How do you know it's time to switch doctors?

[Anonymous]

Is it just "vibes"? You don't click? Do they have to do something like screw up a procedure, overbook and keep you waiting, talk down to you/ignore your concerns?

Where do you draw that line? Does it differ by specialty?

For me, if I don't vibe with a counselor or therapist, I tend to move on. GPs could go either way; I probably stay longer than might be best just because it's a familiar face in a familiar environment I'm used to. My Gyn is chronically late, but the practice is a baby factory so I assume c-sections muck up the scheduling.

Right now, I need a surgeon and I don't click with the one I picked. She's got great reviews, and is okay in-office, but she pads my chart with allegations that we discussed things I know we didn't and it makes her hard to trust. That said, we don't need to get along. I need her to perform the surgery so I can move on with my life.

So I'm trying to suss out when I need to go shopping for a second opinion, and when it's okay to just say 'eh, we wouldn't be friends but they're good at their job'. Suggestions welcomed, but try not to be a dick. I spent the day in the ER and I'm already pretty stressed out. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

You can always get a second opinion
Reputable doctors do not get offended. DH faced a massive cervical fusion, surgeon 1 said he HAD to get other opinions and suggested surgeons. They had varying ideas as for the procedure. In the end he went with the first guy. Trust and rapport

[Anonymous]

"she pads my chart with allegations that we discussed things I know we didn't and it makes her hard to trust."

No way I'd trust this person. I would keep looking.

Why would they do that?!

[Anonymous]

Doc here- first of all, yes, if you don’t click with her and don’t trust that she does her job well then absolutely shop around. It’s your health and your life!

Second of all, when I document, there is an option for a template for almost every kind of encounter. If a kid has strep throat I click the template , add some details, delete some others, and lock the encounter. Otherwise I’d be documenting for 6 hours every evening after I left work. So yeah I’m sure a lot of those charts say I educated the family on a million types of infection control when I didn’t (although technically, legally, I did, by handing them the discharge paper that includes a million infection control suggestions). Does that make me a bad doctor? That’s up to you. I’m just trying to see patients and practice solid medicine, I’m not trying to write a novel for every standard patient encounter just so insurance companies will grudgingly agree to pay for your visit. But some people wouldn’t like that the chart is clearly sort of standardized, and that’s fine, my feelings aren’t hurt.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to see anyone you don't want to see.

You should think about what you want from the doctor though... a doctor who is rather cold might be okay, if they are very informative, efficient and have always guided you well.

Personally, I'm sick of cold doctors, and, as a man, have switched almost exclusively to seeing younger female doctors. There's slightly more awkwardness (on some issues) but it's by far made up by an ability to communicate, empathy and relatability, and for me those thigns are very important.

[Anonymous]

When I went to a specialist, I left my first one because we didn't click. It was nothing against him or that he did anything wrong. I prefer bluntness and just being very factual vs any time of hand holding or trying to be overly optimistic. So it really was just a fit thing. I'm sure there are many people who love him and those same people would absolutely hate the specialist that I do see who probably comes off like she has terrible bedside manner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it just "vibes"? You don't click? Do they have to do something like screw up a procedure, overbook and keep you waiting, talk down to you/ignore your concerns?

Where do you draw that line? Does it differ by specialty?

For me, if I don't vibe with a counselor or therapist, I tend to move on. GPs could go either way; I probably stay longer than might be best just because it's a familiar face in a familiar environment I'm used to. My Gyn is chronically late, but the practice is a baby factory so I assume c-sections muck up the scheduling.

Right now, I need a surgeon and I don't click with the one I picked. She's got great reviews, and is okay in-office, but she pads my chart with allegations that we discussed things I know we didn't and it makes her hard to trust. That said, we don't need to get along. I need her to perform the surgery so I can move on with my life.

So I'm trying to suss out when I need to go shopping for a second opinion, and when it's okay to just say 'eh, we wouldn't be friends but they're good at their job'. Suggestions welcomed, but try not to be a dick. I spent the day in the ER and I'm already pretty stressed out. Thanks!

Interesting, two of my doctors also write a lot of stuff in my portal notes that were never discussed.
One uses AI for the notes, the other does not.

It's happened at most visits lately. Not happy.

[Anonymous]

I love one of my specialist but he only practices part time. Even with part time, he seems to be gone a lot and I have to scramble with drs that are willing to take me on and really don't know me. It's becoming odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doc here- first of all, yes, if you don’t click with her and don’t trust that she does her job well then absolutely shop around. It’s your health and your life!

Second of all, when I document, there is an option for a template for almost every kind of encounter. If a kid has strep throat I click the template , add some details, delete some others, and lock the encounter. Otherwise I’d be documenting for 6 hours every evening after I left work. So yeah I’m sure a lot of those charts say I educated the family on a million types of infection control when I didn’t (although technically, legally, I did, by handing them the discharge paper that includes a million infection control suggestions). Does that make me a bad doctor? That’s up to you. I’m just trying to see patients and practice solid medicine, I’m not trying to write a novel for every standard patient encounter just so insurance companies will grudgingly agree to pay for your visit. But some people wouldn’t like that the chart is clearly sort of standardized, and that’s fine, my feelings aren’t hurt.

OP here. Thanks for this. Yeah, I kinda figured there's a ticky box and/or a preset form. And I know insurance is shite and getting them to pay out is a massive hassle. Helps to hear it again though.

I think she's alright. I just need her to fix my defect so I can go back to living my life. I don't think there's anything she can write or omit in the clinical notes that would keep her from being liable from any negligent or intentional bad outcome. I think I'm just autistic and dealing with a feelings thing happening in a clinical setting.

Ain't comfy though. It would be nice if my doctors had adequate time to explain things so I understand, with clinical notes to match so I can go back and review and reference. If only the system weren't so broken...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love one of my specialist but he only practices part time. Even with part time, he seems to be gone a lot and I have to scramble with drs that are willing to take me on and really don't know me. It's becoming odd.

OP again. I definitely count myself lucky that I can see any clinician, let alone possible shop for a better fit. Not everybody has it "that good".

The bar is in hell most of the time. USian healthcare is broken.

[Anonymous]

My husband is a doctor and I'm a research scientist. For us it's not about bedside manner or "clicking". It's about making the right medical decisions. I've had very few bad doctors in my life, ones who actively did something wrong, or omitted doing something that should have been obvious.

What's more common are doctors who miss going in the right direction the first time around, because the patient unintentionally leads them astray with their reported set of symptoms, or because they hyperfocus on one cause and forget to do all the right checks for any other. That is very common. Are they bad doctors? Depends how far they go in the wrong direction, I suppose. But they're also human and fallible.

My husband is a very good diagnostician in his specialty but has a poor bedside manner. He wants to find what's wrong and treat it, not hold your hand and give you the tissue box.

[Anonymous]

I had a general practitioner give me a gynecological exam as part of my annual physicaland did not give me warning before sticking a finger in my butt. I was alarmed, but I was only about 25 and was unsure if that was normal. It did not feel right. I looked up reviews after that, and the majority were extremely positive as she was a well regarded doctor in the northern Virginia area, but digging deeper there were a handful that had experiences like mine. That really made me question what she was doing. I never went back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a doctor and I'm a research scientist. For us it's not about bedside manner or "clicking". It's about making the right medical decisions. I've had very few bad doctors in my life, ones who actively did something wrong, or omitted doing something that should have been obvious.

What's more common are doctors who miss going in the right direction the first time around, because the patient unintentionally leads them astray with their reported set of symptoms, or because they hyperfocus on one cause and forget to do all the right checks for any other. That is very common. Are they bad doctors? Depends how far they go in the wrong direction, I suppose. But they're also human and fallible.

My husband is a very good diagnostician in his specialty but has a poor bedside manner. He wants to find what's wrong and treat it, not hold your hand and give you the tissue box.

Your husband is why so many people get such bad healthcare in this country.

He can be the best diagnostician in the world, but if he can't communicate with patients and elicit useful information, it's his fault. The patient doesn't know what's wrong with them and doesn't know what information to provide and a lot of important information is hard to articulate or embarrassing. Interacting with people is a talent and to a degree a skill, and your husband should get off his high horse and work on improving his relationship with patients.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a general practitioner give me a gynecological exam as part of my annual physicaland did not give me warning before sticking a finger in my butt. I was alarmed, but I was only about 25 and was unsure if that was normal. It did not feel right. I looked up reviews after that, and the majority were extremely positive as she was a well regarded doctor in the northern Virginia area, but digging deeper there were a handful that had experiences like mine. That really made me question what she was doing. I never went back.

That's... not normal, is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doc here- first of all, yes, if you don’t click with her and don’t trust that she does her job well then absolutely shop around. It’s your health and your life!

Second of all, when I document, there is an option for a template for almost every kind of encounter. If a kid has strep throat I click the template , add some details, delete some others, and lock the encounter. Otherwise I’d be documenting for 6 hours every evening after I left work. So yeah I’m sure a lot of those charts say I educated the family on a million types of infection control when I didn’t (although technically, legally, I did, by handing them the discharge paper that includes a million infection control suggestions). Does that make me a bad doctor? That’s up to you. I’m just trying to see patients and practice solid medicine, I’m not trying to write a novel for every standard patient encounter just so insurance companies will grudgingly agree to pay for your visit. But some people wouldn’t like that the chart is clearly sort of standardized, and that’s fine, my feelings aren’t hurt.

OP here. Thanks for this. Yeah, I kinda figured there's a ticky box and/or a preset form. And I know insurance is shite and getting them to pay out is a massive hassle. Helps to hear it again though.

I think she's alright. I just need her to fix my defect so I can go back to living my life. I don't think there's anything she can write or omit in the clinical notes that would keep her from being liable from any negligent or intentional bad outcome. I think I'm just autistic and dealing with a feelings thing happening in a clinical setting.

Ain't comfy though. It would be nice if my doctors had adequate time to explain things so I understand, with clinical notes to match so I can go back and review and reference. If only the system weren't so broken...

I totally get it (PP here). We used to have scribes that typed out everything I told you. I and the patients both loved it. But of course, too expensive for the practice so now we just have pre-set templates. My own practice of medicine hasn’t changed but the note the patient reads afterwords has. I agree it’s hard for people to circle back around and re-read things that were hard to digest in the exam room (because many patients are stressed in the exam room and don’t remember things clearly!) but, again, unless I’m able to see way fewer patients every day, I can’t document all that.

Paper notes back in the 90s were like 2 lines long for this reason.