonymous
| Record an oral history. You can find questions online to get the conversation started. It would be an invaluable gift to your children, in addition to being enjoyable. |
Anonymous
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I would ask her to share stories about her life. You could look through pictures together, maybe sign up for Ancestry.com to work on your family tree.
Does she like to do jigsaw puzzles? You could do puzzles and record her sharing memories. |
Anonymous
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My mother-in-law likes the adult Creator Lego.
Maybe you could do a Lego build together instead of a jigsaw. |
Anonymous
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What does your mom like to eat? Obviously, this will vary. But lots of elderly people end up eating what their spouse or partner can cook with minimal fuss and it can get pretty boring. It doesn't sound as if your mom can go out to a restaurant, but maybe you can get some more adventurous take away. My mom didn't taste pizza until she was in her early 80s. Much to her surprise, she really liked it. She was in assisted living and then a nursing home and they never served really good pizza. So ordering that to eat was a real treat for her. For other people, it might be Chinese food. Or fish and chips. Or lobster.
I just mean something they liked but don't get to have too often. |
Anonymous
| Set up a jigsaw puzzle. Come back to it from time to time |
Anonymous
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1. Get her to tell you stories from the olden days. Write down how relatives are related. Ask her if you can film this.
2. Morbid, but use this time if it's not already done to go over health care proxy, funeral, living will, etc. 3. Watch movies from when she was in her teen and 20's, and listen to music from then and sing with her. Record her voice if she's okay with it. 4. Do arm exercises with her. There's a lot of movement you can do sitting in a chair. 5. Would she like you to give her a manicure? You two could have matching nails. |
Anonymous
OP here and I want to thank everyone for such wonderful ideas. And playing music for her from "her time" is an especially good one. It now seems so obvious but I just had not thought of it. |