How often do you have good dinner conversation?

[Anonymous]

I always thought that when my kids became teens, we would have lots of interesting and intellectual dinner conversations about current events, what's happening at school, things they're learning, etc.

In reality this almost never happens.

Many nights DH is working late or traveling and if he is there, he just wants light conversation. My teens (15 and 17) mostly don't want to talk and give short answers to questions. This reduces my motivation for conversation, and I'm also tired at the end of the day and after having cooked a meal, and so a lot of times we will either just make light conversation or even just quietly eat.

I know this is fine and that it's an accomplishment just to sit down for dinner together, but wondering if any others manage to actually have interesting conversations and what your secret is?

[Anonymous]

Did you have deep intellectual conversations at your dinner tables when you were young? I honestly can’t remember any specific conversations and my parents prioritized family dinners so I know we had them.

One of my kids loves debating politics. I do anything to avoid that topic at dinner. It becomes argumentative fast, because that’s his personality and he loves an argument.

My other would love to sit in silence. DH is often working late. I’m tired from work and one or both are often running to a practice or game. I love light mindedness chit chat about anything that’s not too heavy.

[Anonymous]

^ mine are also 15 and 17.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for the 3rd lost but I want to actually answer your question. It was just me and my 15 yo tonight. DH is out of town and my oldest is working. What kept the conversation going was me asking questions about things interesting to her, not necessarily me. In this case it was the latest Sephora brow gel her friends were using and she wanted and baking supplies she wanted me to get for cookies she wanted to make tomorrow.

What do your kids like? Talk about that.

[Anonymous]

I would suggest why the expectation of deep and interesting dinner conversations just isn’t realistic with teens, or heck, with many people. As you said everyone’s tired. Your DH after work, you after cooking, the kids after a day of high school and possibly other activities.

Keep it light and fun. No need to make the dinner table a recreation of the Kennedys or the Emanuels. Enjoy the time with each other at the end of a busy day, and let the deeper conversations arise organically.

[Anonymous]

Most nights. As deep as kids are capable of.

Good job having dinner together tho - sorry your husband sounds like a dud.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we do. I usually let them lead the conversation. Obviously no phones at the table. I don’t know why my kids like to talk to me and each other, but they do.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 15 and 17 and our dinner conversations are varied—sometimes it’s deep; but more often it’s just about their days and their classes and friends. If someone is reading an interesting book we might talk about it, but not at length. Sometimes the philosophical conversations happen when we are walking the dog, but often that’s just one parent and one kid and less often the whole family.

Basically—it’s organic at our house and not something we try to push or make happen.

[Anonymous]

DH wants "light conversation"

If you raised intelligent curious kids the conversation will flow as they age.

This is a you and your DH problem.

You are lazy and so is he.

We absolutely had these conversations and still do even though our kids are married adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH wants "light conversation"

If you raised intelligent curious kids the conversation will flow as they age.

This is a you and your DH problem.

You are lazy and so is he.

We absolutely had these conversations and still do even though our kids are married adults.

Get a life. Your kids are grown and married, yet here you are. The least you could do is be supportive and helpful to younger women trying to raise kids, if you have nothing better to do with your time than read DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 15 and 17 and we have good dinner conversations pretty much every night. Home cooked dinner at the table is sacrosanct on our house. My kids expect it and love it.

I didn’t grow up in a house like this, so it’s been a priority. My parents never seemed to know what to talk to us about and we would just grab a plate and eat in front of the TV.

[Anonymous]

Teens are 14 and 16 and conversations are about their sports and school. Occasionally travel. I just feel lucky that they come to the table and talk to us! DH isn’t much of a conversationalist and one of two kids is also really quiet (other is medium quiet). I have deeper conversations with them on drives and walks and enjoy the nights one of their GFs joins us for dinner as the two of us will banter.

I grew up in a house where we had hour long candlelit family dinners. It was clearly my parents favorite part of the day. But all I remember from them in high school is being bored out of my mind and desperate to leave the table. In my now-family of introverts I’m not expecting the same.

[Anonymous]

Family dinners are a priority and we have good conversations maybe 5 out of 7 nights. But deep conversations only about every two or three weeks.

Last night’s main conversations were what we should get grandma for her birthday next week, my daughter telling my son what she thinks he should do with his hair, one of my daughters opining about the wonders of potatoes, and my husband and I talking about yard work.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 13 and 15. Sports and extracurriculars have the kids eating at odd hours. They usually want dinner right after school (I’m not hungry), and after sports again. I have younger kids too, so I cannot wait until 8pm for everyone to eat dinner. DH usually isn’t home for dinner. We do have deep conversations daily though- right before bed. We do a lot of longer car trips on weekends and get in some great family conversations then. Plus meals on weekends tend to be more together. Don’t stress about this OP. Take time to connect with your kids when you can.

[Anonymous]

There’s no secret - it’s just personality. One of my kids is naturally chill and open and a deep thinker. The other is an ADHD ball of anxiety and thinks we are prying if we ask “how was school”. We eat dinner together every night but one participates fully in great conversation and the other can’t wait to leave the table. She has better conversations one on one and information trickles out of nugget at a time as she feels ready.